Not allowed private room

Bless you. It's horrible feeling out of control when you're vulnerable.

Please try and look after yourself as much as possible. Remember some people on MN aren't here to be compassionate as much as they are to make sassy little comments for the sake of their own ego, forgetting they could be talking to someone experiencing real trauma. We should be here to support new mothers but unfortunately that doesn't always happen.

I haven't rtft. OP, I paid for a private room, they ignored me for 3 days. I was blissfully unaware that my baby needed to feed more and was getting poorly. On the first few days my midwife literally introduced herself saying 'I'm your named midwife but I am too busy to see you due to others being more poorly'. On the third day the pain relief trolley came to my room for the first time (they were shocked I hadn't been offered anything before that). On the 3rd day a lovely midwife introduced herself and taught me to breastfeed. Then the paediatrician had a battle with the team about my baby's urgent need for nutrition and we started mixed feeding. She was actually quite ill after that rocky start. Just to let you know private is far from perfect. I'm sorry it wasn't how you wanted, I regretted private and you don't know how that would have turned out. Hope you are doing ok.

I had a 36 hour labour and traumatic birth with complications for me and DS1. I asked to pay for a private room but it was a much busier day than usual and I couldn't have one. They also said they needed to keep an eye on me and baby easily and better in a ward. I arrived in ward at 5am exhausted. At 7am all the lights are on and it gets even more noisy. I was angry at the time but now I realise that others had a greater need.

I think you’re being a bit melodramatic OP.

i had a baby by emergency c section under general anaesthetic before my husband even had time to get to the hospital.

they put me on the antenatal ward which was so kind as my baby was in NICU so I didn’t want to be surrounded by other mums with their babies. I’m pretty sure all the private rooms were taken by other people more in need which was completely fine by me. I was just grateful that my baby had been born alive thanks to some amazingly swift medical decisions (made in a matter of seconds)

if you want a private hospital experience then you need the £££ to pay for a private hospital simple as

Birth stories always turn into some sort of competition. I’m sorry you had a shit time. I can’t imagine being put on a ward after having a baby is easy, no one is getting any rest. You just can’t plan your birth, anything can happen unfortunately. Try to focus on your recovery and spending time with your baby.

It's not a race to the bottom we should all be a lot more outraged about the shit show that maternity care is. The 'at least you and the baby are alive' attitude is what's driving the low standards.

Pre-birth it’s all Baby Showers, Birth Plans, Gender Reveals and handy Apps to help you prepare for the perfect birth.

At birth it’s a lottery. You’re just one of many having a baby. If you’re lucky there’ll be a bed available and a midwife. If you’re very lucky the midwife will listen to your needs (before going off shift and passing you on to someone else who may or may not). And if you’re exceptionally lucky you’ll have the birth you wanted.

After birth you’ll be sent home asap to make room for the next intake. You might be lucky enough to receive a piece of toast and a watery cup of instant coffee. This is ‘empowering’.

Basically, if you don’t already know the nhs is a mess, you’ll know once you arrive at hospital in labour.

I really do understand your upset and how awful it was for you and you needed that private space- but this is unfortunately what it’s like in a busy nhs maternity ward.

the only way to guarantee privacy is to give birth in a private hospital.
I remember the horror of being on a noisy ward post emergency c section after 3 day labour with no sleep - it definitely added to the trauma. That was 25 years ago - I still get annoyed if I think about it.

Our hospital didn’t have private options. My second baby ended up in the SCBU and I lay in bed crying because I was on the main ward where I couldn’t get any rest due to all the other mothers having their babies with them. They told me to stay in bed and rest and to pop up to SCBU for feeding times. During visiting we went up but it was only my DH and DD who were able to visit SCBU. Partners weren’t allowed to stay. Visiting was strict. And he couldn’t stay late either as he had our other daughter at home. First time around I was on a 6 bed ward with just a teenager. I lay in bed crying on the phone whilst all I was listening to was her on her phone loved up to her boyfriend and then he appeared at the door with fish n chips with her at one point.

When I had my twins, it was hospital policy to try to give parents of multiples a private room - so that the Dad could stay overnight to help. So, after my c section, I spent 15 hours or so on a bay with other women and babies, and then my partner and I, and our babies, were duly given a fabulous private room - huge, amazing view, en suite, super clean and very quiet. All free.

All seemed great. Until it wasn't.

What no one had realised was that I had serious internal bleeding. Shortly after being shown to our private room, my partner nipped out to try to find the hospital restaurant. I was alone in the room with the babies. I got out of bed to use the loo and collapsed on the floor. My blood pressure had obviously plummeted. I couldn't move any of my limbs. I couldn't speak - let alone call out or reach the alarm button. Fortunately, my partner happened to come back to the room very shortly afterwards and so was able to get urgent help.

To me, it's important that women who have recently given birth are within earshot of another adult at all times - whether that's in a ward with other women or in a private room with someone who stays with you all the time.

I hope you can put your understandable disappointment with your antenatal experience behind you OP and enjoy this precious time.

No, the private rooms are not guaranteed. There are no free rooms, you pay to have a private room, which are not guaranteed if there is a bigger need. Only fully private births, planned and paid for prior to the birth, can guarantee off-ward private rooms.

How has any mother benefitted from other mothers being in the ward?

Why didn’t you just go private from the outset? There is always a risk the private rooms may not be available. It’s not a hotel. Like everyone said you have a healthy baby - focus on that

OP I had a traumatic emergency cesarean and was put into first a single empty room that was being refurbished while I was in it, with my screaming new born baby.

Then I was moved to a creepy, empty ward with vacant beds in that gave major horror movie vibes.

Sadly healthcare has been completely stripped of resources, poorly run by successive governments, and in all is not always fit for purpose. It can also be amazing, and it is incredibly free.

I think as long as you came through clinically safely and unscathed, just chalk it down to experience and move on.

When i had my sons 24 and 19 year ago had my own room for both 1st was in old block and second in the new block never paid for them as was standard in my hospital not sure if they had and have wards in the maternity wing

@Mamabobogo but what difference does it make?

Of course it makes a difference that your births were both over 30 years ago!

As far as this conversation goes you haven’t got the first clue, your experience isn’t relevant to the conversation in the slightest! You have no idea what maternity wards or the care is like.

Your condescending posts just make your arguments even less credible. Your experience does not equal everyone else's. It was also a long time ago - Your children are older than me and I've had 2 myself. Things have clearly changed a lot since then, and no matter how much you try to make people look silly, it doesn't negate their experience. You really don't seem to get that people not thinking the exact same way as you do, doesn't make them wrong.

Hi op,

All the women in the ward would have needed the same thing as you and it is for the staff not to be walking and walking all night to get these checks done.

I think it is a little bit unreasonable to expect to have a room alone above having the proper care and to be in easy access should anything happen.

If possible, maybe second time around have a home birth? Or you need to pay big bucks and go where you can have a private room despite these potential checks. I bet that if you’d extra extra care, they would want you and babe in hospital though…

Birthing is quite the thing. Focus on your health. Focus on your babe. Don’t keep a bad memory coz you weren’t alone in 1 room.

Good luck 🌺

This is normal in many hospitals. Even private rooms that you pay for are not guaranteed if someone else needs it or there's a clinical need to keep you on the ward. This should have been explained when you first enquired though.

I'm sorry you had a difficult time though. I hope you and your baby are doing well

If it wasn't a hospital ward in 2024, after fourteen solid years of Tory neglect, then you haven't got a clue.

No, women do not deserve to be subjected to that. And how much of a lovely time you had in hospital last century doesn't come into consideration.