To have said this…

I'd be thinking that your DH needed to stop being such a wet lettuce, scared of his own child being cross with him. He did a perfectly reasonable act of parenting in reminding you it was too late for the activity and should have no problem with owning that in front of his child.

it sounds like a mountain out of a molehill, but if you make a habit of giving excuses, or passing the buck, rather than taking responsibility when you make a mistake, then I can see why your DH overreacted.

You did throw him under the bus a bit. Though unwittingly I'm sure.

OP, stop tolerating being abused by your husband.
Scum like him don't change.
Focus on getting away from him with your child.
Life will be better for it.

I think you are choosing your words around your DH. You are trying to give him credit for being the one to point out the time; he sees this as making him bad cop. If you didn’t, would he criticise and say ‘no, you only realised because I told you’? Are you walking on eggshells all the time? This can make you hyper vigilant and is not healthy.

You seem to be someone who is very much in control of what you say and how you say it ( from your postings) and I would expect you to be like that in real life too. You don't come across as a cowering little mouse. You have indicated that there seems to be some issues in your marriage and I'm guessing this is how these play out in everyday life with this kind of bickering?
To answer the original question I don't think I would have phrased it like that - would just have said " oh i didn't realise how late it is". The response you gave seems at odds with the person I mentioned up post so it does leave me wondering if in fact it was deliberate or it has become part of a habit of talking like this in a game of one upmanship or part of a blame game which you maybe don't even realise?

That was just advice

You'll still get different perspectives on Relationships.

They're just generally phrased in a kinder way.

@AuroraDora I don’t see the problem.

Im always the one pointing out the time and generally being the ‘bad guy’ because DW is all about the fun and very scatter brained…

I don’t care (someone has to be organised!), and it doesn’t affect my relationship with my DS in the least and we have loads of fun.

Your son couldn’t do the activity because of the time, not because of who noticed the time- your DH is being daft.

If you are genuinely open to challenging your viewpoint, you say in one post that you didn't notice the time because dh was an hour late cooking tea which sounds like a bit of a blame culture excuse thing to me about why it was still his fault because you did notice enough to notice he was late.

These things are often complicated - I'm not pointing blame at you or piling on or having a dig- but perhaps something to think about and whether these issues are coming up because it just isn't working.

I suppose the way you said it was interpreted by DS that it was DH’s fault that it was nearly bedtime.
Don’t know how old DS is, but if very young, this would have been a good teaching moment: Dad doesn’t control the time, so it’s not his fault!
DH also needs to grow up - if you’re just truthfully stating verbatim what he said, it’s a bit much to conflate this to you “throwing him under the bus”!

Honestly I would think it's not that deep you said what you said he used it as a stick to beat you with like he was looking for an excuse? But I came out of an abusive relationship

For example

Ex argued with me I was very passive accommodating and soothing he got frustrated because he couldn't find the thread to pick at to cause a "big argument" he then pulled ds out of my arms ripping off my fingernails one of which slightly cut his arm he then used that as an excuse to threaten me with the police and accused me of assaulting him

Escalation over nothing for no reason

Sorry you've had some pretty ott reactions on this OP. I understand what you are trying to do. Personally I wouldn't have been as reactive to what you said as some of the people on here. Maybe if you had said 'DH says we can't do this because of the time' it would have been unfair but to say 'DH has told me the time so I think we don't have time to do this' is just factual and I don't think I would have given it much thought, especially as when your child jumped to blaming DH for noticing you clarified to him that it was your choice not his. It seems like a tiny - almost non event - that has been blown up by him to give reason to tell you what a bad person you are. I guess as shown on this thread being thought of as 'the fun police' is seriously triggering for some people
Maybe more of an issue is (I'm guessing here though) you felt once DH had told you the time you were not 'allowed' to do the activity for fear of upsetting him and that came across unconsciously in your speech? Like I say, maybe projecting as I've lived with a controlling emotionally abusive partner myself and in that situation I would have been happy myself to stretch out bedtime to spend a tiny bit of time with my kid who I missed but I would have jumped to say no once I realised I would have been getting disapproval and anger from my DH for doing so. If that is the case then maybe think about the levels of control in the relationship. As a parent you get to make little choices like this on your own too and shouldn't be scared of the consequences. Like I say tho, slightly projecting so might be wrong. Either way I hope all had calmed down now and don't be too hard on yourself, everyone is clumsy with their phasing sometimes and at least you've tried to think of the other side in this.

I think this seems a bit dramatic. I sense that he feels you use him as an excuse more frequently and reacting rather to a single incident. Is he feeling (rightly or wrongly) that he is the bad guy and you're the fun one? Or something like he's the discipline and your the nurturer? Is it that he's loosing closeness with the children and feeling "bothered".
If my son was upset by something I'd said, I'd have added, it's not Daddy stopping it, it's me, it's my decisions. If you want to be cross with someone you should be cross with me after the unintentional clumsy wording. But that's me :)

Tbh it was an accident and I'd not give it much more thought unless the other stuff you don't want to get in to, the context means it does mean something more..

If your ds is 12 being an hour late to bed as a one off wouldn’t really matter surely.
I would have probably done the activity anyway.

Replying based on the original op I would have said it how you said it because that's what happened? You didn't throw him under the bus. You just responded to the situation.

I’m sorry your partner is abusive.

Couple’s counselling isn’t recommended if there is abuse, or hopefully you meant that you are doing counselling alone.

You say you used to see your partner’s behaviour as affected by you doing things, and your AIBU seems similar - still questioning yourself and asking MN without the context.

The problem is your partner’s abuse, which is really bad for you and DS.

I'm pretty sure Autumncrow was trying to be helpful. You seem quite reactive having read this full thread.

He's over reacting....this situation happens in our house alot, I'm usually the one that acknowledges the time to my husband and he will say "Mums just said"......doesn't bother me as I just have said 🤷🏼‍♀️

Good then.

It's almost like you now decided you WOULD add all this DV backstory because you know that would get a different response. Like the poster who has decided from... nothing that he "screamed it from another room" now