To feel rubbish about this - breastfeeding groups

Can I ask how this is any different to getting a certificate at slimming world for example? One person is getting praised for achieving their goal and everyone claps for them, even if they've been there 2 months and haven't shifted a pound yet?

What you eat in pregnancy doesn’t matter above all…I’m sorry that’s just not true.

Thats pretty disappointing a midwife was setting you up with thoughts like that before you’d even started. Why on earth would they say that.

All babies are amazing - how you choose to feed them isn’t. No one else is bothered about how you feed your babies.

I'm still struggling to understand why an achievement for someone else diminshes you.

I think it's divisive.
Not everyone can or wants to breast feed.
I tried and couldn't.
It's not bringing women together is it.

My daughter was the only one not breast fed at nursery. And the only one not to get ill. Only off with chicken pox. That she caught on holiday.

OP, I’ve had this kind of assumption as well - you needed more help etc.

In my case, at least a dozen mws at Liverpool Womens over five days, including a very senior one, failed to get DS1 to latch properly. At home, my very experienced community mw said let’s have a look at what’s going on, and promptly said that she’d bf her first and third, but her second had been like DS - give him a bottle. She gave advice on expressing but warned me that I wouldn’t get much out. I asked what would have happened to a baby like DS before there was formula - her response was that he would have become very ill.

He was a full term 8 pound healthy baby - who was trying to get the milk very quickly and when it didn’t work for him would pull off quickly and scream. There was nothing wrong with his tongue. Once we got going with the bottle he was very happy.

He is now 24, first class honours in engineering, very healthy and happy, with no allergies etc. if I had known then what I know now, I would not have wasted one second on worrying about failing to bf and trying nipple shields and god knows what. I would have cracked on with bottle feeding, been pleased that I could express a few ounces a day for the first month, and enjoyed the fact that DH could do the late feed and I got a decent amount of sleep.

Take it from an older mum - what you eat in pregnancy and what you wean them on to are what matter above all. If you need to bottle feed, do so in confidence that they’ll be fine. I don’t t know why I didn’t engage my critical faculties properly at the time. After all, I was bottle fed on formula in the late 60s - it has not exactly done me any harm. And bottle feeding meant I was better rested and enjoyed those early months.

Yes, you’re absolutely right. I would have been upset after my struggle to feed DS1.

8 years later with DS2 I would have had a word with her at the end and asked her to never do that again in my best head of department voice. But by then I had an 8 year old who was a walking advert for Cow & Gate and I took no crap from anyone basically shaming bottle feeding mums, intentionally or not.

I took my cue from my wonderful friend who breastfed both of hers but who took her mw to task when she told her 4 year not to feed her doll with a toy baby bottle - ‘feed your baby the proper way like mummy does’ - as she realised her DD might repeat those words to me or someone else.

I am an ardent breastfeeding supporter, breastfed my toddler for 3 years, but I think this was a very insensitive thing to do, both for you and those receiving the award, I would have been mortified to get one, I breastfed because it worked for me and my child not to get a pat on the back and a certificate….

I am lucky enough to have been able to breastfeed. If anyone had given me a certificate or worse a round of applause I would have been mortified! YANBU. It is not only insensitive but cringe worthy. This should have been done at the breastfeeding group.

I am not at all saying breastfeeding mums need to hide away or carry the distress of others. All I'm saying is that I agree this woman should have waited until the following week to hand out the certificates so as to be sensitive to the fact that some women in the following group could still be struggling with breastfeeding or have had to give up.

I actually didn't lack for bf support - I had loads at the support at the hospital and at home. I joined LLL. My very first posts on Mumsnet were seeking help about BF and I got a lot of advice. I just wasn't making enough to feed my baby in the end and was one part of my whole birthing trauma.

This whole you have to own your decision for your own mental health is not fair either.

I’ve got something like 5 or 6 years of breastfeeding under my belt and I would have found this mortifying and utterly awful for the women who weren’t getting a certificate.

You can get it acknowledged at the next breastfeeding group? Why make the generic mum & baby group about breastfeeding? The round of applause is so cringe.

OP I’d have found this upsetting too.

I think you're reading too much into a single word. I only meant I know some women found it difficult and persisted and it worked out for them.

What’s untrue? I have DT’s in their mid 20’s - solely fed on formula (by choice). 100% happy and healthy.

This woman asked for a round of applause from women not part of this breastfeeding group. I am definitely not saying breastfeeding women shouldn't be acknowledged publicly - that's ridiculous. But if you're going to hand out certificates in a small group to celebrate it then maybe find out who your audience is first.

I think it's odd to give out certificates and I breastfed for 14 months. I think I would have found it patronising.

Well that's untrue

Odd and stupid to give out certificates so YANBU but I guess they want to give women some encouragement (slightly misguided maybe but I appreciate the sentiment).

I have a 6 week old and Breastfeeding has been one of the hardest thing I have ever done. Yes, you wanted to and weren't able to and I understand you are sad about it of course. But that doesn't take away from the fact that even if things are equal and you have a healthy baby, breastfeeding is HARD and so much around us discourages us from doing it. I was delusional with sleep deprivation in the first 4 weeks because I was only sleeping in 20 - 60 minutes slots. I paid £££ on a lactation consultant to get it going properly. I still can't go get my hair done or go to physio (which i desperately need) because my baby is totally attached to me and no one else can feed him so i can't be away for more than 1.5 hrs max. Almost everyone I know has given up by now or is planning on giving up soon.

So yeah, some encouragement is needed so I sort of get what the woman is trying to do and it doesn't have anything to do with you, really. They should have done it in the BF group.

YANBU. I tried and failed to breastfeed DD and successfully breastfed (and still am) DS. I wouldn't want a certificate and applause for doing it I think it's a bit weird.
I too would have found it a bit upsetting when DD was a baby. She wouldn't latch and just fell asleep whenever I tried to breastfeed so we had to formula feed. Having experienced both methods I think both have their merits and difficulties.

They should have left it for the next breastfeeding group session

Yes, OP has already spelled out that she isn't expecting breastfeeding to be hidden away. There's a vast gulf between not wanting to be co-opted into impromptu certificate presentations and hiding bf away. That really ought to be obvious.

Amazing that you pumped for 5 months, thats tough, you did so well xx

Should have been done at the BF group - if they really needed to do it at all.

Omg - I'm really supportive of breastfeeding (extended bf, i won't say for how long because people are judgy!) But suffice to say I have no issue with breastfeeding groups but giving out certificates is bloody weird. I don't think external validation in this way is meaningful, a bit different if a trusted friend in the group says, "you're smashing it..." and I can absolutely understand why giving certificates out outside of group, with those who haven't been able to bf, would feel shitty.

A midwife said to me that bottles given very early on are much ''easier'' for a baby than the effort that they need to put in to BF successfully.

Some people find BF easy, others don't.

It saves a load of money to be able to do it easily- but it's not like you didn't try- you absolutely did.

A certificate isn't really necessary. What would one actually DO with it?
Stick it on the fridge like a rosette?
Champion Milker?

Completely wrong to hand them out in the general group. A bit of congratulation in the actual BF group is fine.