can SS or CAHMS in effect force a parent to resign...

Hi OP, been thinking of you and I really hope things are better for your family and you have a workable plan in place now

In my own personal experience I feel anorexia is similar to alcoholism. There is always that tightrope you are walking and it calls to you in times of stress. It's a battle and one that never leaves you alone.💐

I'm so sorry to hear you've been through it for so long. I hope this is the turning point and your dd is going to live a healthy and happy life. I will remain vigilant, they do say full recovery takes a long time, I do feel she's turned a corner but I do know this illness is very complex. I think us parents almost get ptsd from it and it feels very lonely as people don't really understand it.

Yes, she was very unwell for half of year 6 and half of year 7. Then she was ok for a couple of years but never really ate normally but was weight restored. She became very unwell at the start of year 11 and needed intense treatment again. Again in year 13. She started to improve 6 months ago and is now 20 in four weeks and I’d say recovered.

Bloody hell that's a long time. Did it get better and come back again or has it always been a constant struggle. This is my worst fear that it will come back later when she's stressed with exams or similar life events. I'm hoping and praying it won't of course. My dd has really turned a corner the last three months after about 18 months since diagnosis and I think we will be signed off camhs soon.

Another one who had a bad experience of CAMHS. They blame the parents, try and push everything onto children's services. Really wish I'd had the energy to complain properly.

My child spent 10 months on a general pediatric ward because there was no where else for them to go and we couldn't keep them safe. They didn't meet the criteria for Adolescent MH unit (I think that's Tier 3?)

Thank you. My DD is now in recovery after 8 years-from 11-19. It’s the most awful of mental illnesses.

They said the same to me and told me to hide kitchen knives etc.

I made it clear that I could not provide 24/7 care. Didn't make them give us any other support.

The Maudsley Emergency Clinic closed in 2007.

Is higher rate not payable for those that cannot travel independently at all? Sorry, bit out of the loop now with dla.

It certainly is the case for pip.

She won't get higher rate becuase that needs serious mobility issues. Op should get middle rate, it's all a help. I really think she needs to go to the CAB for advise re work as well and what help she can get to keep her job and advice on what she's entitled to if she does need to leave.

That sounds absolutely amazing!!

Thank goodness services do take suicide seriously! I hope my local service is in a league of its own re shit-ness and not replicated across the UK. It was in the local press only this week that it can't cope as referrals are up 400%.

Can't help but think it could be managed better to maximise efficiency as it was absolutely useless for both my dc.

Hearing all of these awful stories about CAMHS is very depressing and shit.

I’m sorry that this has happened to so many people.

There are good services out there, unfortunately I really feel that some places have much more resource and expertise than others with a very different work culture, which obviously makes a huge difference.

I work in a CAMHS service and we very very rarely have any complaints. If someone needs to be seen- they are seen. And they are allocated immediately. We see every referral within 28 days (which is a legal stipulation) and offer regular slots (as often as is needed) immediately if we feel that there is risk. If I go on holiday and I’m worried about a family, a colleague will check in on them whilst I’m not there. If we have a child who has attempted suicide we see them within 7 days psychology and psychiatry, and we make a safety plan with the family.. but we then also attend planning meetings with social care and education to provide wraparound support. Alongside this we would then start an ongoing piece of work (usually with the parents). We wouldn’t ever leave people waiting in that situation.

We have waiting lists but if anyone called us upset and feeling like things were becoming unmanageable we would see them in person as soon as possible, usually within a week, or if they just wanted to chat things through we would stay on the phone and do that no problem. We will move people to the top of the waiting list if necessary. We always try to be flexible offering appointments out of school hours if requested, unless someone is in crisis, in which case we need to go quickly so it would probably be mid-day.

We have well attended community groups / coffee mornings for parents and children to provide a sense of community. We have regular groups and workshops. We have therapy provision for those with less severe MH difficulties, we have therapy provision for more significant needs and we also have a pathway for those in active crisis. We don’t hold a waiting list for those in active crisis.

