To not want him to complain in restaurants?

asks the wait staff what they would recommend

It's a sign of whether a restaurant gives a shit or not.

I'd you don't know what the dish tastes like, looks like etc how can you do your job properly.

A good restaurant will give front of house staff the information they need to guide customers. At the vet least what to recommend (usually the things where there is loads left!)

I like Jay Rayner though 😂

This unreasonably pisses me off because I’m your DH in my marriage. If I am asked a question and the food wasn’t quite right I would say so in a polite manner. DH would sooner suffer in silence when given fries instead of potatoes or his sushi is a stodgy lump and I just don’t understand it. He also gets annoyed when I complain about incorrect orders and my retort to him is always “why do you care more about the waiter’s feelings than mine?”. The restaurant are not doing us a favour by serving us, they are giving a paid for service!

Classy restaurants don't usually ask this question. It's crass and very American.

The FOH staff observe and can tell by looking at customers if everything is ok or not, trying to get their attention or not. And in a Michelin starred place the food is usually good so they have confirmed they don't need to ask.

I worked in a high end restaurant and we only asked this if someone hadn't eaten much of a certain part of the dish, for example.

I would hate this, like dining with Jay Raynor.

Very few. I somehow find that hard to believe.

My toes are curling up cringing reading this.. walking into the kitchen during service to speak to the chef..

Its a form of being superior and yes OP, its not attractive.

Mine is a chef and while he doesn’t do this (he’s generally just appreciative that someone else is cooking) he does the following that make me cringe a bit

never has a dish just as it appears on the menu. Always has to change something ie ask for something to be left out/served on the side.

asks the wait staff what they would recommend. Just pick what you want to eat ffs the minimum wage 19 year old waiter doesn’t give a shit

Nothing wrong with complaining - if there’s genuinely something wrong, not just a case of personal taste.

I once complained about a restaurant’s so-called tabbouleh -there was virtually no parsley in it! A bloke I hardly knew who was with us, sneered at me - ‘What would you know about it?’
‘Well, I did live in the Middle East for 13 years…’
That shut the obnoxious git up.

Sounds to me as if the OPs dh has a bit of a ‘superiority’ complex when it comes to food. You say he’s very ‘direct’ OP - is he perhaps Scandi or Dutch? From experience, those are the nationalities most inclined to be very ‘direct’, aka often to Brit ears, rude.

Undermine him in public... what dreadful advice. Dreadful, dreadful advice. It will only make him hate you.

Mine’s same but opposite … won’t go anywhere “chain” of “run on a spreadsheet”
loves local ethnic type places.

If he likes it, asks waitstaff questions about the food and gets cross that they have no idea what they’re serving … then he will walk right into the kitchen to talk/pantomime with “chef” to find out how they make it.

He will approach other tables to ask what they are eating & if it’s “any good”.

MrsSunshine2b. Not to derail the thread but I thought ths purpose of been given a small bit of wine in the glass was to try it and see if you like it first before buying the whole bottle?

well he isn't British

Ah. Tell him “how was your meal?” is basically the same as “how are you?”. It’s a perfunctory question, to which nobody is actually interested in the true answer, so “fine thanks” is usually the only acceptable answer…..!

Yep, option1, why is his opinion so much more important than yours? If the meal was good, what's stopping you contradicting him and saying it was lovely?

Have you explained to him that when they ask "How was your meal?" they are just being polite and making sure there was nothing awful, like a hair in the food? It's like when an acquaintance or colleague asks how you are in passing, they don't actually want a full run down of your health, wellbeing and domestic situation.

I went to a meal with a group including my boss at the time, he ordered 6 wines and sent them back before he found one he was satisfied with. It was mortifying, although the wait staff tried not to show it. He clearly didn't know that once the bottle has been opened, you are offered to try the wine to ensure it's not corked. It's not a wine tasting session and you're expected to know which wine you want before you order, and no-one wanted to be the one to tell him.

Hopefully you can spare your husband (and yourself) any more embarrassment by teaching him that the waitress doesn't actually need to know if he thinks the sauce could have better complemented the carrots.

But is there substance to the complaints?

He stopped for a while because he knew it bothered me but he's back at it again
Remind him that it still bothers you.
My dad is a bit like this, not with restaurants but screaming at a driver who has cut him up or something. His shouting doesn't affect that driver at all but does utterly ruin the mood for everyone else.
Likewise the wait staff don't care if your DP likes the carrots or not but it's ruining you wanting to spend time with him over a meal. He needs to consider if that feedback or your enjoyment of the evening is more important to him.

Not always the case! I remember saying something when I was asked if everything was OK and I had been struggling to eat what I had ordered. It wasn't what I expected and I basically didn't like it. My fault, not the restaurant's!! And I was entirely truthful when asked. I got it exchanged for a different dish and only had to pay for the new one - not the one I sent back!! Chap was very nice about it too - but then so was I and very apologetic!

He sounds like a prat. He "thought about being a chef". 😂But he isn't a chef is he? Never trained or worked as one? Yet he thinks he knows better than a Michelin starred chef? I'd be embarrassed for him.

I have quite a few chef friends. Some of them even gained Michelin stars when they were the head chef. They love a chat about food and ingredients and all things cuisine when they're not in the middle of a busy service but honestly, the front of house staff will just think he's a dick. None of the chefs I know behave like him when they go out to eat. His behaviour would give me the ick.

My late MIL was a bit like this. She'd always find something to complain about, even if it was totally invented. I think it made her feel more important somehow, like she'd got one up on them. She'd say, "I used to be in catering so I know!" Dear Reader, she worked in a restaurant at a motorway service station.

She once sent back a baked potato claiming it was "stale" even though the baffled waitress told us they come frozen and she'd be getting another one the same. I secretly like to think they brought her the same one back out and she pronounced it up to her standards!

I hated going out for meals with her.

If there is a problem with his meal, why would he say it's fine?
If people don't offer feedback, how is a restaurant to know they have a problem? Customers would just stop going, or not recommend it to others, and the restaurant would have no idea why.

But did you complain when eating not at the end?

My brother is a successful chef. He would never dream of picking holes in a meal and giving that feedback to waiting staff, they don’t control the food and it just kills the vibe. If something is off about the experience he will email the manager afterwards.

But it was if he ate it, if it's not bad enough to send back don't complain at the end unless your Michelle Roux.....if someone gives you a present and asks if you like it do you say no?