Not allowed private room

You sound pretty entitled

She sounds like someone who’s trying to make sense of recent trauma to me by focusing on something that might have been avoidable. I think most of us here have had children or multiple children and can extend quite a bit of empathy there.

I’m sorry you had such a difficult time.

Hospital wards are not the nicest places and having a traumatic birth and being sleep deprived are both awful things to go through.

I think you did the right thing by letting your DH go home and sleep.
Hopefully he can take you home today and be safe to drive and then let you sleep as much as you can.

The first couple of days I would absolutely prioritise sleep and take shifts if you need to whilst you’re both adjusting to the massive change.

Ultimately, what’s done is done.

They kept you in the main ward for safety and this is what you need to focus on, even if you felt they didn’t check on you much.

Health care staff are often able to look like they’re not busy or not constantly watching but actually if something did happen to you, then they’d have noticed almost immediately.
The only reason you don’t know this is because fortunately your recovery was ok.

You have to drop this as over analysing something like this can make things like PND worse.
You will have some trauma from a difficult birth already and you don’t have the energy to give this anymore thought.

Congratulations on your new baby 💐

You sound pretty entitled - do you not think every woman on the ward would also say "all I wanted was to be alone with my husband"? I wanted a private room for my first, didn't get one and didn't give it a second thought, because it's just one or two nights and doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, especially when the NHS is on its knees and there are people with unwell babies needing extra care and attention around you.

They were stunning. Almost 3lbs and cute as buttons. I miss them everyday. Xx

I'm so sorry, I hope you have found some peace since then. It's a scary road isn't it and I hope your twins are doing well. Xxx

All the best for your current pregnancy. I also suffered later losses prior to my twins and know it is a fragile, hopeful but scary time.

I'm pregnant again now so pretty nervous about this time ahead.

Fingers crossed for you this time @Ella31 💐

Beyond heartbreaking, I bet your boys were absolutely perfect 🩵🩵

I wonder if it's partly about staffing as well, like maybe the private rooms have a different ratio of nurses to patients so they might not be checking on the private rooms as often. I've had 4 babies with quite different births (I'm not in the UK though) but with my second which was very low complications (compared to 2 very complicated births and a NICU baby) where I was very lucky that I was also in a private room I saw the nurses a whole lot less. Then when I had a NICU baby I had a private room because it's not really appropriate to be in with the Mums who get to have their babies in with them when your baby can't be with you. You're entitled to your feelings and it's okay to feel disappointed. The shared postnatal rooms really aren't great. But the Mums in the private rooms are sometimes experiencing a whole different world of trauma. Or, sometimes other people just get an easier experience but comparing who had it better or worse isn't really helpful.

Agreed. Doubt it will happen anytime soon though. When I was in hospital when my twins died , all the private rooms were taken up already including me being in one. Though that two weeks it was a pretty bad period for the neonatal unit [I'm in Ireland] I'd like to see more resources going into maternity. I'm pregnant again now so pretty nervous about this time ahead.

I think everyone should have privacy post birth. When we treat privacy like a limited resource we run into rationing issues, which is how I almost ended up in general ward despite having one in nicu and one scu.

Sorry, but I have never been as neglected as when I was on a general ward. In theory there are medical professionals in the room more frequently , but they aren’t necessarily paying attention to you. It makes it easier for hospital to tick a box that patient has been attended to, but they haven’t actually been cared for.

I didn't say anyone with a baby in the nicu should be on a ward, my second twin was in there till he died. I think anyone who is compromised should have the private space. I just took umbridge with a posters comment that everyone should have a room no matter what. Really glad that your babies were ok. It's terrifying isn't it Xxxx

You needed to be on the main ward so that an eye could be constantly kept on you. In a private room that would not be the case, you would be checked on by rota. On the main ward everyone who came in would know to notice how you were doing, even if they did not specifically come and carry out some procedure.0

I don't think she did. She thought if she paid for the room she would have it come Hell or high water by the sounds of it. A private room is a double edged sword as it is much more difficult to keep an eye on a patient, whereas on a ward every nurse/doctor who comes in will have an eye open to see where help is needed. She doesn't understand that, either.

No, you shouldn’t have been on ward. But neither should someone with a child in nicu, or anyone else who has had a difficult birth.

i had one on nicu and one in scu, and it was the worst week of my life. I am incredibly grateful that both children survived, but it was not a certainty at the time, and it would not have been appropriate for me to share a room with mothers and healthy children.

If you've had an operation then they're much less likely to let you be in a side room where they can't see you if something happens after the op. The midwives are not out to upset you, but to give the best care they can.

Thank you and I'm so grateful we were. I just remember crying in the room as they brought my beautiful boy in - gone but so perfect. 4 days later we removed his brothers life support and 40 minutes later dh and I sat numb looking at our beautiful boys - dreams completely ripped to shreds. Some poster just said the op should have a private room like every other mum here. Trust me if it would bring back my boys I'd have slept on the floor outside but to grieve I was so grateful for that privacy.

You're getting a hard time here but I don't think you are being unreasonable if the rooms were available and they weren't keeping an eye on you anyway.

I'm sure everyone agrees mothers whose babies have passed away or are in NICU should be prioritised but this was seemingly not relevant in this case.

What about mums who babies were stillborn or died. Two of mine died last November. Stillborn and my second twin was removed from life support. Should I have been in a ward that had mums and their healthy babies. I'm a mum on here.

I'm so sorry @Ella31 and @Stinksmum and anyone else I may have missed who lost their beautiful babies. 100% people in your situations should be prioritised for private rooms and I'm glad you both were x

I don't think the majority are being unfair. I'm the third woman on here whose baby died- two in my case (my twins died) and we needed the rooms the night it happened. A woman was removed the night my first twin passed and she was really pissed off as the care assistant explained the situation. I've only ever seen this happen when babies die or a baby is in intensive care.

This has broken my heart, I am so, so very sorry to your SIL. Making her go to a ward where other women have their babies is absolutely barbaric. X

Completeky agree. I lost my twins at birth last year, my son was stillborn and his brother died 4 days later. so i was given a private room I needed it too. I'm so sorry for your loss xxx

Honestly I think people put such expectations on the birth plan they want. Births are messy and can often end up not going to plan. Ultimately all most people want is a healthy baby.
I'm sorry it wasn't as you hoped it would be, but don't let resentment spoil your first few weeks with your lovely newborn. A single room while it would have been lovely is just not worth that.