To feel rubbish about this - breastfeeding groups

This is insane. Am I musinderstanding or are you saying being happy and proud of feeding your child in a particular way is like being imprisoned and used as a breeders for powerful people? How on earth is it handmaid's tale vibes? Have you read it?

Also the certificates weren't handed out "to make" others feel bad, just for some reason a lot of people can't be happy for others if they have/do something they want to do and take it personally when it's nothing to do with them.
Sounds also like it was a one off, probably a slightly thoughtless moment but I highly doubt there was any ill intent here.

I’ve seen several threads about it.

I think it's possible to celebrate someone's success without having to rub other people's noses in it when they've maybe experienced linked trauma. Because a lot of women are unable to breastfeed due to traumatic births or babies being hospitalised initially etc. That all is absolutely valid and it's important that ALL posts partum women are treated sensitively and with respect.

I think it's very different when an organic 'celebration' happens eg amongst friends/peers recognising someone has worked hard at something. But it's different when it's a specialist provider who is working with mums in a professional capacity. Firstly she broke the confidentiality of the women she gave certificates to in a separate group - that was not professional. Secondly she better than anyone should have been aware that that action could have been highly triggering for others in the room and offered no support with that. That was not professional.

I used it as an example because I was accused of lying at a baby group when I was asked how baby was sleeping.

It didn’t go down well at all.

YANBU at all, it's rude and a bit cringe

Interestingly, there was a thread on here recently from someone with a barely sleeping baby about how awful it is to hear about everyone else's easy sleepers.

Loads of people told me how well their babies slept when I was on my knees with sleep deprivation so I don’t think most people see it as a taboo?

Again no one is talking about expecting anything from BF mums. Please keep on BF, pleasd talking about BF and how it's going, please enjoy BF or not. The OP is talking about the one specific woman handing out certificates and saying she was being insensitive.

When I was in a mum and baby group, 7 out of 10 mums were breastfeeding. I wished it were me too but I didn't feel badly towards them. I would have felt badly if a random from a previous group had decided to walk around handing certificates to the other 7 and asked me to applaud them. I would also have felt badly for the other two mums who couldn't BF - I knew it wasn't by choice either.

Why are you pushing this narrative that FF mums want BF mums to keep it a secret or FF mums want BF mums to consider us? OP is only talking about one person who was being inconsiderate.

No YANBU this is sad. There are also poor bubbas in NICU who are unable
To even have a go at breastfeeding or get that start in life , so yes it's sad and insensitive too

This doesn't make sense.

You rightly point out that most of the bf mums didn't extract any applause. This was imposed on them just as it was imposed on the other mums. They wanted the certificates but didnt ask for a clap..Which means it isn't a question of bf mums being expected to consider anyone.

And nobody in this thread, not one person, has said bf mothers ought to keep it to themselves. That's a strawman. Expecting that one person from the group, who we don't even know to be a currently bf mum anyway, not to extract participation without permission from both bf and ff mums, has nothing to do with secrecy.

I bf and I agree it would have been better done in the bf group... however... she may have thought better get them out incase those mums don't come back in which case the certificates could have been handed out quietly and directly to the mums who were getting them.

I had a really hard time bf ds and I am really proud of our journey (not because of how long we lasted but because of the effort we put into it). But I also can see how many women experience real grief over not being able to either breastfeed directly through latching or who can't for other reasons.

I do think it might help if we stop quantifying 'success' with bf solely by how long someone feeds for and instead maybe recognising the work and the labour and the mental energy someone puts in. Because it leaves more space for women in OPs position where they have clearly worked incredibly hard and that deserves to be noted and celebrated instead of only being seen as a loss. Similarly I think we need to stop only viewing bf as a baby latched to a breast because it looks SO many different ways.

Op I think you're incredible and I commend you for working so hard and for making the difficult choices you had to in order to keep yourself and your baby safe. You are amazing.

Here is another… I agree the applause is too much and probably the certificates as well (not my style anyway!) but you’re saying it’s ok to be congratulated for BF or a length of time doing it or whatever as long as it is done privately in a room with only BF mums in it…

Not sure what your point is but ok. You’re saying you’d be ok with one BF mum parting the back of another and I am saying I would be ok with you for feeling proud that your baby was sleeping through at 6 weeks??

Not everyone would agree.

Absolutely fine to be congratulated after struggling to breastfeed, or congratulating a length of time breastfeeding, or anything else. With applause, certificates, medals etc. But if it's done in the group it's meant to be done in. Breastfeeding grief and trauma matter. To do it in a broader group is horrendous. Comparisons to athletes and being fat are strange and unhelpful here.

You think BF is misogynistic

But BF mums aren't everywhere! - BF rates are very low. BF mums aren't commenting on FF mums, these BF mums weren't 'extracting applause'. Again, why should BF mums consider FF mums in their actions?

Of course you are allowed to say that!
I had pretty awful sleep deprivation at that stage. If you’d said that to me I would have congratulated you!

Of course. As long as I’m allowed to say how proud I am that my baby slept through the night at 6 weeks despite some in the group suffering sleep deprivation.

Very odd and "handmaids tale"vibe.
What are they going to do, frame it?!
It's your own journey, and shouldn't be shoved into peoples faces like at the group that you attend, as it isn't taking into account issues like you have raised. Very insensitive.
I'm all for it being celebrated, but certificates handed out to make others feel inferior is a big no.

Very strange. Id question the group and I want to be part of it. There lots of amazing groups op. For the record I choose to ff and best decision for dh and me. Not saying best for everyone it just worked for us and dd is healthy happy child.. mostly when not telling us off...pre teen A happy mum means a happy child. Yanbu here, find a more supportive group op who just supports mums no matter what they do..even if today like me forget it was school photos and didn't do dd hair as well as I could....

No one is saying this. BF mothers are everywhere, no FF mothers are asking them to keep it to themselves. As mums we should support each other no matter how we feed our babies. I think the OP is saying very specifically that the giving out of certificates and extracting applause from a separate mother and baby group that had at least one mum who couldn't BF even though she wanted to was insensitive. And there could have been others for all we know.

Multiple posters this thread seem to think that not randomly telling onlookers to applaud is the same thing as expecting bf mums to keep it secret. So who knows!

Certificates for breastfeeding? Patronising, insensitive and ridiculous.

And if I could go back to me as a new mum crying about breastfeeding I would tell her in a year you will not give a shit about any of this.

Baby formula is high grade stuff. It’s not powdered McDonalds.