To want to spend my Bday with partner and not family

You're her mother, tell her you're spending your birthday as you want and as she's with her dad then it shouldn't really matter to her what you get upto. Be firm and consistent and she'll get over herself.

To pps saying the daughter wants to spend mother's birthday with her, daughter will be with her father, she won't be seeing op over that period anyway. she just doesn't want her mum going away.

If she's with her dad, I don't see the issue. Why are you allowing your 15 year old to
Dictate what you do?

Oh ffs boo fucking hoo.

Sorry but this ridiculous over indulgent pandering to teenage kids does them no favours. Parents need to teach them that they are as entitled to some private adult child-free time - just as teenagers like to have private time away from parents.

This child is just having a moan. Not remotely hard done by. Has had a summer holiday and is going away again with mum in December.

Child free breaks are extremely common among my friendship group . We are now 60 somethings but from about 45 onwards (so kids were about 6/7 ) we all made time for child free breaks to keep our relationships on an even keel.

Just be matter of fact - she’s with her dad and you won’t be around.

So tell her that - very clearly.

Teens often do the ‘it’s not fair’ routine. You just have to be firm in response, and it can sometimes consist of reminding them of what they’ve already had.

I don’t entirely understand: if your daughter is with her father for new year, why does she mind if you go away? Let me assure you, though: there will be many birthdays later in life when your children really won’t care whether you go away or not, and you and your partner will be able to go away for a fortnight if it pleases you. If your daughter wants to spend new year with you, and your ex is agreeable, I’d let her. A birthday is really not that big of a deal once you’re over 21!

Why are so many pp's incorrectly saying the daughter wants to be with Op on her birthday? She doesn't, just wants a third holiday this year. Just a spoilt, immature girl. It's a moot point anyway though as Op said child would be at dads anyway.

Is it that it’s rubbing off on her or is it that she doesn’t want to be with someone who is a complete dick?

On reading the title of your thread I thought I would be siding with your DD. I’d imagined her wanting to be with you on your birthday. However, she is simply being petulant about the idea of you having some nice time away and not her.

You should certainly go and not take any nonsense from her. Sounds like you’re
doing everything you can to make sure that she gets treats and time away.

If you decide not to go, that will be sending her entirely the wrong message and you’ll end up here again.

Both parents going away without her within a couple of weeks of each other probably makes her feel a bit left out whether she's been away in the summer or not but she didn't need to know about you going away anyway.

(not actually arguing, if it sounds combative - just countering with my opinion)

No, OP doesn't need to do that. It's ok for her to go somewhere and not make it up to her daughter.

Are you going somewhere she wants to go? If so offer the same trip to her in the summer

Eh I'm not sure she's spoilt...just self-centred in the way many teenagers are. She'll grow out of it if OP and others don't pander to it too much - which is why OP needs to confidently assert that she will be having this time for her birthday.

Is it that she feels ‘forced’ to go to her dad’s when she doesn’t want to? My parents were divorced, and by 15 I didn’t have a strict schedule of when I saw each parent, I was involved in the decisions too.

I appreciate that isn’t possible if her dad is in France, but is it that she feels babied and pushed around?

The child literally said wheres my holiday, not oh Mum I'd love to see you on your birthday. She is already being taken away in December. No wonder some kids are turning out the way they do.

I don't understand the scenario. Your post seems to suggest that, even if you don't go, you won't see your dd on your birthday in any case, because she will be at her dad's. But your title says that you want to spend your birthday with your partner and not family (by which I assume you mean dd, as you haven't mentioned anyone else.)

Is she saying that she wants to spend your birthday with you, or is she saying that she wants to dictate what you should and shouldn't do when she isn't there?

So it's not about her wanting to be with you on your birthday, it's about her wanting a holiday 😂

She sounds spoilt. My child of the same age was encouring me and her Dad to have A WEEK away without them this summer as she was saying Mum you always think of everyone else please go and have a lovely holiday. We had already taken them away, and they both also got individual holidays with other family members too. I wouldn't take being guilt tripped by a 15 year old.

Your first mistake was telling her! She's 15 and will be with her dad so she no need to know really.
You do absolutely deserve time away and I'd be firm on that with her. It's not up for discussion

The response I give to DD15 is " we do a lot of things as a family but like you have your own life, you do sleepovers, parties and holidays, adults also have their own lives too"

People just tend to be quite stupid when it comes to this sort of thing and don't seem to be able to look at context and nuance.

I'm confused at the comments. Her birthday has fell on time that she will be with HER DAD. Maintaining CONTACT. If she had said no to her EX and not allowing CONTACT over Christmas and new years. She would be called the worst mother ever. We would be getting YouR BirTHday SHOulDn't INterFEre wITh DaDs cONtaCt TiME.

Nobody likes to miss out. But the fact is that's what life is like sometimes. You need to teach her, and this is prime age for that, that mums are people too and they don't just exist as support people for everyone else. She's been away once and she's going away again. This is for you and that's okay!

To the people making a big deal about not being with her DD at NY, DD's not going to be at OP's house all alone - She's at her dad's.

Sounds like she's just being a bit of a spoiled brat, and wanting another holiday because she sees you having one.

It's fine - she'll be with her dad, go and do what you want to do.