We have close links to external services like social care so we aren’t all blaming each other and pushing referrals on to one another, we work together to think what each of us can bring to support. Sometimes we do appointments together because we want to and that is usually more helpful.

We are picky about who we employ. We only want passionate people. I can think of nobody in my team I wouldn’t want to work with, we often join together to do work when things feel harder. We have time and space (given by management) to reflect and learn together. We have complex case discussions regularly to really think about what is helpful for families.

Maybe people will feel that this still isn’t enough, but where I work is very well resourced and managed with a high retention rate. This is the difference that is made through having more resources.

Oh @needavice888 , I feel for you. My DD overdosed at the start of the year, I've had safety plan after safety plan, but 7 months on she still hasn't even had an initial assessment let alone treatment. At one point, we were in A&E every two weeks when she would indicate she would harm again, and then calling the duty team weekly. Made no difference. Luckily I can work from home and my work have been very understanding at letting me do that FT when I had to monitor her 24/7 and couldn't go to the office.

I've used her DLA to get a private psych assessment and anti depressants. It's expensive, but has made a difference. And now arranging private therapy too.

If you haven't already, apply for DLA. it's based on need, not diagnosis, so document everything you need to do for your child. You can't wait for CAMHS, it'll take years. Once you've got DLA, I think you can then apply for carers allowance.

Is your child on roll at a school? Speak to the safeguarding lead there, ask what support they can refer you onto - we got family support early help (although it took 4 months and me crying down the phone asking if they needed me to end up in A&E too).

Ask your GP about right to choose for the autism assessment. I don't know how many are still taking child referrals, but no harm in asking.

I'm so sorry you're in this position. Our young people are being horribly let down.

My useless CAMHS:
really challenging teen. First visit.
I asked if could talk to Dr alone, as child doesn’t like to hear me talk about them,
Dr said no, teen needs supervision.

I talked about child answering Dr questions. Teen starts hitting my arm. Then puts me in choke hold, pulling me over sideways on sofa, but not squeezing.
i started to cry. It was scary and upsetting.

Dr just sat there, blank faced. Then “concluded” meeting.

5 months later, I get the meeting notes by post, it is really positive about the teen and recommends “functional parenting” for me. However, there are no functional parenting classes available anywhere, ever.
I wrote back asking about child’s affect, hitting mum, choke hold. WHY The Dr made no note of it …. Reply suggested I was making it up because not in notes.

F*<k them.

Yes @RosesAndHellebores - fortunately Ds never developed schizophrenia. We had an awful time with him as a teen. He met an online partner down South and left home at 18. Tbh, it was quite a relief!! Now, 15 yrs on settled with new partner, baby, FT employment. Think he is likely autistic but not diagnosed. He is doing well.

We paid for some private sessions from the DLA he was awarded at the time. He made a full physical recovery from his injuries, thanks to skillful surgeons who saved his legs. He can walk, only a slight limp remains. So lucky. He doesn't recall what he was thinking then.

DD less serious. Hers was a cry for help due to school stress (social aspect) Autistic burnout i now think. Currently going through private autism asst. I don't think she is schizophrenic. Autistic shut down i think. She left school, so much happier at college now.

@lateatwork - truly amazed to hear your positive report of CAMHS! Great to hear they do serve some function.

Did I read you have other children?

If so, this is a potential safeguarding and social care issue. Your other children are being exposed on a daily basis to serious mental health needs and behaviours arising from this. If you as their parent were presenting in this way, they would likely be involved under the category of ‘emotional harm’. I appreciate this would also be because you are their sole caregiver, but the ‘harm’ is essentially the same.

If you leave work, you will encounter serious financial difficulty which would impact on you all.

If/when you are managing your child’s mental health needs - eg attending hospital with them - you will not be able to tend to your other children. You can’t split yourself in two.

How about speaking to your other children’s school PSA about what they are being exposed to, through no fault of your own? They may refer to social care, and the whole family approach may mean other support is made available to you all?

The title of the thread refers to SS. I simply mistyped and forget the word services. Why are you so rude?

