To feel rubbish about this - breastfeeding groups

There are some very insensitive responses on the first page - presumably by mothers who had no problems with breastfeeding.

I found bf incredibly difficult with my first, used formula initially and then mixed fed for a few months. Someone else getting a certificate for achieving what I couldn’t do doesn’t make me feel bad though. Parenthood is a whole lot easier if you are secure in your decisions and choices.

All the posters saying breastfeeding is not an achievement and comparing it to certificates for other stupid things like changing nappies have clearly never struggled to breastfeed and don't know how hard it is.

I agree that other mums may have had a difficult breast feeding journey and it's amazing to achieve what they did. But surely being able to breastfeed is the reward. And in any case, it's still spectacularly insensitive to hand out certificates in front of mothers who are not breastfeeding - because this woman should have known that some women like the OP and me weren't able to even start the journey, and not for want of trying.

I'm sorry that happened. I struggled with my first. Really wasn't easy at all.

I find it very cringe, and rude to women who for whatever reason are not breastfeeding at those 'marks' or to adoptive mothers or to mothers who, for whatever reason, are simply not breastfeeding. And I'm a woman who found breastfeeding incredibly easy, having breastfed my DDs until ages 2 and 3 respectively. It's not a competition, ffs.

You don’t know how hard they found it either though. I breastfed DC1 for a year. I also nearly died of sepsis caused by mastitis when she was days old, and spent 2 weeks in intensive care. I pumped 3 hourly while in intensive care, then built feeding back up when I was discharged. It was really hard. I don’t think that makes me any better than anyone else, I’m just pointing out that just because people have breastfed, it doesn’t mean it’s been easy for them.

Likewise

YANBU, OP. There was no reason she couldn't have waited for the next week and given them out in the breastfeeding group.

I was in hospital with my son for a while when he was a baby: it's incredibly hard to breastfeed in that scenario and I would never have managed if he was my first baby or if I wasn't stupidly stubborn (often to my own detriment). I also think long term pumping is far harder than established breastfeeding. You are doing brilliantly for your baby.

There are some very insensitive responses on the first page - presumably by mothers who had no problems with breastfeeding.

I really struggled with breastfeeding - I wanted to so badly but my milk didn't really come in. We resorted to formula when baby wasn't gaining weight.

It already made me feel sad to see other mums feeding so easily at baby groups. I would have been very hurt by all the certificate giving. Even if the other mothers struggled they don't need a certificate to pat them on the back - they would be happy in themselves.

I would write to the woman giving out the certificates and point out how insensitive it is.

In a few years you’ll do an internal eye roll to yourself that you posted this, along with caring about a bunch of other milestones that seem important and really aren’t.

From your posts, I think you’ll struggle to let it go.

The 'division' is in your mind.

Your feelings about your breastfeeding journey are no one else's responsibility but yours. Their feelings about their breastfeeding journey are theirs. Their experience is nothing to do with you. It's not a commentary on your experience.

Feeding your baby is a given - how you do it doesn’t make you a better mother or mean your baby will be happier or healthier

"Giving grown adults certificates for doing what always was and still is just a normal function of being a mammal (but which doesn't always work for some women or some babies) is bonkers."

There are areas in the UK where women grow up in communities were breastfeeding beyond the first couple of weeks is vanishingly rare. The middle class women posting on this group assume that all women have roughly the same experience, but I'm telling you that some women have to overcome huge social, cultural and emotional barriers to continue to breastfeed their babies. Now you might not value breastfeeding AT ALL, but I assure you that there are women out there who are incredibly proud of having overcome major challenges and pressures to continue to breastfeed their babies and feel really good about it. Who are you to say to women 'you shouldn't value breastfeeding, it's no big deal'?

Maybe it was no big deal to YOU. But it's a big deal for other people and they're allowed to feel good about it without you feeling the need to shit all over them.

Same. Does she also hand out nappy milestone certificates? 100 nappies changed, 250 nappies changed etc?

I hate seeing comments like that. Breastfeeding is an amazing thing to do. And yeah certificates are a bit silly but we don't know what their journeys were like.

I think the concept is cringy but I don't see why celebrating one person's achievements should be avoided because another one didn't/couldn't do it.
Reminds me when I failed an assignment once I was still so happy for my friend who got a first. Her results had nothing to do with mine.

Thank goodness I never went to any sort of baby group. I’d be asking for my certificate for successfully using formula and producing happy and healthy babies.

I don’t get upset when someone get a medal at the end of a marathon I didn’t compete in

It's not the same as that though @PonkyPonky. It's more like gathering together the people who had done all the training but had to drop out of the marathon mid-way through, and handing out the finish medals in front of them, asking them to clap.

It's not about not acknowledging achievements, it's about not rubbing it in the faces of people who wanted to be able to achieve the same but couldn't.

Quite. And this holier-than-thou message no doubt contributes to PND and general poor MH in new mothers.

YANBU. I think the emotive language around breastfeeding is totally and utterly ridiculous - encouraging people to think of it as a huge achievement or a sacrifice if they do it and a terrible failure if they don't. It's insane, and it's part of the modern tendency to fetishise and over-complicate parenting and motherhood.

Giving grown adults certificates for doing what always was and still is just a normal function of being a mammal (but which doesn't always work for some women or some babies) is bonkers.

I would have felt the same way. I had every intention of breastfeeding and I was so upset when it didn't work out. After the "breast is best" line was rammed down my throat throughout my pregnancy, I felt like such a failure. I would have felt ashamed in this scenario.

This would have broken me when DS1 was tiny. I was already wracked with guilt at "failing" to bf him, and I think it's very insensitive to announce it at a general baby group. DS1 is now 14 and I couldn't give a monkeys how I fed him (I bf DS2 until he was a year old, not bothered about that either). But at the time, it would have pushed me further into PND. So no, YANBU.

It's very patronising. I would absolutely of hated getting a certificate and a round of applause. I breastfed because it was cheap and easier for me, and good for the baby. Not for accolades.

It’s a bit odd and definitely cringey but I wouldn’t call it insensitive or offensive. Someone else’s achievements aren’t about what you haven’t achieved. I don’t get upset when someone get a medal at the end of a marathon I didn’t compete in. Breastfeeding can be hard and it’s can get take a lot of effort, pain and perseverance to get to the point of it being easy. I’d have clapped and been happy for them whilst also thinking how weird the whole thing was as adults don’t generally get certificates 🤷‍♀️