can SS or CAHMS in effect force a parent to resign...

This is helpful but indicates how the system is not joined up. No money for clinical MH resources but it's OK to spend it on benefits instead.

My profound recollection of CAMHS is of his the service was designed to provide the minimum levels of care possible against a background of parent blaming. An intervention was offered for dd, group therapy in the middle of the school day, taking her away from learning which she loved and one of her triggers was what she perceived as sub-optimal performance (She got 3 A* A'Levels, dropping 4 UMS points once diagnosed and medicated). When I explained this would make things worse, a letter was sent to my GP saying the family had refused an intervention so they closed the case. She was at the time actively cutting, overdosing and withholding food.

I shall never forget our first interaction with CAMHS. A 9.30 appointment was made, we arrived at 9.15 and the premises were locked. We saw the staff drizzle in between 9.20 and 9.30 for a service that publishes opening hours of 9 to 5 which are restrictive enough to start with. The staff then perpetually whine that they are under resourced and it's the government's fault. Much of it relates to mismanagement.

The nurse allocated to my daughter advised she couldn't possibly have ADHD because 17 was too old for a diagnosis (2015). The incompetence is breathtaking, let alone the inability to calculate the personal and economic costs of not providing care that can help young people recover. My overwhelming impression was that CAMHS regarded all parents as potentially poor and applied the lowest common denominator in relation to expectations.

My local Trust was reviewed in 2009, 2014 and 2018 and it cost hundreds of thousands of pounds. Each time the conclusion was not fit for purpose. Any parent trying to access services knew that. It isn't a question of more staff, it's about more flexible delivery and competency.

This must be replicated across the country. It is an utter disgrace and Ministers must awaken to the stark realities and u derstand it isn't just about money.

Good shout about DLA. You will get a successful claim for that but it does take months to process (will be back paid though)

Should be eligible for full award with the level of support needed.

That is a good suggestion but the reality is there is practically zero financial support (or any other type of support) available for carers, which is in effect what the OP is. It doesn't matter what the cause of the care stems from. There's DLA and, if you're lucky, being referred to a food bank (where, if you're even luckier, you'll be able to visit more than once). That's it. Depending on where you live, DLA plus UC won't even be enough to pay the monthly mortgage, let alone any bills or other costs.

I think your only option is to keep going to work, OP. It's a horrific situation for you and your entire family and there are no good options, but I think I would choose work. As you say, you have other children to support and you can't afford for the entire family to be homeless and bankrupt. I'm sorry you're going through all this. I hope you DC gets the help they need soon.

Edited to say this was in response to a poster suggesting OP look for financial support.

@needavice888

Do you have a boy or a girl and in very roughly which part of the country?

What is his/her current educational situation?

Am asking in case someone can suggest something particularly appropriate for you.

I think in this case that you need to keep going back though. This is the route to progressing things. Things change quickly in MH- at that time they made a decision that no further action was needed, but they might decide otherwise now. Repeated A&E visits equal enhanced support where I am. If you feel that things are unmanageable now they need to be re-assessed (and maybe you might need to do this more than once).

If you go back and they assess and decide that the MH of your child does not require further more intensive support, that is fine. But at that point you can say that in fact the issue then is that you yourself no longer feel able to manage this and contain it in the home. And be very clear about this. That will be where you will have further social care assessment and the additional support would need to be put in place through them.

@needavice888

How old is the child concerned, OP?

Has he or she been able to talk to you about why he/she is feeling this way?

OP I think it sounds like you are actually in the ‘in between’ part now - where either your being asked by crisis services to ‘suicide watch’ will help and things will slowly start to settle and your child and you will then be able to access therapy/ tier 3 CAMHS support OR you will find that you do not feel able to manage any longer and you go to A&E (as I assume you have done already given the circumstances you describe). At this point following a MH assessment with the on call crisis team a decision will be made about whether your child can come home or a residential care (SS) or MH inpatient (NHS) stay would be considered. They might determine that if your child comes home social care would be requested to provide carer support. This isn’t on one service, it is part of multiagency decision making processes. A psychiatrist needs to ultimately tick off an (MH) inpatient admission but really the decision making is done by a team of people which draw on input from social care, health and education.

If your child is not invited for a short stay on a MH facility that is because it is the last resort and services will always try to avoid it. Firstly, there are very few places to go but secondly they are there to keep people safe, not to make them better (although they do try to do that, but realistically they are not particularly therapeutic places). The view in health, and literature, and I think a view that would be shared more widely is that a child is better off at home with the right support. However, MH services do not have people that just go to sit in houses and spend time there. A community approach (family) is best, but this breaks down where there is no family available to help. That is where social care step in to provide the right support needed to try and keep someone at home and this enables the MH teams to do their work.

More residential placements have been used in my experience with neurodiverse/ learning disability where the environment at home is just not conducive to what the young person needs, even with carer support. That would involve legal proceedings. I have seen people take their child to A&E and refuse to go home again. In these cases social care have stepped in to try to find a residential placement.

can you not contact the urgent care team and have them committed?

