Neighbour issues

I would second the idea of getting a ring doorbell cam or standalone camera covering the front of your house, and possibly get one covering the back too.

The (multiple, presumably) letters to his workplace are bordering on harassment. Whether you want to involve the council / local community PCSO is up to you, but I’d only go that route if she escalates.

Otherwise ignore her; no more favours and stay icily polite if you bump into her.

I’d have DH reply to his work and say that there’s an ongoing one-way issue from the neighbour who seems a bit overinvested in your family and while he’s happy to take guidance from work re the vehicles there is context they should be aware of.

And then just live your lives. I would stop lending anything or otherwise having anything to do with them.

I have a crackers neighbour. I smile and wave.

Contacting your husbands employer made this a police matter, they should be your first port of call.

Personally I would speak to them.

Explain your disappointment that they've approached an employer when you are legally parked and not yourself.

Explain you have done nothing wrong. Everyone has a right to park on a public highway.

Explain if it continues you will seek legal advice for harassment.

I was told by the police that for communication to qualify as harassment you need to have told the person that you do not want any further letters etc from them.
The most the police would be doing in your situation would be an offer to refer to a free community mediation service.
I would suggest one polite letter to your neighbour stating your position and replying to her complaints.
Then if this does not resolve matters either ignore if you can or try mediation.

Your update makes it sound like it's mostly the son complaining to your DH work. If he lives on and off with his DM in his 30s and is involving himself in the kind of petty issues that only appeal to those with too much time on their hands, I'd guess he is inadequate in some way.

Doubt you can reason with him, having met men like this, their world view is so skewed that you can't accommodate their views. It wouldn't at all surprise me if the underlying issue he has is something about having a works van in the street at all, even if parked on your drive.

Edited for typos

I tried to speak to batshit neighbour... She accused me of not even living in the street despite us being there 8 years! Then suggested I trek 4 x dc across the green and park on the main road.... As if...
She took pics of us from UNDER A TABLE on her phone when I parked up.. . I told her if she continued to photograph my dc I was ringing the police...

@Amumof287 I wonder if it is the son who complains and his Mother is ok with things. That would explain why she is friendly enough? How did you find out this had all been going on?

Sorry but no. This clearly isn’t going to work on an unreasonable person.

Clearly nuts or MH issues as one more compassionate poster suggested. Zero contact. You can't reason with people who are nuts.

Whatever you do don't contact them, but do talk to the police as soon as you can.

I would go round there today and say ‘Hi Elaine, have you got time for a chat? Can I come in? And I would have a really frank chat. I would say ‘Chris is getting in trouble at work because you keep emailing his bosses about us? Are we really such awful neighbours? What’s your main issue and we’ll fix it today. I don’t want to upset you. Is it the van? His bosses have no concern as to where he parks his van, the emails are just irritating them. The road is huge, we always park considerately. I apologise again for Jack’s football, but we’ve sorted that. I don’t want to fall out Elaine, you are a great neighbour, but if you have a problem, SPEAK to me, stop the silly emails and letters.

Be assertive but polite. She sounds like a pain the ass, busybody, if you go round and chat one on one she’ll probably shit herself.

Agreed.

That last post indicates they're batshit

They're saying you should get the train instead of having a car ?

Yet they have a car.....

Never speak to them again. I doubt very much the other neighbours think this.

Get a solicitor to send them a letter saying stop harassing us.

And just ignore them forever.

This is worth a conversation with the police for advice as this would constitute harassment. However please note that when you come to sell your house you would have to declare this issue.

Maybe it's the son complaining and the mother isn't aware?

@Amumof287
If it was just the usual moans & grumblings of an elderly neighbour then I would say the best way forward is to just ignore it as best you can but this is different.
This person has taken photos and repeatedly contacted your husband's employer - this is harassment. This type can not be reasoned with in person or by letter from yourself so really your only option is to get a solicitor to write a cease & desist letter to her.
What does your husband's employer think about these unsolicited communications? It would be wise to obtain copies and take them to the solicitor if you choose to go and consult one. Most employers think things like this are a joke but these are, presumably, very determined efforts to get your husband into trouble and they can cause damage to a persons working reputation.

I would also think that you're not the only neighbour she's harassed and that most are very aware of her issues - they just want to keep off of her radar and say nothing to draw her attention.

Don't replace her fence if not already done so.

Your husband's work van allowed to be parked on a residential street?

Get your own back, ignore her, don't lend her anything, complain to the council about her piano noise, let HMRC know maybe she's not declaring her income.

It sounds like she could well have MH issues. People who write letters of complaint do not then pop round to borrow something or have garden chats and exchange Christmas cards.

Some councils do have local regulations about parking commercial vehicles in residential areas, especially overnight, so it would be worth checking your council’s take on this. The likelihood is that there are no reasons why you should not park there, as long as it is safe etc. it may help your neighbours to accept that you can park there, if they are mistakenly thinking that you are in the wrong.

I also think it's worth talking to the local police about potential harassment. Keep all communications she's sent to your husband's work. A strongly worded solicitor's letter might be needed.
I would avoid parking work vehicles outside of her house and not park in the turning circle ever (even if others do it, it's legitimately annoying) because that drags your DH's employer into things, but if it's legal to park in the road, then I'd be parked outside her house every day, with a security camera on my car!
I'm a stroppy cow and I'd be inclined to buy a shed of a car, tax and insure it and then leave it parked permanently outside her house and deny it was mine.

Also probably get a doorbell camera, always a good idea if you have a mad neighbor!

They're obviously highly conflict avoidant and passive aggressive since they're doing all of this via letters and not speaking to you face to face. I would suggest going over there very calmly and having a conversation with them explaining that they need to raise issues with you in person like grown ups and in future you will not be responding to any mystery letters dropped through your letter box etc. If they're as conflict avoidant as they sound the idea of having to actually talk to you about this stuff is probably their worst nightmare so the best way to put them off may be insisting on speaking to them directly about things, every time.