Is it unreasonable for both parents to attend kids party

I don’t think it’s weird at all 🤷🏻‍♀️where I am, lots of couples go and it’s very normal. We do a combination of both of us, just me or just Dh. We tend to do both of us when it’s our friends hosting or a neighbour etc and if it’s someone I don’t know from school, I try to send Dh 🤣

I think just use a bit of common sense in future. At home, close family = clearly a small affair and 1 parent that she has met.

Hall or soft play, both adults are fine, I think most people recognise that a lot of families will tack on errands and visiting family before or after anyway.

At our school mostly both parents go and siblings are explicitly invited. It’s a social event for adults too, usually with adult food and drink set out separately. Parents in general are very sociable at the school.

I don’t think you can generalise about this, each school or even class will have its way of doing things.

i wasnt around my 4 year old when he was at school

Half of you are saying you'd drop your 4 year old with a bunch of people you barely know and your child definitely doesn't know them! Or you'd expect another parent to do this!
They absolutely need a parent there with them at 4 years old.

I think that given your son is the ONLY nursery child attending a predominantly family party, I’d have asked the same thing. I personally can’t imagine anything worse than sitting in a room full of family members as the only “outsider”, especially pregnant and worrying that I would be unable to supervise my child adequately. The party is hardly going to be overrun with parents as yours is the only one invited.

Actually it is better to find out now, if this woman is petty minded, rather than build a friendship up then be bemused that it has ended over something trivial that you did not see coming.

Parenting is a minefield and so are navigating "mum friends" you want to weed out the energy suckers early. If she falls out with you for that then it really really is not worth bothering with. Someone less "work" will come along. Because having to analyse every thought and action over one person is exactly that, you need that energy for your children not for a grown woman.

I think if it's at someone's home it's a bit of an imposition if it risks overcrowding a home. Otherwise, crack on, the only thing that makes these events bearable is bringing along some good company.

Sorry but that is so rude! Would you honestly say that or is this just a MN thing where everyone says they’re super confrontational?!

Honestly don’t overthink this. She maybe got busy with her own toddler so didn’t finish typing. I’ve been to a few kids parties around same age and I’m suprised how many times both parents attend (one couple I know do everything together and if they have extended family visiting bring them too! I’ve no idea if they ask the host) when I hosted I pre-empted thus by saying just one parent please for space, but if someone had texted what you said I’d have been totally fine with you both coming. Why not message again, explain why but say it’s not a big deal if space limited and you’ll manage

@AsherrainYeah but this is MN where most people can't stand their partners and dread spending time with their kids, not to mention having to interact with other parents.

I'm not that poster but no, never asked. We do not have to ask to attend a public location and it would be serious 'partyzilla' entitlement to think you could tell other adults they can't.

We often take our younger child if its at the soft play (9 out of 10 parties now a days are) to as would would take her there anyway on a standard weekend. We pay her in and pay and she does not eat with the party (we get her a snack) or expect a party bag. Its a public place and perfectly normal, we need both of us so one can go with the party when called to the other room and the other can stay with her. Its no different than any other member of the public.

Parents aren't being fed or paid for in activities and actually add to the number of supervision required by most party companies (making up for parents that are rude enough to ditch and run assuming everyone else will supervise their kid) so what on earth would you be asking permission for.

It is good you are going alone though as it sounds like you are looking for entertainment for the whole family.

When they get to know more each other and you attend other events you may get an invite for parents as well, but they will mention it.

To play devil's advocate here, maybe he wants to get out of house too & socialise a bit or see what the 4 yr old is like at a birthday party with their pals.

but the event isn't supposed to be for the benefit of a dh who wants to get out of the house (can't he think of anywhere else to go?) and watch his 4yo playing, or for adults who want to socialise. A child's birthday party is supposed to be for the birthday child and his/her chosen guests. When the adults outnumber the children maybe 2:1, it ceases to be a children's party.

I had an acquaintance who 'made' her husband go to every kids party with her. It just strikes me as very needy

Clearly enjoying your spouse's company and wanting to spend the little time you're not at work or asleep together is strange in 2024!

I've genuinely never thought about it. When mine have had parties when younger, sometimes it was the mums, sometimes the dads, sometimes both and sometimes a grandparent. I've had siblings turn up before and I've been able to squeeze them into activities (rock climbing, laser quest, bowling etc) but I appreciate that isn't always possible for everyone and every venue. I've never really paid attention to it, everyone just chats to everyone and as long as the kids are having fun, it's fine 🤷‍♀️

It's weird to want to spend time with your partner who works all the time? 😂

Why's it anyone elses business if couples want to spend time together? Why make judgements on it? Maybe they are just happy!

DH and I have always attended parties together and we've never been the only couple there. It's never even occurred to me to ask to be honest- I'm not enduring the torture of a kids party alone. We're on 5th birthdays now and I've got my fingers crossed that the next round will be drop-off parties.

Most of the kids parties I’ve been to at peoples homes both parents have came along. Mind you my kids are still nursery age

Glad to read you had a positive response and I hope your DS enjoys it.

Yes it’s weird.

@Asherrain
They are such a tight little team.
can also be a controlling relationship, happy secure couples do not need to be glued together.

Why did you ask if you could both come? Was it because you’re pregnant and it’s too much to run around after your son? Then explain that and just send your husband.