More a WWYD - Child's concert or family party

Obvious really. One goes to party, other one to concert.
This will happen often as children get older.

The very first thing I would be doing would be to find out exactly what they will be doing, and at what time.

Too often did I sit in concerts, where my child had like 5 minutes at the start, and nothing else. I often suspect they get as many children as possibly involved, just so they sell more tickets.

Honestly if it’s one of these.. singing one song, no solo, sat at the back - I would be going to try party.

I think I am a rare parent that hated school concerts

Complain to school about lack of communication. Someone will be disappointed

Oh I was focusing on the logistics of the concert.
Wasn’t suggesting a mum friend drives them to family do .

Concert as it's what he's been praticing for

But I would find out where /when he sings and hopefully early on and can sneak off after and then party

The others go to the party - drop off early if need be like 2/3 and drive back for concert and then drive back again

Which is a lot of fluffing and driving

Or

Dad and other child go to party via train and ask relatives to pick up from station

And you then drive after singing /concert

Schools /companies should give lots of notice for things like this

I know it's annoying.

We have a gym comp and was told be either sat or sun. It's in 2w and got told last night it's the Saturday

Not quite the same but did mean had to keep both days free till we knew

Concert. Every time.

But, you don't both need to go. So, one takes ds to the concert and then drives up to the party afterwards.

You'll get this more and more in the future. I always think, if it's a concert or a competition/match which they've practiced for, they should go.

Husband takes the kids to the concert. You have a weekend away and chill out with your family. They can join you on Sunday if they want.

If you and DS can't get a train, assuming DH takes older DS, could DH pick you up from the concert and drive you all over together? You will be late, but it won't be over by 10:30.
Or you and younger DS go to the concert and then go over to family the following day by public transport. You'd miss the party, but get to spend the day with family.

If the family thing is weekend event go to the concert then travel to them and have the other day with them

The concert. It wouldn’t even be a question for me, I will always prioritise my children.
Given the update that your eldest didn't even want to go to the party, then problem solved.

At least one parent should take DS to the concert. The party is much less important.

if cars are an issue, find a lift or get a cab. I am sure you can make it work if you put your mind to it.

Can the 11 year old go to the concert with a friend and sleep over?

Sorry but I’d ditch the concert there will be hundreds but family should come first

If you are staying the weekend you can do both the concert first and then go to the relatives' house.

Unless DS is a soloist, then I think the prior commitment should take precedence. There’ll be more choir performances, but this party is about maintaining family relationships.

Family party you already said you would go. No different to pulling out to attend a party. There will also be other concerts

Concert, absolutely, and then join the family party if you can.

Doubt there's a fiddle orchestra, maybe bone up on your musical terms if the lad is interested? 😊

Concert.
The costumes will keep for another year
(With minor alterations in size if needed)

This is a good solution.
There must be another way to get to the family event afterwards, particularly if it's going to be an all-weekend thing.

This is a good idea

Concert, 100%. I chose DS's performances over any other event.

The reason I ask about when your son is performing is that if it’s earlier then you could meet him backstage and head off.

im a stickler for etiquette so id probably honour the earlier commitment but i can totally see your dilemma.

Go to his concert. he has practiced at home .
he is excited. it’s a big deal.

but I think your husband should take your eldest.

and if that means you don’t have a car see if you can figure out a lift etc with mum pal.
or get a cab.

we have to do similar tomorrow.

Your husband takes the eldest to the family party. You take the youngest to the concert and follow them to the family party early the next day, as it'll be too late after the concert. Then your son gets to do what's important to him, your husband gets to spend the weekend with his family and you'll get to spend half the weekend as well. Win win.

If you were going for the weekend then head down after the concert.

is he performing in the whole concert? Any chance his performance might be at the start of the night?

even if it’s late for the party at least you will be there for the morning and the rest of the weekend.

If I was party host I’d be disappointed but understand but it would mean a lot for you to make an effort to try to attend part of the party.