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Original poster

Am I unfair for not having a party for my son when he turns 6 next week?

103 replies

Heathermoorland · 08/10/2024 15:51

He’s had two big birthday parties - one when he turned 4 and one when he turned 5.
When he turned 4 we had a bouncy castle in a hall party and invited all his nursery friends plus a few from outside school. When he turned 5 last year we invited all his reception class, that was a soft play one.

I said next year he can choose a few friends to go bowling or something, but this year we’re just having a meal with family.

OP posts:
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GameOfJones · 08/10/2024 22:09

We have never done the big party thing for DDs, we've spent the money on a family day out to the zoo or some other day trip instead.

But they still have a handful of friends over for a mini party. It really is just a playdate with some party bags and birthday cake!

Starzinsky · 08/10/2024 21:32

My kids didn't have parties every year.

FrauleinGreen · 08/10/2024 21:24

Honestly don’t be guilted into the expense. We did it for years, more and more expensive, as my mother felt they should have a party ( I had one in the house as a child)
Its hundreds of pounds and a very stressful time for yourself, and it creates expectations in the child.

TeddyBeans · 08/10/2024 21:18

My son turned six this year and we booked a family day to a local amusement park which took the majority of his birthday budget. He took sweets to school for his friends on his birthday. He's not been traumatised by it - quite the opposite in fact - not doing a party every year is absolutely okay OP!!

BettyBardMacDonald · 08/10/2024 21:18

Catza · 08/10/2024 15:55

Speaking as someone who always had a family meal for a birthday celebration, I don't see what's unfair about not having a party with all bells and whistles. I know they became ubiquitous lately but they were not a thing when I was growing up. I can only remember two occasions when I had a small selection of friends over for birthday lunch. One was around the age of 8 and another at 14. Otherwise, we always spent time with family and still gather for each other's birthdays.

This.

Parties aren't necessary. We just had dinner at home with a cake. Dinner was usually pancakes. At much older ages than six.

LlynTegid · 08/10/2024 21:16

Please do not feel guilty in any way about what you are planning to do.

Calliopespa · 08/10/2024 21:13

Heathermoorland · 08/10/2024 21:05

@ObieJoyful You may not have read my post update, I’m taking a friend (maybe two) to a trampoline place the weekend after his birthday.

No don’t say maybe two op!!

You’ve been bullied into this. One friend is a perfectly lovely outing for a six year olds birthday. It’s not like he hasn’t had parties before and won’t have them again, and if funds are tight it’s perfectly ok to have a year where things are scaled back. If anything he’ll probably love it more and it will teach him a valuable lesson about how to find happiness in life.

Original poster
Heathermoorland · 08/10/2024 21:06

But still doing the meal on the actual birthday as his grandparents are coming and we’ve already planned it with them (they’re paying)

OP posts:
ObieJoyful · 08/10/2024 21:06

Sorry- cross posted. Good idea, OP!

Original poster
Heathermoorland · 08/10/2024 21:05

@ObieJoyful You may not have read my post update, I’m taking a friend (maybe two) to a trampoline place the weekend after his birthday.

OP posts:
ObieJoyful · 08/10/2024 21:05

We always had parties every year (it’s only once a year!). It was usually just friends invited to the house, with a few games- it hardly broke the bank (we weren’t very well off).

It’s a special day. What child would pick a meal out with family over having friends to play?! 🥳

Original poster
Heathermoorland · 08/10/2024 21:04

@Oblomov24
You may not have read my post update, I’m taking a friend (maybe two) to a trampoline place the weekend after his birthday.

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Oblomov24 · 08/10/2024 21:02

I think this is wrong. At least have a few friends round for tea, minimal cost.

Original poster
Heathermoorland · 08/10/2024 21:01

I’m not sure you can rely on British weather for the park in mid October! We live in the north too. Might be different if he had a summer birthday.

OP posts:
villainousbroodmare · 08/10/2024 20:56

I've been to a few very inexpensive 4-5-6 yo park/ playground parties where a few bowls or sweets, crisps, balloons and blowing bubbles plus running around like mad things plus a cake created a nice feeling of occasion with pretty minimal outlay.
That's what I would do.

Original poster
Heathermoorland · 08/10/2024 20:54

My DP thinks a family meal on his birthday is pretty normal, but then again he’s not a 6 year old boy anymore!

OP posts:
Original poster
Heathermoorland · 08/10/2024 20:52

His grandparents are paying for the meal, so I’ll feel bad saying no to the meal itself but asking for the money instead.
I was going to take a cake and get them to bring it out at the meal , sing happy birthday and blow out the candles. I might get another smaller one for the trampoline place with his friend too.

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1AngelicFruitCake · 08/10/2024 20:47

I would say that the meal is more for the grown ups. He might like the money from the meal spent on a cheaper visit to a cafe and more money to have an extra friend at trampolining.

YourLastNerve · 08/10/2024 20:47

Not unreasonable to not have a big whole class party. But maybe just 2-3 friends for a play and tea? Make a pin the tail on the donkey and play some music and dance in the living room.

LostMySocks · 08/10/2024 20:45

Based on many many parties the thing that matters to the birthday kid is everyone singing happy birthday and the cake.
It doesn't matter if it's a £5 cake from Tesco, something the mum has made or a crazy price one from a bakery. The child's face is the same. All lit up and proud.
See if you can have a small cake and candles with his friend. Likely others will join in and sing too. You can then take a photo. He'll remember the cake not how many were there.

Original poster
Heathermoorland · 08/10/2024 20:43

We’ll be doing the trampoline place on the weekend after his birthday with a friend, maybe two, and a meal out after school on his actual birthday day.

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 08/10/2024 20:34

My dds 10 and 12 remember all their parties from about 4/5 onwards including the birthday cake and key events that happened .. they were quite a big part of their childhood. And they remember a lot of parties they’ve been to. Maybe they are just party kids!

I would do a party if your ds wants one. It doesn’t have to be huge and expensive. If he wants a day out instead that’s obviously great - he can choose.

Mistysunshine · 08/10/2024 19:07

@Heathermoorland a day out with a friend sounds like a great idea, I'm sure he'll love it. It sounds like you've planned lots of special touches for his birthday too, he'll have a great time.

maddening · 08/10/2024 19:02

Ds is a little older but one of his friends had a kick about in the park and the mum made pizzas at home that they ate in between games

AliceMcK · 08/10/2024 19:02

A common cheap birthday party at my DDs school is at the closest park afterschool. There is an Aldi a few min walk away so it’s usually a big multipack of crisps, haribos, cupcakes and flavoured water. The kids run around playing football, swings etc.. some parents bring balloons some don’t.

i know the time of year isn’t ideal weather wise but it’s an idea if you have a park close by to look at doing something like this.