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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that being a moody female isn’t the worst thing to be

39 replies

Grumpyoddcow · 08/10/2024 20:43

And does it really make me unlovable?

I’ve never killed anyone/ cheated or abused a child. I think I’m very self aware and very self critical but in every relationship I’ve ever had my ‘partner’ has said I’m moody and hormonal and like a Jekyll and Hyde.

Ive tried the pill, anger management therapy, stopped drinking etc. Later it was affected by IVF, pregnancy, breastfeeding then tiredness etc. Then I resented husband for having a life and me doing everything with no acknowledgment. Oh and now I’m premenopausal ;)

Surely at this stage I just have to accept I’m a grumpy old cow and am unlikely to change and that if a partner can’t accept it he should leave rather than keep expecting a change that can’t happen.

If I was a man I would be allowed to be an argumentative, moody, self centred person and would be respected for it. Why is it a character flaw in a woman?

OP posts:
Original poster
Grumpyoddcow · 08/10/2024 21:42

That’s the thing I don’t think i am that bad (and I’m truly very self critical). I over analyse if I’ve been (accidentally) rude to a stranger for days. I avoid arguments with friends and colleagues and they would never call me moody. But somehow every man lve lived with has the same opinion but I genuinely believe im just normal.
Maybe I’ve picked over sensitive men or im deluded . It’s really hard to know which.

OP posts:
DojaPhat · 08/10/2024 21:29

I can't say I have the answer but the way to square this is not to wistfully wonder how good men like this have it because they don't. Men who are like this with everyone aren't generally liked or respected by anyone. The key here is their ability to turn it on and off almost at whim - if you aren't able to do that then you're not comparing like for like.

ScrewYouUniverse · 08/10/2024 21:27

Would you want to date you?

TrishM80 · 08/10/2024 21:26

Grumpyoddcow · 08/10/2024 20:43

And does it really make me unlovable?

I’ve never killed anyone/ cheated or abused a child. I think I’m very self aware and very self critical but in every relationship I’ve ever had my ‘partner’ has said I’m moody and hormonal and like a Jekyll and Hyde.

Ive tried the pill, anger management therapy, stopped drinking etc. Later it was affected by IVF, pregnancy, breastfeeding then tiredness etc. Then I resented husband for having a life and me doing everything with no acknowledgment. Oh and now I’m premenopausal ;)

Surely at this stage I just have to accept I’m a grumpy old cow and am unlikely to change and that if a partner can’t accept it he should leave rather than keep expecting a change that can’t happen.

If I was a man I would be allowed to be an argumentative, moody, self centred person and would be respected for it. Why is it a character flaw in a woman?

Did you put all that on your OLD profile?

Bohomovies · 08/10/2024 21:24

Not nice characteristics in men OR women. If someone is hurting other people through their behaviour then it is not acceptable really.

PaperGloves · 08/10/2024 21:22

You’ve said your partners have said you were ‘hormonal’ — but do/did you notice fluctuations in moods which corresponded to your menstrual cycle?

Surprisedcupcake · 08/10/2024 21:19

Being tired/hungry turns me into an absolute witch! Hangry comes on really fast but I can go on being tired for a while before I turn evil. Maybe you just need a bit more sleep and time dedicated to yourself? It's very hard to be the best version of yourself when you're run down for a prolonged period of time.

Newterm · 08/10/2024 21:16

I’d not be friends with someone who was moody, I certainly wouldn’t be in a relationship with one.

Mydogisaknob · 08/10/2024 21:15

'If I was a man I would be allowed to be an argumentative, moody, self centred person and would be respected for it.'

No I'd think you were a dickhead

Catza · 08/10/2024 21:13

I wouldn't want to be with a person like that regardless of their gender. And I don't buy this whole "I am what I am, accept me or leave" crap. Humans are sentient beings who are capable of change. If you don't want to change, come out and say it.
My mum used to say it to family for decades. She finally took some responsibility for her behaviour in her 60s and I am very proud of her for doing it.

Mamabobogo · 08/10/2024 20:49

Allfur · 08/10/2024 20:47

Those characteristics aren't great in a man either

True

MoveToParis · 08/10/2024 20:47

If I was a man I would be allowed to be an argumentative, moody, self centred person and would be respected for it.

Well I divorced someone for it, and those around me were relieved for me. So respected? Not a chance.

I think the description above is the precursor to many divorces, actually. No one wants to walk on eggshells. I certainly never will again.

It doesn’t make you unlovable at all, but it erodes the love that develops.

Allfur · 08/10/2024 20:47

Those characteristics aren't great in a man either

RandomMess · 08/10/2024 20:45

Because PMDD is massively not researched and women's health not cared about.