I don't think that's the issue. I think some people take every opportunity to bash social services and call us useless, ineffective, culpable etc without understanding how the system works and that child mental health is not the responsibility of social services. Believe me we've argued until we are blue in the face with CAMHS about suicidal children, huge delays for ASC assessments and the need for support but social services have zero control over what CAMHS do or don't do. I will always take the opportunity on threads like this to correct people and stick up for my profession.

I was in your position OP and my way of dealing with it after exhausting every avenue is you can't prevent somebody from taking their own life if they are so determined to do so.
And at some point they may try or they may never try.

I think the acronyms on this thread are the issue here, rather than Social Services bashing, plus people not understanding that CAHMS means Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service, which is run by the NHS.
This is jnot a dig at the OP at all, ust a personal bugbear of mine, as acronyms which mean different things in education, health care and social services are the bane of my life at work.

I do not know if it would work now as processes have changed but when DH was threatening to harm himself I dialled 999 and the Police/ambulance arrived. He was as a result sectioned. This was dramatic and drastic, but it gave hime time to recover over the coming weeks and also meant that there were clear actions and support in place. It was hard/harsh but necessary. Consider if this is the right thing to do.

Sending hugs.

I can't see if you have already applied for dla but I would get that going. I dont know enough about universal credit but it can't help to start looking at how to apply should you be forced out of work. Plus speaking about any home working duties you coukd have. It might be part time but still some income

Obviously I hope that you get medical care and this isn't necessary.

CaMHS does have the power to push your child right to the top of the wait list for autism asst (or any other asst needed) so that could be something to try.

They are pretty useless though. I really don't think you should be giving up your job. They won't be able to force that. It's such a difficult situation if you are on your own. I really feel for you.

Even if you gave up your job, you wouldn't be able to keep your boy safe. If he is determined, you're going to be calling the police every time he goes out of the house. Such a pressure for you.

I can only think to push for hospitalalisation for your boy. We were offered this many years ago now when our ds walked out in front of a lorry. Once his physical injuries were healed and he was discharged from hosp into CAMHS "care" they did offer this as they just could not make head nor tail of his thinking (little wonder as they only spent about 20 mins with him)

We didn't take the option; i was lucky in working from home. But the stress of living with a suicidal person really does take a toll.

All the best to you. Sorry you are going through this.

Op what is your job? Is it a job you could do at home? Most employers will be helpful and come up with a plan to help you. Eg temp work from home that's what I had to do to make time up. Most decent employers have a paid sick policy some up to six months or if they don't they should work something out flexibly. In the mean time apply for dla you should get middle rate if you have to watch all the time, it will take months but will be backdated. Speak to CAB see if there is any benefits you can get worst case you should get universal credit if you aren't able to work. Sadly with these situations the buck stops at the parent and many do have to give up work for awhile. If your a single mum with kids you aren't going to be left with no money if you had to leave your job. This really is what benefits are designed for to temporarily help people in need. Sorry your going through this it is so sad.

This Is Not A Matter For Social Services!!! This child needs to be in hospital if she can't be kept safe at home. Who runs children's mental health wards?

I read the first few lines of your post and thought this sounded like a presentation of Audhd (ASD and ADHD) which, in my personal and professional experience, CAMHS practitioners often mistake for PTSD, BPD and others.
I'm so glad he's feeling better these days.
When I was going through this, (with my daughter) I found CAMHS to be fucking useless. We'd turn up after a long drive and they'd be late for the counselling session and then do 20 mins of therapy, (instead of the hour they're meant to have) often going over what they'd talked about in the previous session or forgetting what she'd told them, forgetting homework/goals etc.
They initially rejected her at CAMHS because even though her weight was dangerously low (under 6 stones) she didn't have an obvious presentation of anorexia and the mental health nurse who assessed her (supposedly an eating disorder nurse) didn't know jack about Arfid.
We have bupa and thank fuck we do because she got therapy this way and it was transformative and not hellbent on blaming us or passing the buck somewhere else.

I was very shocked by the lack of support when my son attempted suicide at school and I was put in touch with the crisis team. They called about 9pm and the safety plan they went through was me. They say call at any time but all they do is go through the safety plan.

There was generic advice about removing door hooks, dressing gown cords, sharp objects etc. He has a great psychiatrist and medication but all that happened next was our appointment was brought forward. They said my area no longer had inpatient facilities for his age group.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

I dont know if unpaid parental leave would keep your job open whilst you get through this. There is 18 weeks available. I know it's financially hard but you might become eligible for universal credit. Also might be able to claim dla for him to help. Totally understand this might not feel like an option but I was at the point of losing my job and my hr manager explained I coukd keep it open by using this leave.

There might be funding available but there aren't any available spaces. We have been waiting for 4 years for urgent crisis disability respite.

Do you have an HR department? You should speak to them if you do, get parental leave just as a sticking plaster. Benefits wise a lot of companies have access to family therapy and online GP do you have access to any of that?

I'm a lone parent OP, I really understand the pressure.

Not RTFT but have you spoken to your employer? I had a staff member with a similar situation (and unfortunately a similarly poor response from healthcare professionals) and we basically pulled together all possible applicable leave and allowed her to take it in one go if needed. She took about 6 weeks off, some paid, some not but it allowed them to ride out that period. It was not a particularly family friendly/progressive organisation either but we were able to make it work. Hopefully your employer can do something to help