Page 2 | Uncle with dementia in care but being neglected

Ibloodylovetea · 2024-10-08T16:30:51+00:00

I have an aunt & uncle who live about 1 1/2 hours drive away from me. My own parents are (alas) no longer with us. Both aunt & uncle in their 80's - they have 2 sons who live a very long distance away (talking 4+ hours). Their DS visit about every 6v weeks as they both teachers they tend to only be able to visit around the same time. Aunt had a stroke a few months ago which has left her significantly disabled. Uncle has dementia & SS took over & put him into a care home as he'd been bed-blocking in a hospital (following a fall) for about 3 months. i visit them every other weekend. For context I'm 61 & still work full time, also have 7 <step> GCs who I need/want to spend time with as well as out DCs - both DH's and mine. So, since going into care (2 years ago) uncle has fallen & broken his wrist, dropped a hot drink into his lap & suffered major burns &, last Sunday when I visited, I found him on his bathroom floor. I went to find someone to help to get him up, but it took a long time before the person who I spoke to could get help. I rang my cousins to express my concerns that I feel that he's being neglected, but due to the distance & their jobs they can't visit more often. Also, due to his high care needs there isn't anywhere else that can take him. When I visit I frequently find him wearing someone else's clothes that don't fit him. I rang both cousins to say that I was concerned that their DF was being neglected & wanted to report the home to the QCC - was basically, was told to but out. So, do I 'but out' & stop visiting? Do I report the home (am thinking that I really need to do that, despite their feelings). Aunt is doing OK ATM, but, as I say, is significantly disabled & I take a freezer-full of home-cooked food when I visit, arrange for meals to be delivered, arrange home delivery from Tesco etc. Opinions please.

Original poster

Ibloodylovetea · 08/10/2024 19:25

Thank you all for your input.

My cousin (who told me to butt out) has POA &, think feels guilty that I'm doing loads for his parents-which is silly because I live much closer than he does & no-one's blaming him for not doing more.

When uncle was bed-blocking DH, me, aunt & cousins (when able) visited dozens of homes, but all said that they didn't have space for uncle due to his high care needs. SS put him in the one that he's in ATM. My concern is that there are lots of low-level neglects eg: me discovering he had 'nappy rash' due to them not changing his pads when needed, sometimes he stinks because he's not been washed, I visit at (say 11:30am) & he's still in bed because they don't have enough staff to get him up, he's lost lots of weight because they don't encourage him to eat, just remove his uneaten meals etc. I didn't feel a need to bore you all with the details. As he's not my DF I can't move him. I just feel so badly for him & my cousins just say as SS approved the home he must be OK.

I guess all I can do is continue visiting when I can - vary the times &, when I can, the days & keep an eye on them both.

I'm keeping a diary & will report the neglect.

Thank you for your support. It's a shit situation for the poor man isn't it?

OP posts:

2dogsandabudgie · 08/10/2024 19:19

I had an aunt who had dementia and was in a care home recently. It sounds very much like the care home she was in. She was quite often dressed in clothes that weren't hers so I think this is quite common. She had falls as well but every time they phoned me and let me know what had happened. With regard to hot drinks can you ask that he has his tea/coffee in a sealed cup. My aunt was ok with drinks but some of the other residents had these type of cups. The home also stank of urine but I think this is also quite common in some care homes.

Also buzzers were being ignored and patients were calling out but I think you have to remember that they know the residents and the ones who genuinely need help.

I was able to visit my aunt at least twice a week and I got to know some of the residents quite well. There was one man who would sit in the lounge and would shout for help but he didn't really need anything.

Branleuse · 08/10/2024 19:00

Id report.
Some of these care homes are an absolute shitshow. Some are amazing.
Can he be moved to a closer one?

NeedToChangeName · 08/10/2024 18:57

Out of interest, why did the sons ask you to back off?

Sadly, I agree with PP that falls / accidents can happen anywhere and it's common for people to wear other people's clothing (but shouldn't be)

But, well done for visiting so often and providing food for your aunt

Upthejunctionandroundthebend · 08/10/2024 18:51

You could try talking to your local Healthwatch team about it, they may be able to advise and are authorised to do Enter and View visits.

SafeguardingSocialWorker · 08/10/2024 18:48

unmemorableusername · 08/10/2024 18:38

Write to his social worker.

Get POA.

unlikely he will have a named social worker if he is settled in residential care

best to ring Cornwall adult social care or use their online reporting form

https://www.cornwall.gov.uk/health-and-social-care/adult-social-care/safeguarding-adults/#public

how do you propose OP gets LPOA if her relative has lost capacity and has children who would quite rightly object to their cousin attempting to get it because she thinks they are doing poor job? That's an absolute non starter of a suggestion sorry.

Safeguarding adults - Cornwall Council

Safeguarding adults information for professionals

https://www.cornwall.gov.uk/health-and-social-care/adult-social-care/safeguarding-adults#public

MistressoftheDarkSide · 08/10/2024 18:45

unmemorableusername · 08/10/2024 18:38

Write to his social worker.

Get POA.

