Not allowed private room

I'm an example of one of those. When my son was stillborn last year and his twin was critical in the Nicu. He died 4 days later. There were 3 rooms free. I took one so we could grieve the death of our baby. Another woman also lost her baby that night. She took the other. They do fill up fast some days. but obviously didn't think I'd be holding my dead baby in my arms that night and his brother a few days later. I was grateful for the room tbh.

Had exactly the same 18 months ago. All indications that the rooms were available to be booked, went to book them a week before c-section and told no due to ‘Covid’…of course. Asked again day of section and told no again because they ‘needed to keep an eye on me’ , had a complex section, spent most of the day in recovery, wheeled up to the most grim ward I’ve ever seen and left covered in blood, having had a catheter leak all over the bed and left and didn’t see a soul from 10pm until 7am apart from some 😠 husband 2 feet away who didn’t shut up all night and kept stepping through the curtain usually while my tit was out. There wasn’t even enough room, I was shoved in a windowless corner with basically a sheet strung up.

The 6 private rooms remained unoccupied for the duration of my stay.

The aftercare got even worse when arriving home and the weeks that followed. It’s shit, you’re allowed to feel shit and women need to stop being brainwashed into thinking all of it is absolutely ok because you got to leave the hospital alive with a baby.

Coming from another country where all women have private rooms post birth, I find uk facilities positively 3rd world.

i was allocated a private room following an emergency section of twins, but when one twin went to nicu and second was about to move to special care one of the nurses tried to shift us to ward as the extra space no longer warranted. Really grateful to the senior midwife who stepped in and told her off and bullied us back into our private room as I cried inconsolably from my bed in the hallway having just heard that my second child would also be taken from me. I don’t know how I would have coped sharing a ward following a traumatic birth of two children with complex needs that kept us in hospital for several weeks.

even in more straightforward situations birth can be traumatic - I think all women are deserving of some space and privacy afterwards. Maternity wards should be 100% private rooms with accommodation for partners.

My only of an nhs hospital ward with private rooms was when I had DC 2 and he should have been in SCU but the Drs thought hed be best with me and when my DH was dying. They wouldn't give him a room because the private rooms were for people with big families ie Asian people. It pissed me off big time. He died a few days later having been attacked by an old guy on the ward who had dementia. I had asked the doctor to move the old guy, but he refused. They moved him after he attacked my DH.

@Spamfritterss I've no idea why they wouldn't give you a room, you sound like you needed one. 😞 I hope all goes well x

There's private rooms at our hospital. Unfortunately my son was so ill with what they thought might be a bacterial infection that they put him in a private room nearest the nurses station. I've no idea if his illness caused a paying patient to be deprived though.

The midwives clearly thought you were too unwell to be in a side room. So it was for your own safety. If the side rooms were already occupied then that's tough luck I'm afraid.

Thousands do - I had a women tell her husband to get in the room and refuse to move until it was given to her.

It was being kept for the mum of a very premature and likely to not survive baby.

Believe me when I say he was shifted!!!

I absolutely agree that all women should have the option of a private room and would love to see that as a reality. Unfortunately there are clearly not enough rooms or staffing at present. Personally, in this imperfect situation I would prefer the private rooms to be allocated on clinical or compassionate need (like your sil) rather than on the ability to pay £200.

@universalcredithelpplease

hard on a new mum who just wanted to make the birth as best possible

I really wish joyful deliveries were the norm. Since they aren't, I'd prefer the propaganda around birth to be a little less saccharine, more realistic. Depending on your definitions, between 40% and 70% of births are complicated. Our health system's struggles are clear enough, but maternity's nowhere near a leading cause of death for women in the UK; it used to be, and still is in some countries.

@Spamfritterss, I'm very sorry you had what sounds like a terrifying birth experience, and so happy you and your baby are both safe I agree with some PPs that your anger's likely to be a perfectly normal and understandable reaction to the trauma you suffered, rather than specifically about the room. I believe you can get specialist counselling and/or a session with the doctors who treated you. If something like this could help you, go for it!

This. Its awful that our expectations have to be so low. But this is the reality of the NHS at the moment and there isn't much you can personally do to change it..I think it's best to move past this. Our local hospital has no private rooms anymore that you can pay for. They are allocated based on clinical need. This may have been how they were allocated in your hospital.

If you want this you need to either have a home birth or pay to go to a private hospital.

IMO every woman should have a private room.

I think you only get this if you pay for private care under a private maternity.

It's unfortunate but try not to dwell. Think about your future now and leave this issue in the past.

I loved the postnatal ward. It was like a soap opera with all the crying, drama etc. would have missed out if I had a private room!

Unfortunately I think if they don’t have them available priority will go to people who medically need it. I’m not buying their reasoning though. I had a private room due to mental health reasons. I’m not sure how allocation of private rooms are if you pay- but surely as it’s the NHS , you don’t take priority and they would be rooms not used by non paying mums. I don’t know. I know what you mean though, I was put on a ward for 8 hrs before I got allocated a room and I hated it!

Yes, I know they're not great, mostly due to understaffing. I've given birth in them several times.

If you want a private room the only way to guarantee that is not to use an nhs hospital and pay for everything privately.

Just because the rooms were empty doesnt mean that they werent earmarked.

I wanted one and was prepared to pay but the only one left was being saved for any woman who may give birth to a still born child, apparently this was their protocol and perfectly understandable.

@HorsePeopleAreStablePeople

BlouseyBrownMalone is deriding the OP and mocking her to make her feel stupid. It's nasty. And the fact that you can't see that makes you stupider than you are trying to make us all feel.
😂just stoooop. You are looking dimmer by the minute.

@BlouseyBrownMalone has confirmed they were supporting the OP. You just have terrible comprehension skills.

Stop digging.

You really need to stop focusing on what you wanted, what your friends got and spoiling this time with your new baby.

getting over a traumatic experience, doesn’t work that way. You can’t just get over it, or stop focusing on it. And people suggesting you can just makes it worse again.

OP - I’m really sorry you had a traumatic time and that the aftercare made it worse. These feelings are absolutely valid, even though you will probably get plenty of people, in real life too, saying blithe things such as, ‘well at least you’re both OK.’

The only thing I can recommend is being kind to yourself, and accepting that having these feelings is 100% valid. Sometimes a birth debrief can help a bit, but I think probably finding a really good counsellor when you’re ready is worthwhile.

I’m sorry you had a traumatic experience but it seems they had your best interests at heart. If rooms were available and they didn’t offer you one it’s because they really thought it was the safest option for you.

My baby had to be rushed to NICU for surgery and I spent the first night in a big ward full of women, snoring partners and babies. It was truly the worst night of my life, so I get you, it’s difficult when you just want some peace.

I pointed this out. Apparently lots of people have incredibly poor comprehension skills

Oh fuck off

Nasty