Not allowed private room

I had a privet room when my son was extremely premature and I had sepsis i later developed psychosis and when I went on to have my daughter I asked if I could have a privet room incase my psychosis came back there was no rooms available due to tragic circumstances I understood and I didn’t even get psychosis again infact I have really fond memories of the hospital after having my daughter. It’s scary but the rooms are given on need to have basis. Seek help for post birth truma x

@Allswellthatendswelll I find it mad that you can pay for rooms. Surely they should be allocated on need.

Why is it mad though? They are only available if there is no need for them, and if there is no one who medically or pastorally needs it why shouldn’t the ward make a bit of extra money?

OP I think by my calculation you pretty much gave birth in the busiest week of the entire year.

The third week in September is known to consistently be the ideal 'target' week for couples to try and aim for to ensure their child is one of the eldest in the year, plus it coincidences with a conception on or around New Year.

The weeks either side of the target week are also known to be busy.

I am betting that they simply didn't have a room for you anyway. They do state that although you might be allowed to book this isn't a guarantee you will get a room if there's someone else with a greater need.

Hitting this in just the wrong week certainly isn't going to aid your chances of getting a private room.

I was really lucky to have had a private room by chance both times - first one was because my Covid test came back inconclusive and the second was because I’d had such a quick uncomplicated birth that they said I could just stay in the birthing suite as I’d be discharged in 6 hours!

However, I never requested a private room (and not that it’s my decision) but I would have given up that privacy in a heartbeat to a mum whose baby was in NICU or someone who had a still birth. Theres something to be said for being grateful you have a healthy baby next to you on the ward and I can’t imagine how horrendous that would be for women who don’t have that and have to listen to other people’s babies crying all night! They need that space so much more.

I asked for a paid-for private room, but none were available. If you’d like the certainty of one, perhaps you should consider The Portland or The Lindo Wing at St Mary’s for your next baby.

I find it mad that you can pay for rooms. Surely they should be allocated on need.

I was given one after a long traumatic labour and then EMCS and DS being up in the NICU. I was very distressed and it made a big difference. I'd like to think they'd have booted me out if someone needed it more.
DH went home after spending some time up in NICU and literally blacked out. He'd been awake about 72 hours (I'd actually slept with the epidural in).

Postnatal care is pretty brutal and should be better tbh but if there are limited rooms they should be allocated on need.

I think you have had a rough time on this thread op.
It's not a race to the bottom! Many of us have had traumatic births, for millions of different reasons.
Your feelings of not getting what you feel you needed are valid and I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you had planned.

Ugh this thread 😡😡

YANBU OP. I’m so sorry that you had a difficult time . The state of obstetric care in the country is almost beyond belief.

My postnatal care was awful and my poor husband was ill with shingles at home and couldn't come to the hospital.

I said to him afterwards that it was like Tenko.

I didn't have a second child - no desire at all to go back there.

So sorry this has happened. I was in the main ward when ds4 was in scbu. I had other people's visitors loudly speculating about whether social services had removed by baby. It was horrible and I couldn't wait to get home.

Very few people get their imagined perfect birth. Its unpredictable and first timers go in with completely unrealistic ideas often.

Its not a glamorous time, your hormonal and feeling sorry for yourself but unfortunately you're not anymore important or feeling different than all the other women at that moment in that maternity department going through it. The doctors prioritize based on NEED not your wishes (regardless of who flashes cash).

I have had 3 kids, in 3 different places and didn't get what I 'wanted' any time (things I was promised by the hospital in pre-planning) but years down the line it really doesn't matter.

You can't always get what you want. I got a private room. But I was going through the stillbirth of my beautiful daughter. Some needs are greater than others.

This, entirely

@Spamfritterss I had a similar row with doctors when dd was ill and they said they had to monitor her and yet no one came anywhere near her for over 6 hours. Ther answer was they relied on me to alert them so I would assume that they would apply the same logic to your situation. They may not have physically looked at you. But if something happened on the ward there is more chance people will see/hear you rather than hidden away in a private room.

It's crap but that is the NHS. Unfortunately if you wanted guarantees you would have had to pay for fully private services

My husband and I had been awake for way over 15 hours so I sent him home as one of us had to get some sleep.

It sounds like ultimately you are annoyed at yourself for being a martyr. Firstly 15 hours is less than most people are awake in a normal day, secondly if someone has to be the one to get sleep why did it need to be him when you were the one who had just had surgery?
Your DH could say so he should have stayed to help you. Your time post birth wouldn’t have been nearly as difficult if your DH was helped you.
You’re focusing on the wrong thing by obsessing over the private room.

That’s awful ☹️

At least RTFT before posting such nastiness

OP, YANBU !
The more stressful or difficult the delivery the greater is the need for a peaceful, quiet room with your birthing partner’s / husband’s support.

Yet invariably the opposite happens 🤷🏼‍♀️

Nghttime on a maternity ward is absolute torture. I don’t blame you for feeling upset. The system is totally rubbish.

https://www.ouh.nhs.uk/privatehealthcare/services/children-women/maternity.aspx

It just depends if they happen to be free; though.

I've had incredibly traumatic birthing experiences with my last two.

With my first daughter I'd been kept in hospital for weeks, as she was breech and I had polyhydramnios, so waters breaking not near a theatre would be fatal.

She was born by EMCS when her heartrate dropped. She couldn't breathe properly and had to be taken to SBCU, where they sucked out the fluid and helped her breathe. I didn't see her before she was rushed off.

I was taken up to a ward after the recovery room. I was so distressed being surrounded by crying babies and their happy families, whilst my baby was on another floor and I couldn't even move to see her. She was brought to me a few hours later, but the experience gave me awful anxiety.

With my second daughter, my uterus tore, I lost 3.5 litres of blood and gave birth to a dead baby.

I was given a private suite. I'd be pretty angry if I was expected to be in a ward with living babies (it was bad enough that I could still hear them in the private suite. It wouldn't matter to me how traumatic the birth was for another mother, not if she had a baby that was warm and could cry.

Still though, it must be hard if your friends got what would have benefitted you, I can see how painful and unfair it must seem. I felt the same when I was in a ward without DD1 when others had their babies.

I was even more resentful of the mothers who had crying babies when my was silent.

The OP has had a horrible time, “at least you’re not dead” is vastly unhelpful.

It sounds like you didn’t get the care you needed full stop, and the room was one of many factors. Accept all the support you can, spend some time with your baby and when you’re ready seek out some support for what you’ve been through. There’s lots of organisations and charities who help with birth and post partum trauma.

As if you can't read 🫤

Her first line "I made it clear I wanted to pay for a private room"

Similar happened to me too BrainLife. That was 26 years ago now and this thread has bought it all back to me.

All those people saying “be grateful for the baby you’ve got”.. they have a point but you’re entitled to care after you give birth and my experience of a post natal ward was anything but a place of care. I did a lot to avoid going back to a particular place in subsequent births.

My baby went straight to special care when he was born as he was quite unwell. I was put in a private room but at 1 am I had to be moved due to someone else taking precedence. I was asked if I’d like to bein a room with other Mums with babies or not. I said not and I was placed on the ante natal ward! I’m sorry it wasn’t made clearer to you how it’s not guaranteed but you should be focusing on your precious baby now as you can’t change the past.