To think that marriage is an outdated concept?

That's admirable :).

No, my comment was more that the implications was that it sucks for women in this situation when the men probably gravitate towards women with money in order to "fleece" them (which it sounds had happened to you?), but the opposite, (women dating/marrying rich men) for the same reason is somewhat normalised.

Yes, my ex-husband had the piece of paper which gave him my money. And that is why marriage is a bad idea!

This is a great reply! 😅

Well said.

From all I’ve ever read or heard, it’s very often men who use the ‘it’s just a piece of paper’ excuse for not committing - all too often before buggering off with someone else, with whom they ‘commit’ not long afterwards.

Says it all really - or much of it.

@Jc2001 you are wrong. It does not give both parties legal protection. Only one party will benefit. But you go on dissing the OP.

But saying it's a meaningless piece of paper isn't an opinion it's just wrong. Like others have said, it's a legal contact and gives both people certain protection and entitlements.

And what about the discrimination against the unmarried? On the subject of spouses pensions….I am divorced so why can’t I nominate someone else to receive the spouses pension in my company DB scheme? I paid for it! I’d like to split it between my kids. Seems like patent discrimination that only those who have entered into an archaic living arrangement and contract can receive this benefit.

Totally agree

This.

@HotSource

You are confusing typical wedding to marriage. You can walk into a registry office together and sit down with two witnesses and get married in your jeans (or whatever) for about £100. That marriage certificate is a very important contract for many people

This again?

Yeah, it is in the literal/absolute sense as it used to fulfill a different purpose at a different time etc

However it's still useful in other ways - legal recognition of a relationship etc

@bifurCAT I have always been able to support myself, I’m female and a mum and I was a loser in divorce.

The one consolation is that although he took 55 per cent of my life savings, I am the golden goose and I can lay more golden eggs. He will have spent the money he took by now.

Yes, that’s why I said wedding, not marriage, and why I never did any of those things.

And I wasn’t giving at as a reason not to enter into the marriage contract , I was agreeing with the post about ‘archaic traditions’ so bit quick calling my post ‘dumbest’ @Aposterhasnoname ?

But the ‘concept of marriage’ often does get caught up with the supposed ‘romance’ of the wedding, and wedding pressure and subsequent family and social pressure are heavy. Demonstrated in many MN posts where a woman’s happiness in the marriage is affected by stigma or disapproval were she to leave. Marriage is very much a social construct as well as a contract.

Is that what women are doing?

You can still end up exposed later on if you have kids. The gender wealth gap escalates in your 40s as many women take time out or cut their hours.

@YourAgileUmberPoet why not read through all the eleventybillion mumsnet threads on the relationships topic where women who believed this the statement in your OP gradually work out that now they have 2 kids and have downgraded their career options because that made childcare easier, their formerly lovely partner has now started a new relationship with a younger woman and now she finds she has no rights to any share of all the assets her soon-to-be-ex partner built up while she sacrificed everything for their children (including house and pension) and is going to be in poverty for decades if not for the rest of her life, whereas that "piece of paper" she didn't both with would have ensured that when the relationship broke down she would have the right to broad equality financially as the two go their separate ways.

Even if you don't have kids and never limit your career options in order to pursue non-money-earning mutual benefits, and never split up, the "piece of paper" that makes you legally each other's next of kin is vital when the end of life comes around.

Staying emotionally and financially independent throughout life is valid if that's your choice. No one has to marry. But if you form a long term relationship and start making decisions that could affect your financial stability negatively but you feel they are safe decisions because you can rely on your partner, then that's the point where you should insist on marriage.

@Vettrianofan she was lucky she divorced after just two years. Once you are married for seven years it is no longer a short marriage and he would have taken half that property.

In an ideal world, of course. The world isn't ideal though.

That's true. My cousin who got divorced had her own property before meeting her ex. He tried to claim half of it. Her solicitor soon put him right! Chancer.

I have a civil partnership with my partner. We did it for the legal rights. We liked the fact that it didn't come with any historical baggage: for example, when we met in 1985, it would still be another seven years until rape within marriage was illegal.

I grew up with daily evidence of what men could get away with in a marriage and what was required of a wife. It made it less attractive to me.

@bifurCAT an admirable sentiment. Yes, best to be self-sufficient. But then some bloke will see you as an easy target to marry and later fleece. The law allows that. Marriage is not designed for modern independent women.

That's so true. It is easy to undo. One of my cousins got married then divorced two years later...@Viviennemary

The reactionary crap does rather stick in your throat when you realise you’ve been both legally fleeced and patronised too!

I thought marriage was the right thing to do, brought protections and was even the “respectable” thing.

What tosh. All of it was a lie. You have to do a double shift every day at home and work and then get treated like some sort of unpaid servant by a man who doesn’t pull his weight.

Never again. I pity people I see trapped in their gloomy marriages.

It confers certain benefits and privileges.

It's not for me, I am safer being single, but it suits many people.

Each to their own. It is a choice.