Not allowing heavily pregnant woman to use a loo

A society where there are so many public toilets available that no one has to beg to use a private toilet, putting all parties in an awkward situation.

Sorry op, thats appalling behaviour from the store. I don't understand how this myth arose about "insurance". Utter nonsense!!. As long as you are not left unattended at back of house you can and should be allowed to use their facilities.
I would certainly be dropping a wee email to HO. X

Why wouldn’t she want to whinge? Why so determined to put the boot in? A pp nailed it (I forget who, sorry) when she said that posters on AIBU often just want to apportion blame; if they can spot a way in which OP is to blame, they feel their life is complete. OP has quite eloquently expressed why she feels disappointed - and your last resort is to go “well, you’re still to blame because you’re not doing anything about it.” So pathetic.

This just highlights the desperate need for more public toilets. Even one loo in every town centre would make a massive difference. I’m not incontinent but since having children I have to plan not to have anything to drink if I’m going anywhere without a loo! Women are disproportionately affected by the lack of public toilets so nobody in charge really cares

I think the reason why it rankles with me so much is that:

• using a clean toilet in private is an act of basic human dignity and everyone should be afforded dignity
• people who are disabled, young, elderly or pregnant will end up paying more, and that feels like a tax on our most vulnerable

I think I'd rather pay more money in tax so everyone could use a decent toilet than it was pay per pee, but I appreciate how that might not work.

I just want more toilets, damn it!

I suppose the issue stems from existing infrastructure and how buildings were designed. We're using/converting a lot of old buildings, and we're tight on space in this country.

I think you're extrapolating hugely

This exact same scenario could have (in fact I literally have seen it in my local paper) happened with a male customer, whether elderly, disabled, very young or just unwell.

Pregnant women are not the only people who might suddenly need the loo.

Absolutely is true 😊

I’ve read only the first few pages and not the entire thread but I don’t think that’s fair. Most people are pretty sympathetic/empathetic and rightly so.

To the extent there is any pile on it’s because OP seems unwilling to accept that there were good reasons for her being denied access to the toilets, and that it’s unreasonable of her to expect shop staff to risk their jobs over it.

Absolutely insane! can’t believe I’m seeing “wear a nappy”

what sort of society do people want?

I do have sympathy for you OP - and I suggested something that may help in future (a sheewee honestly!) as I have a condition that means I am often caught short and its not pregnancy! Thing is, this is a forum and people will give opinions. In particular, you posted on AIBU, which actually asks people whether you are being unreasonable or not. That means that people will say if they think you are, and as people are different will have different opinions. I dont think anyone has been downright rude, (which does happen and is awful) just different opinions. If you just wanted validation, then best not to ask for different opinions on AIBU. For what its worth, I think you are right, should have been human decency but you can see form the range of opinions that its not cut and dried. Particularly interesting hearing from people who have worked or work in shops and how difficult that can be. Take care and good luck on the birth of your child xx

Absolutely not true

We would in our store. Ladies and children if they were desperate. Men we tell them to use the pub over the road.

I’m happy to pay a couple of Euros to use a safe, clean, properly maintained lavatory.

I know not everyone is in the same position to be able to do that but I don’t think that one or two euros or pounds is too much to ask actually for good privately run facilities.

We definitely need to campaign for decent public facilities too though!

Successive governments, as with so many things, have opted out of taking responsibility for providing decent public services, and have left it up to the private sector to take care of things and sorry but we all know now that that strategy simply doesnt work! Just look at the polluted state of UK rivers and waterways!

Undiluted sympathy from me, OP. I'm totally with @Sixteenandfourteen789 's post. It is infuriating that supermarkets no longer have loos. I am sure they used to - for sure the ones that have little cafés on the side.

Very sorry you had to endure this. It is not right! I'm also sorry you seem to be getting such a hard time from some posters. I don't know where that comes from!

It's not special, it will be how they sent their insurance up

And I specifically said they definitely wouldn't let people back if it was direct to the drugs!

Unfortunately you have about as much right to use their toilet as you do as knocking at someone's house and asking to use their toilet. So I'm not sure what you want them to do. I've been pregnant lots and desperate for a pee on occasion but you can't expect businesses to let the general public have access to private areas. Some smaller businesses may use their discretion and let you but the bigger businesses will have stricter policies.

I think you're reading way too much into this. Most people have sympathy for the OP, but they can also see it from the point of view of the shop assistant who has to abide by the rules. But if you want to see it that way, the shop assistant was also a woman. Should we not also support her in not wanting to possibly lose her job? Would it have been OK if she had similarly refused use of the toilet to an unwell man for example?

Honestly, many responses are really shameful

I have to ask…if you didn’t even make it out of the coop then would you have even made it to the toilet?

Well done to you

Agree with the OP, it's a shame many people seem to have little or no sympathy. And it's quite often women who can't seem to support each other and just want to pull each other down. More than men, women enforce the patriarchy and are often far more responsible for the problems of other woman than men are

plan would help knowing all the local cafes,pubs, or choose shops with toilets that the public can use, thats how i usually aim for when out in town obviously for this situation it was different.

Use the Tenant Lady products when you have to go out if you say your pelvic floor is shot and you are heavily pregnant. That is better than being humiliated in a shop.

I don't think the Co-op did anything wrong. I am so sorry you had that experience though. I can see how it happened despite your best efforts to plan and why it felt so humiliating. I know it won't take any of the shame away, but remember, you are pregnant. There is a reason why it happened. Another woman in the same stage of pregnancy with a baby that moved would have likely had the same thing happen. It's just one of those awful things about being female. I know why you feel embarrassed and TBH, I would feel that way too, but that doesn't mean we should feel embarrassed! Your body is working hard to grow and keep a baby safe. If things like this happen from time to time, it's just part of the package.

I do think it's wrong that there are so few public toilets available. Everyone deserves the dignity of being able to go to the toilet when they need it. I also think certain businesses should always have a public toilet available - if it was a big enough supermarket rather than a corner shop, I think it should have had one.

However, having seen the state of some toilets, I do sympathise with people who don't want to give access to all and sundry... I don't understand why so much of the general population thinks it's OK to leave toilets in such a grim state when they are well enough to clean up after themselves.

I don't know what the solution is.

There are plenty of public toilets in Europe, but you have to pay for them (which I resent).

I've never been to Japan, but I hear from friends that their toilets are always clean, and plentiful. I wish we had that. How can we build more toilets, open up more toilets, and convince people to not abuse them so we can continue to have nice things?

Was it just mums with kids you'd let in though? What about elderly men or women? Pregnant women with no children? The young bloke who says he's desperate or has a medical issue?
This is what no one really answers on this thread. If you make exceptions for some why not all? Who's to say who really can't wait and who can? You cannot tell. If a small but very busy shop opens its one staff toilet to everyone then at least one member of staff would be escorting people back and forth all day. Because let's face it, if there really isn't any other toilets nearby, and people know your shop let's people use the loo, everyone will start using it as the local loo whether they are customers that day or not.