Why are you referring to 'social' when it's CAMHS and mental health services who have a responsibility to provide care to this child?

I think, like anything, CAHMs can differ widely across the country.

Once in the system, my child (two suicide attempts) had excellent support- I can't fault it tbh. His first 'person' was absolutely amazing. Gained my son's trust and was brilliant for him. Everyone should have this type of person! I had super low expectations going in as I was absolutely exhausted.

I also had to be with them on crisis watch. It's exhausting. I feel for you. getting into the CAHMs system was hellish. It took my GP surgery 100 days to get the referral out their door (never assume anything has happened. Check every step...)

Try- school, GP, MP, A&E. Try CAHMs directly. Confirm they have received the referral. Ask which list/ team they will be in /on. Find out as much as you can how it works- so you can navigate. Get the number of the crisis team. Ask other parents in your area for contacts inside SS, CAHMs etc and call them. Follow up. Ask when you should call back. And then call back at that time and speak again.

Enlist other friends / parents to help if needed (my nephew sat with my child for eg).

It's a very long road. Look after your own mental health too.

@Anisty absolutely. The disingenuousness was astounding. It's all about confidentiality when they are over 16. A confidentiality that for them blocks the need to provide services.

I hope your young people are somehow coping. I retire next year. Although dd is now 26 and doing fine, I may take up the cudgels when I retire.

DD graduated and now teaches, has a steady boyfriend and is well. But only because we had the money to fund her care privately via an adolescent specialist psychiatrist. It breaks my heart that so many young people remain in a spiral of worsening MH because no care is provided.

I get that they are overstretched but, from the users' point of view, the service they offer is useless.

I really don't think CAMHS is fit for purpose - i don't even understand the point of them tbh. I mentioned my ds who walked out in front of a lorry earlier in the thread.

That was 15 years back now.

More recently (last year) my dd took an overdose. She was seen by a camhs nurse in a&e. She was then offered one appt to see the same nurse at the clinic.

She was given a worksheet with a 'wheel of feelings' to help her identify how she was feeling.

The next appt offered was 2 weeks later. Cancelled with 1 hr notice by nurse.

Next appt dd had deteriorated and did not talk to camhs nurse except in monosyllables.

I wrote email to camhs nurse telling her about my son and his diagnosis of prodromal schizophrenia. Was very worried dd was going same as she appeared detatched and catatonic at home.

No reply.

I later find camhs nurse has gone off long term sick.

I speak to camhs and they tell me they are going to discharge dd as she has not attempted suicide again and they cannot keep anyone in the service on the basis that they 'might' attempt suicide in the future.

I point out dd is not at all well and mention my worries re schizophrenia and autism. I also wonder if it could be severe depression.

They offer anti depressants there and then (over the phone!) I refuse, saying dd has not got a diagnosis yet and can she have a psychiatrist to see what the diagnosis actually is first.

They offer to refer her for fast track autism assessment.

2 weeks later, dd gets letter through post to say she is discharged. I phone them but now they can't speak to me as it is confidential and we can go back to camhs via gp.

I know 100% that dd did not ask to be discharged. I know teens can be sneaky but dd wanted the autism assessment and she just would not have done that.

This, i think, is a pretty typical experience.

@RosesAndHellebores that's my recollection of CAMHS too. Not fit for purpose. Literally in our case as our local camhs was deemed awful on all accounts when inspected.
It's not about funding either, the popular excuse.
It's poor staff, poor management and a toxic work culture.

I’d like to think so as my 24 year old dd is one of them!! Do you think they do this job for shits and giggles? She definitely doesn’t and k worry every day about her and what she deals with

I’m sorry you and your child are going through this.
It honestly wouldn’t surprise me if social do expect this… where I live if you have a child with disabilities requiring constant care, you are pretty much expected to not work and claim carers’ allowance and give up your life… even if you get no sleep they expect you to soldier on.
Resources available for disabled children or children with mental illness are just awful and the strain they put upon the parents means you end up unwell yourself.