To not want to pay the money back

Tell her no and cut her off, neither of your parents are people that deserve children nor grandchildren, she will do the same to your DD eventually, how does that sit with you?

Your mother is clearly abusive, unhinged and volatile.
Your poor husband having her in his life.
You are deep in denial that you would have her near your child.

I would be very pissed off if I was your husband that you accepted her offers in the first place when she clearly has form for being a deeply nasty woman.

Her actions are undoubtedly deliberate and intended to cause upset and stress.

If your childs well-being is your priority you will repay the 1500 somehow, and have absolutely nothing further to do with her.

Could you put half on a 0% card & you pay that & leave her to sort rest

I’d do this! If you can afford it just pay her the purchase price of the items and then go very low contact.

If you can’t afford the lump sum, work out what you CAN pay her - maybe half this month and half next - and tell her that you will not be paying any interest she incurs on gifts that she insisted on buying at the time. Then go very low / no contact.

My instinct is to pay her the £1500 on a credit card and pay it off yourself. This ringfences your liability and somewhat closes off the argument that you should still be beholden to her. It would be all too easy for her payments to slip and she demands more and more of you.

You need to build walls round this somehow for any hope of moving on from it, and giving her the money as fast and finally as possible is the swiftest way to limit further damage and exposure to her games. I haven't been through exactly what you have but perhaps a little closer than most.

I wouldn't be paying £110pm!
If you must offer what you can afford and tell her you haven't budgeted for this.

Oh that's terrible.

She doesn't sound of sound mind.

This isn't how 'normal' mothers treat their adult children.

This is seriously extreme, manipulative behaviour.

Massive difference is that you SAVED for these things {I too have bought 'luxuries' that people might wince at, but I saved first- {rather than buying on credit and having to pay the massive interest}

Credit cards are insane as the APR % is so high.

I wouldn't.

I also took her for dinner, bought flowers/chocolates and made a big deal of saying thank you when in fact I'm now paying for the majority of it anyway.

Tell her you'e knocking the price of that lot plus interest off the debt so will only be paying £100 a month.

And never, never take anything she offers to buy again.

She is so abusive.

You really need to consider going low or no contact. For your own sake.

DH won't be cross with me about the situation, he will be angry with my mother and may say something to her. I know she will act volatile back and throw in his face that his family didn't help and it may escalate.

TBH your mother has hardly help either, caused more stress than help..

I'd definitely talk it over with DH just so as he's kept informed of what's going on.

I know you're on mat leave but I'd ask DH if there's anyway you could pay off half, as in £750 and leave it at that, I certainly wouldn't pay any of the interest and me being me would also want a written receipt, signed, at the time of handing the money over.

I'd then put it all behind you, never discuss it with her again, changing the subject if need be, and have very little contact with her infuture.

Block her and call the police if she turns up. She needs help for her mh. Surely you don't allow her near your dc?

Based on your update op, I double down on cutting her off. It will be awful and she'll throw everything at you to make you back down, but you go through it now and then never have to deal with her again. Her being nice inbetween is part of the game, don't play her games just grey rock her

I don't reply she would come to my house and shout outside my door. She would tell all my family I have been horrible and nasty to her (without saying why or what I had done) and emotionally blackmail me
what!?
I'd pour water over her from an upstairs window
'oh sorry, I thought it was cats fighting'
why are you letting this nutcase control you OP?

She would scream, shout, cry, call me horrible, selfish, horrible names etc. If I hang up on her she will continue to call me and text and if I don't reply she would come to my house and shout outside my door. She would tell all my family I have been horrible and nasty to her (without saying why or what I had done) and emotionally blackmail me.

She’s a nasty bully. Keep appeasing her and she will get worse. Stand up to her. If she starts any of the above tell her your partner will go to the police and report her for harassment. Honestly, do you really want your DC to grow up thinking this is normal? She’ll start on them before you know it…

She sounds awful. Why do you want her in your life at all?

I'd just send her the amount for the cot and pram minus the thank you dinner and gifts. Then be done with her.

She's taking money away from your baby with this credit card interest nonsense. Are you sure she even put it on cc? Is she just trying to make a profit from you? Who's stupid enough to not pay cc off in full each month?

Yeah...no...I think I would just get a 0% interest credit card and money transfer her £1500. She can pay off the interest herself seeing as it was her choice to put it on a credit card with an interest rate.

She didn’t give you a gift, she gave you a burden.

She went to the shop, acted the big spender .. nothing but the best.

& gives u the bill, just awful.

However, in between this she can be kind and funny. She isn't all bad.

So are abusive men.

For some reason we find it more acceptable when a woman is controlling, abusive or narcissistic but it shouldn’t be.

She’s probably nice when she gets her own way and she’s the centre of attention.

I guess you’ve been busy with the baby and she’s now jealous and is trying to cause an argument so the attention is back on her.

Pay the money back in full.

If she ever shouts at you on the phone then just put it down and if she rings back answer.
If she asks you why you put the phone down then say it’s because she was shouting. If she starts shouting again, put it down again and leave it a while before you answer again.

Take steps to putting your boundaries in place (it’s very difficult when you have grown up and been conditioned to accept this behaviour).

I could have written this 15 years ago when my children were small, I was terrified of being "disobedient" and let my parents treat me like shit. The most liberating thing I ever did was cut contact with them and refuse to participate in the constant drama. Very low contact now (after 5 years of NC) but it's all on my terms and I walk away the second the old shit starts. Literally doesn't get to me at all now.
In your situation I would just give her the money in a lump sum and walk away. I hope you find a way to deal with it all, honestly you don't have to live with this

Tell her not to buy any Christmas or birthday presents for any of you for the next five years instead of paying anything back and ignore her tantrums.

However, in between this she can be kind and funny. She isn't all bad.

Not good enough though!

You wouldn't tolerate it from a friend or OH!

I’d be very careful round your babies birthdays and Christmases, OP!
You could find yourself on the end of more grand show-offy gestures and expensive presents for the little one… followed by the bill for them a few weeks later! This must be very annoying for you and your new family🫤

This sounds exactly like my mother. She hasn’t been formally diagnosed but a consultant psychiatrist who knows her well says she’s a covert narcissist with borderline personality disorder. She would behave as you have described. Piling on the guilt until you feel worthless. I learnt from an early age to accommodate her whims as a survival mechanism. Sadly this has become our adult relationship. I wish I could offer advice on a solution but I don’t have one. Good luck and please know you’re not alone or at fault. X