Is it unreasonable for both parents to attend kids party

It probably doesn’t matter anyway - I don’t think they’ll be queuing round the block if that’s how you speak to them 😂

Ex DP used to like us both attending these sort of things whereas I used to think it was overkill as kids' parties as generally tedious and I didn't see the point of us both suffering through it- I'd have rather took turns. I remember it being the subject of debates (arguments). It's a relief now we've split up and it's just the responsibility of whoever's weekend it falls on.

I think she has responded saying he could’ve come to be polite…. I think I’d invite a child and mum with the intention of getting to know the mum… the dad also attending might mean that the mum and dad end up sat together and not socialising.

I came here to say the same thing, I find it a bit cringe that the parents can't spend a couple of hours without eachother at the weekend, talk about 'joined at the hip'' sheesh 🙄

In my experience, there are three different styles of kids parties:

1. both parents (and other siblings) welcome / expected - tend to be as much of a friends and family get-together as they are for the birthday child. Particularly common for ages 1-3 but can be for older children too. Invite will often mention food and drink for adults and won’t have a strict start/end time

2. one accompanying parent - often for ages 4-6. Parent mainly there for extra supervision but also light socialising for adults. Tend to be specific start time but sometimes open-ended finish if held at home, Invite may mention refreshments for adults

3. drop-off parties - tend to emerge age 6-7 onwards. Parents not generally expected to stay, specific drop off and pick up time will be specified.

The boundaries are blurred between all three types. I don’t think thr OP was out of line to ask about DH attending. It’s not always clear!

This is how we've done things and my youngest is 7.

I made the point earlier that I shove the furniture out of the way so we have space for this type of game so there's no where to sit.

Thankfully I live in a small place and so know the kids. Pre school age I just invited my friends and their toddlers, usually in the afternoon so it was a few mums and tots.

By P1 parents just dropped off.

They may have been low budget but my kids loved them and the kids all left happy. I wouldn't have fancied arranging it in a park in February. A home party seems a perfectly valid option without having to host 20 adults.

This is so. My late DH's family do this with small children - though often party guests as well (and their parents). Older children seem to have play-dates or a party, though. Tbh, two year olds don't notice much apart from balloons and cake.

I think don’t over think it. It’s basically completely individual: some people don’t have space for both parents, some are fine with both parents and all siblings and a variety of everything in between! Some may say only space for child and parent: just find out what the host is comfortable with. If you really can’t do the running around and it’s a one parent invite only then ask if your husband can take your child

That's fine but then there are free options such as games in a park or adventure in a forest or whatever is appropriate to where someone lives. It doesn't have to cost much.

Most children like to run around and feel free at a party, just doesn't sound like a house so constrained adults can't accompany their children is the best solution.

Times have changed. When my daughter had birthday party around that age parents just brought them to the house and collected them three hours later. I remember doing it by myself. Playing the piano for pass the parcel. All those games, sleeping lions was best. Monitoring the tea table, sandwich first, you have to have cake it’s polite and yes it’s a knickerbocker glory. it’s a busy job no time to talk to adults. I think parents would confuse and distract me. 🤭 also when child was invited it would be free time for me yay.

I would see if DH could take them, I never went to school friends parties with my husband.

I don’t think it’s rude or strange, last nursery party we went to every child both parents were there.

Not everyone can afford to hire a space for a child's party. That doesn't mean the child doesn't deserve a celebration.

You are overthinking this. Don't worry both go and enjoy. If anyone is funny just say you are going on somewhere else after.
Loads of couples attended together when ours were young. Never gave it a second thought.

Then why have a party at home? Surely the solution is to have it somewhere people do fit, what child wants a party so constrained?

No one else has mentioned but personally I find it weird to turn a family party into one with nursery friends too.

We would have two different occasions. It would also be very unexpected to host a children's party in your house. Everyone hires entertainment in a hall or books an activity. Never would any of us entertain a group of children at home.

As they get older and wish to have friends come to play then thats common, one or our daughters just had 4 girls for a sleepover.

If you can't tell the difference between leaving your kid at school (a place with qualified and trained child caregivers and a fuck tonne of safe gaurding protocols that are legally upheld) and leaving them in a public or private space with a random bunch of completely unvetted strangers and probably unsuitable supervision from an adult trying to host then frankly you really shouldn't be making choices in the interest of children.

Absolutely. I would think my little kitchen can only possibly squeeze in an extra 10 people, so that’s 5 party friends and 5 parents. There is NO room for another 5 adults who have no need to be there.

You've nailed it with the point about not wanting to endure the torture alone!

The reason I find it weird is the party is for the child and often very dull for grown ups which is why lift shares and drop and go becomes the norm as they get older. Once you’ve spent a reception year going to a million parties you’ll realise why people tend to not double up.

In the same way that sometimes you’ll find a kid has gone to a&e with parents plus extended family like it’s some sort of day out.

Well I was today's years old when I discovered you're not supposed to go to a birthday party with the other parent 😬.

I never knew this was a thing. Some families always come with both parents at my kid's primary school whilst others don't.

If both parents are needed then fair enough. But usually they end up taking up too much space! I think it's quite normal for younger kids where the couples all know each other, but definitely unusual for school age kids.

If she’s going to get weird about you simply asking (and in the very easy going way you did) then she’s not someone you want to be ‘mum buddies’ with anyway. You've done nothing wrong.

I don’t see anything wrong with both parents attending a party with their LO, space allowing. Parties for children are as much an opportunity for parents to mingle/socialise as it is for the kids. When we have parties for our LO I would have no issues with one or both turning up. If anything I would encourage dads to turn up and meet one another. As mentioned above, lack of space is a reasonable reason to have a ‘one parent’ rule but that’s not going to be the case every time and if it is then the invite should say that (I.E. one parents only please). No one can expect all new parents to know this apparent ‘etiquette’ that only one parent attends!

We haven’t really done home parties except for family ones but if invited to a party usually in an activity location we both go, most parents both mums and dads go to these that we have been too, I only went to one alone and felt awkward as I didn’t know anyone, my son was the only boy to be invited and it was because the girl had a crush, I was introduced around as if it was meet the parents and they were getting married (son 8) no way I’ll go on my own again 😂

We normally went together if the party was at a venue eg village hall, soft play but only I went if it was at someone's home - though by the time dc is about 6 you can just drop them off. Dd2 has her 6th birthday at her grandparents house - we were living there too - and she invited all 25 children in the class. Imagine if 40+ adults had to fit in a moderately sized house! Only 1 parent stayed and another parent didn't pick up their dd for over an hour after the party finished.