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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not always want MIL seeing DC only at her house

36 replies

carsa · 09/10/2024 12:25

I'm super accommodating to my in laws when they want to see my kids.

I never say no and I always let them do what they want with them. They often show at inconvenient times, like 6 pm and they usually want to take them to their house.

I always accommodate even when it's not convenient.

Today MIL wanted to see DD and I asked her to come over, which she initially agreed to and then said ' actually I've changed my mind, can you bring her here instead'.

I replied saying I would rather DD stay home today as she's under the weather, which MIL knows.

I know MIL won't be totally happy but it's fine to sometimes not say yes to do it exactly how she wants, right ?? I'm a bit of a people pleaser, if you can't tell!

OP posts:
ARichtGoodDram · 09/10/2024 12:34

carsa · 09/10/2024 12:30

My MIL can be a bit mean / overreact when I've tried to set boundaries in the past.

That's more reason to set boundaries, not less.

The more often you dance to her tune the harder it will be to set boundaries when it's important.

GabriellaMontez · 09/10/2024 12:33

carsa · 09/10/2024 12:30

My MIL can be a bit mean / overreact when I've tried to set boundaries in the past.

She's a bully.

The only thing that works is standing up to bullies.

Itssodark · 09/10/2024 12:32

The answer is no. I agree you've been too accommodating. Now politely set out some reasonable boundaries ie you will drop off x often with y notice. No collection after 3pm.

Macaroninecklace · 09/10/2024 12:31

carsa · 09/10/2024 12:30

My MIL can be a bit mean / overreact when I've tried to set boundaries in the past.

And where is your DH in this?

Original poster
carsa · 09/10/2024 12:30

My MIL can be a bit mean / overreact when I've tried to set boundaries in the past.

OP posts:
Macaroninecklace · 09/10/2024 12:30

It’s perfectly fine not to allow your in-laws to take an unwell child to their house for their own enjoyment, yes. Frankly I’d have said no to any visit if your child is unwell - forget pleasing your in-laws, what’s best for your daughter in this situation?

NoBiscuitBase · 09/10/2024 12:28

So many people behave like doormats here. OP please assert yourself.

Original poster
carsa · 09/10/2024 12:27

Blobblobblob · 09/10/2024 12:27

Why are you saying yes when it's inconvenient for you?

This is an entirely self made problem.

Sometimes I do say no, but rarely.

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 09/10/2024 12:27

Yanbu.

I don't really understand why this is happening so regularly. Or why you would take her.

jeaux90 · 09/10/2024 12:27

Boundaries are important, a lesson your DD needs to be taught from you

Blobblobblob · 09/10/2024 12:27

Why are you saying yes when it's inconvenient for you?

This is an entirely self made problem.