To not want him to complain in restaurants?

@FirecrackerK - what does your dh say to you about his meal, whilst you are both eating? If he's saying to you that it's fine, but then complaining to the wait staff, could you say "But Bert, you said to me that it was delicious - why are you complaining now?" Or are his comments genuinely what he is thinking while he eats the meal, in which case, a quiet word to the wait staff seems less unreasonable.

Though even if it is reasonable comments, if it is spoiling your enjoyment of the meal, he should rein it in for your sake.

I used to work in restaurants, both at waiter level and then management. I can practically guarantee whatever he’s saying to the waiting staff never even reaches the kitchen unless he’s literally requesting a replacement or money off.

He’s right. If you’re paying a lot of money and something isn’t up to scratch, you should say so. The restaurant will want to know so they can improve it.

Tbf it’s an irritating, empty question as it’s too late. What are they going to do, tell the chef to do better next time. It’s weird he takes something so performative literally but I would be quite amused at them getting way more than they bargained for.

I find eating out with my DSis stressful so gave sympathy OP. There are always several things wrong, coffee too hot or too cold or not served at the right point, butter too hard (a common complaint), service taking too long, waiters being lazy and disappearing (I wonder why?), wine being too cold or served at the wrong time, things being a little different to menu descriptions, more gravy needed (this was last weekend, and when they brought an extra jug, she didn't want any!), no one clearing glasses or plates (they are but take just slightly longer than DSis wants). I am actually avoiding going out with her now. DSis retired 7 years ago and has got steadily worse since then, she was OK years ago. It's just draining, stops me enjoying my food, and I feel for the often inexperienced restaurant staff who can't get anything right.

Agree with others that I think it depends. My husband & I never complain in a restaurant unless there is actually something wrong with what we’ve been served but to be honest which means we won’t eat it or don’t like it. I wouldn’t be offering comments outside of that, but maybe it depends. The threshold for complaining (in my opinion anyway) is lower in a Michelin Star Restaurant than it is at Frankie & Benny’s for example. When you’re paying £11 for 3 courses at Frankie & Benny’s you’re probably not going to winge unless the food is inedible/wrong, whereas if you’re paying £60 a course I can see where you have higher expectations and so it not being perfect might make you feel the need to complain.

If I'm paying michelin star prices, no way would I feel embarrassed to give honest feedback on the food if i thought it wasn't good enough, especially if asked directly!

In Nandos I can see it being a bit more cringe and pointless.

@FirecrackerK It is asked for a reason. The restaurant are asking for feedback. So no such thing as a 'generic reply'. Often people will say that the food was fine, good, whatever they feel. Some people will say that even if it wasn't, because in this country we are very bashful about complaining. See it as somehow being 'bad' to complain, even if it is done politely.

However, we here don't know your DH. If he's doing it to show off ' Look at me - I can cook and am very knowledgeable about how things are done, hence my pointing out the gravy, carrots, whatever, could have been improved upon' Then I would be both angry and embarrassed for him.

On the other hand if he genuinely thinks he is being helpful, well he's simply answering the question and nothing to be embarrassed about

Only you know which of those options your DH falls into

The thing is, dining out isn't just about the food. It's about the ambience, the company, the conversation and (to an extent) making those you are eating with feel comfortable. It's supposed to be enjoyable. I always comment if something is sub par but this sounds like a total downer and, yes, highly embarrasing. I think you need to tell him that unless something is unacceptable, then his "expert" comments can be posted on Tripadvisor.

I'd do option one.

I'd also be pre-warning him before we went out - maybe even when going out for dinner is just being suggested - that behaving like a judge on Masterchef really detracts from your experience of the meal, and that maybe he should consider just buttoning it. I mean - "an opportunity to moan about the carrots of the gravy or whatever and say 'it could've been more X'"!

If there's something wrong, fine. But "it could've been more X" just comes across as performative wankery.

Stop going out with him

My main bug bear when eating out is being served food that is not as described on the menu. Just last week I ordered something because it was a very specific dish - pulpo a la gallega. Instead of octopus with sliced potatoes, olive oil and paprika, I was instead served squid on fried potatoes and aioli. When I complained, I was told I was wrong and that it was octopus. It clearly wasn’t, and even if it were it was not the dish they had on the menu!
Restaurants too often rely on people not saying anything and being served subpar, over priced food.

It’s usually me! My bloke’s an amazing cook and very few restaurant meals can touch his food. I’m almost always disappointed but usually phase it in a way that flatters him. “It was very nice but not as good as it is at home”.

Option one, after he's delivered his pernickety verdict, you chip in with "Well I thought it was fabulous!" Undermine him basically - you are making his comments seem like a matter of opinion rather than allowing him to state "fact" unchallenged.

Option two, say that his comments are spoiling dinners out for you, so while you respect his right to make them, he'll need to respect your right not to eat out with him anymore.

Would you offer a compromise where he leaves a note on the table with his feedback, since apparently he genuinely wants to help them improve? Verbal complaints only if the food is burnt/cold/very salty etc - the kind of stuff anyone would complain about (after just a couple of bites) and you actually need to get a refund for it.

Agree. Especially when you're paying a good chunck of money for it.

@FirecrackerK The staff really won’t take much notice. I feel for you though. Maybe skip the wait staff a pre printed card saying not to ask him about quality!

The other side of the coin is friends who complain about everything and are fussy in cheap places. This includes no sauce on food, must be served separately, all plates to be piping hot, certain ingredients to be omitted. Want a separate menu! Yes, even that. Friends went to a notable restraint with a set tasting menu and had to have a separate one just for them.

We try not to eat with any of them, unfortunately this weekend we are. So donning my hard hat. We eat in Michelin restaurants and never with them. Ever. Just try and persuade DH to engage with what the chef is doing. I feel for you but a high level restaurant will be serving the food well. Friends always want well cooked and not pink meat. You just know that some chefs won’t do that. So we avoid such places with them. It’s hard work!

It's affecting you so I would ask him to cut it out. Unless there really is an issue with food.

And if it’s not, which is what he clearly thinks?

Exactly this. You’re asked for feedback, you don’t have to lie and say it was fine.

What's your comment about small change about? He's giving small change to the restaurant, which means the restaurant is sure of having the small change to give back to customers who pay in notes or 'large change'(?). Meanwhile, they don't have to give him change. Win, win.

There's an obligatory response? How did I miss that memo. But it would be more constructive if he put his comments in a Tripadvisor review or something similar.