Unfortunately you can't get POA unless the person needing it has capacity and can consent. Capacity can be deemed as fluctuating ie. People can have capacity to make some decisions but not others, but any major legal undertaking would be subject to the opinion of health professionals and legal professionals. It's not that easy Unfortunately.

And sending solidarity to the OP - these situations are heart breaking on every level.

unmemorableusername · 08/10/2024 18:38

Write to his social worker.

Get POA.

username3678 · 08/10/2024 18:22

You could phone adult safeguarding and speak to them about it. Another helpline is Age UK.

maddening · 08/10/2024 18:19

I would be installing hidden recording equipment to uncles room!

Original poster

Ibloodylovetea · 08/10/2024 18:01

SafeguardingSocialWorker · 08/10/2024 17:47

The things you have described don't necessarily point to neglect - perhaps his children have regular conversations with the home and have a greater understanding of what has happened and what his risks are?

Falls in care homes are a regular event, being in 24 hour care might reduce the risk of a fall, but can't prevent them altogether. A fall occurring would only be classed as neglect if the person e.g. was supposed to be on a 1:1 staff ratio because of their high falls risk and that 1:1 wasn't provided, or equipment they were supposed to have to reduce their fall risk wasn't there, or if a member of staff did something wrong to cause the fall.

Similarly with the hot drink, sadly accidents happen it doesn't necessarily mean there has been neglect. it would be neglect if he was e.g assessed as needing a sippy cup or cooler drinks and didn't have them and was provided with a hot drink when he shouldn't have been. For lots of people a properly hot cup of tea remains important to them even if they have a cognitive impairment.

When you say it took the person you spoke to a long time to get help for the most recent fall do you mean, they took a long time to be bothered to get help or they needed a specifically trained person to do it (e.g. a nurse with a hoist) and one wasn't available immediately. The advice generally is not to move people who have fallen without proper training and if there is any possibility that something is broken not to move them at all without paramedics in attendance to convey them to hospital. That can often mean making people as comfortable as possible on the floor until help arrives.

If you have neglect concerns there is little point reporting them to the CQC, all CQC will do is pass them on to the Local Authority to investigate so you may as well cut out the middle man and make the report directly to Adult Social Care if you genuinely feel he is being neglected.

The clothes thing is poor but incredibly common - best thing you can do to help there is offer to write his name in sharpie in prominent places in everything he owns to stop it wandering in the laundry.

Thank you for your input. Uncle didn't need a hoist, just would have been unsafe I would have helped (& offered). My concern when he fell was that I got the person in charge, she pressed buzzers, no response, then she asked a couple of care assistants who were chatting in the corridor to help - they said that they were going off shift shortly & couldn't. There are ignored buzzers going all the time. I've spent hours sewing name tapes into his clothes so no excuses there. I've also been there at meal times & witnessed the poor quality of food they're being given. If it was my father I'd remove him, but then - where to if care needs so high & so few places to put them? I live in the South West with a high number of elderly people & the young people (potential carers) can't afford to live down here.

The whole place stinks of wee & is a maze of corridors with nothing to help the residents find their way around. I have a degree in in health & social care & it shocks me.

Uncle tells me that he's often fallen & been ignored. But then he has dementia & tells me about how they all went out in taxis on a visit which, when I check, I find is not true.

Thank you for the advice about about reporting them to Adult Social Care. I will do that, but suspect that, given the lack of adult social care facilities in Cornwall, they will ignore it.

Dear God I hope that I don't get dementia 😩

OP posts:

SafeguardingSocialWorker · 08/10/2024 17:47

The things you have described don't necessarily point to neglect - perhaps his children have regular conversations with the home and have a greater understanding of what has happened and what his risks are?

Falls in care homes are a regular event, being in 24 hour care might reduce the risk of a fall, but can't prevent them altogether. A fall occurring would only be classed as neglect if the person e.g. was supposed to be on a 1:1 staff ratio because of their high falls risk and that 1:1 wasn't provided, or equipment they were supposed to have to reduce their fall risk wasn't there, or if a member of staff did something wrong to cause the fall.

Similarly with the hot drink, sadly accidents happen it doesn't necessarily mean there has been neglect. it would be neglect if he was e.g assessed as needing a sippy cup or cooler drinks and didn't have them and was provided with a hot drink when he shouldn't have been. For lots of people a properly hot cup of tea remains important to them even if they have a cognitive impairment.

When you say it took the person you spoke to a long time to get help for the most recent fall do you mean, they took a long time to be bothered to get help or they needed a specifically trained person to do it (e.g. a nurse with a hoist) and one wasn't available immediately. The advice generally is not to move people who have fallen without proper training and if there is any possibility that something is broken not to move them at all without paramedics in attendance to convey them to hospital. That can often mean making people as comfortable as possible on the floor until help arrives.

If you have neglect concerns there is little point reporting them to the CQC, all CQC will do is pass them on to the Local Authority to investigate so you may as well cut out the middle man and make the report directly to Adult Social Care if you genuinely feel he is being neglected.

The clothes thing is poor but incredibly common - best thing you can do to help there is offer to write his name in sharpie in prominent places in everything he owns to stop it wandering in the laundry.