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Original poster

Things DP said to me while on holiday

641 replies

noodlewoo · 08/10/2024 07:01

Commented on what I was wearing to the airport. He said “you could have made more of an effort. “look at all these girls wearing trendy clothes. You need to start wearing clothes like that” I mean we literally had just got to the airport to go on holiday. Not a great start

Then when we got there he continued to point out what other women were wearing. “I like those gym leggings and sets” Don’t you wish you could wear stuff like that”

Continued to remind me that when we get home I need to get back on my diet. Maybe this is where I’m being sensitive because he said “for your sake not mine”

Then he asked if he thought people would put us together. Wasn’t sure what he meant so I asked him. He said well do you think people would think either of us were punching.

I sometimes have trouble with my back where it “goes” We were on a boat trip and when it was time to get off and stand up I said ouch and told him my back had a little twinge. He said “don’t start”

Then on the morning we were due to go home I came on my period and said I was “angin” for people who don’t know what that means it basically means disgusting

I’ve come home feeling a bit shitty and unloved but I’m not sure if I’m being over sensitive. Seems like he possibly doesn’t find me attractive which if that’s the case then fair enough but how would this make others feel?

OP posts:
SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 09/10/2024 19:43

What a horrible man. Maybe he has nicer moments, but surely this outweighs them?

Acaley1 · 09/10/2024 19:37

What a tiny non functioning nob!
I would start recording these exchanges incase you need them annd to get more opinions if you want them and start the process of separation.
I know that’s easier said than done given your DCs but do you want them seeing someone who should support you treating you like that. I’d use them as drivers to kick him out as this models what they will come to think they deserve too.

My money’s on him panicking when he realises you have other options and that you don’t actually need him or his shitty coercive behaviour.
you and yours deserve better 😘
(also I’d buy him a set of those crap outfits and suggest he wedge himself while he finds somewhere else to live.)

Penguinmouse · 09/10/2024 19:36

What a massive bellend. You can lose some weight by immediately by dumping him.

Sydneyoz · 09/10/2024 19:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

theonlygirl · 09/10/2024 19:29

I read your post and hastily scrolled back to the title and was very relieved to see DP and not DH, which hopefully means you can kick his ass to the curb. The fact you ask if you're being oversensitive shows how much this has already diminished your confidence. If you want to try and solve it, next time he says something like that give him both barrels, tell him to shut his face or pack his bags. Stand up for yourself. 💐

Runnerinthenight · 09/10/2024 19:27

HE needs "punching".

You need rid.

Toptops · 09/10/2024 19:26

What a nasty piece of work.
You might want to talk to women's aid, or a local charity specialising in supporting abused women.
He's clearly already undermined your confidence, you need help to see this obnoxious thing out of your life.

toxic44 · 09/10/2024 19:25

Time to move on from this creep. It won't be any easier to do it in six months' time; in fact it will be harder because you'll have had six months more of his abuse. Get rid now for your own wellbeing.

TeaGinandFags · 09/10/2024 19:24

Make an appointment with Citizens Advice and find out what benefits you can get and how to live on them.

Once that is fitted speak with the Council and explain the situation and get him off the rent book.

Then, kick him arse to the kerb. No woman deserves to be in an abusive relationship.

valentinka31 · 09/10/2024 19:24

noodlewoo · 08/10/2024 07:01

Commented on what I was wearing to the airport. He said “you could have made more of an effort. “look at all these girls wearing trendy clothes. You need to start wearing clothes like that” I mean we literally had just got to the airport to go on holiday. Not a great start

Then when we got there he continued to point out what other women were wearing. “I like those gym leggings and sets” Don’t you wish you could wear stuff like that”

Continued to remind me that when we get home I need to get back on my diet. Maybe this is where I’m being sensitive because he said “for your sake not mine”

Then he asked if he thought people would put us together. Wasn’t sure what he meant so I asked him. He said well do you think people would think either of us were punching.

I sometimes have trouble with my back where it “goes” We were on a boat trip and when it was time to get off and stand up I said ouch and told him my back had a little twinge. He said “don’t start”

Then on the morning we were due to go home I came on my period and said I was “angin” for people who don’t know what that means it basically means disgusting

I’ve come home feeling a bit shitty and unloved but I’m not sure if I’m being over sensitive. Seems like he possibly doesn’t find me attractive which if that’s the case then fair enough but how would this make others feel?

oohhhhh no.

no.

It's not easy but you need to be without him. His negativity will be super damaging for you. Is right now.

He was very mean and I'm afraid he doesn't sound like he is there with you.

I really hope you can just remove yourself from the firing line and find a sweet lovely guy who loves and supports you just how you are

cherish123 · 09/10/2024 19:23

I'd dump him/her.

laraitopbanana · 09/10/2024 19:22

Hi op,

That is really not on. You clearly are hurt and he should have seen it. Comparisons are unnecessary and mean. Maybe tell him to shut his mouth or find his heart 🤷🏼‍♀️ ??

Physical comments are, especially in a relationship, to be positive. If you want to make a joke and the other one is not laughing…then you are just making fun of someone. I don’t even think he was trying to be funny though tbh.

I am beautiful. Repeat after me. I am beautiful. And repeat again. Next time he says something you tell him that: « I am beautiful. » then go and leave him puzzled or annoyed or both.

From all of us 💪🏼 🌺

BlueFlowers5 · 09/10/2024 19:22

Sorry OP but he's undermining you on purpose.

CornishIrish · 09/10/2024 19:18

noodlewoo · 08/10/2024 07:01

Commented on what I was wearing to the airport. He said “you could have made more of an effort. “look at all these girls wearing trendy clothes. You need to start wearing clothes like that” I mean we literally had just got to the airport to go on holiday. Not a great start

Then when we got there he continued to point out what other women were wearing. “I like those gym leggings and sets” Don’t you wish you could wear stuff like that”

Continued to remind me that when we get home I need to get back on my diet. Maybe this is where I’m being sensitive because he said “for your sake not mine”

Then he asked if he thought people would put us together. Wasn’t sure what he meant so I asked him. He said well do you think people would think either of us were punching.

I sometimes have trouble with my back where it “goes” We were on a boat trip and when it was time to get off and stand up I said ouch and told him my back had a little twinge. He said “don’t start”

Then on the morning we were due to go home I came on my period and said I was “angin” for people who don’t know what that means it basically means disgusting

I’ve come home feeling a bit shitty and unloved but I’m not sure if I’m being over sensitive. Seems like he possibly doesn’t find me attractive which if that’s the case then fair enough but how would this make others feel?

Oh my god. Love, no. This isn’t being sensitive this is being verbally abusive.

Please, please, please just get yourself sorted out and ditch him now.

Poor you. What a disgusting pig.

Rosscameasdoody · 09/10/2024 19:18

Why are you still with this twat OP ?

CatLady22222 · 09/10/2024 19:16

He's a dickhead! Dump his sorry arse. He'll continue to make you feel like rubbish and you don't deserve that.

Lostincyberspace · 09/10/2024 19:13

I had an ex that would comment on my lack of make up, and never 'made an effort like mate's gf's" Also if I got any bigger he wouldn't be interested. ( I was a size 12) It doesn't get better -it eroded my self esteem. I was with him for 4 years luckily no DCs with him.
He was a skinny large nosed meerkat lookalike who wore 3/4 shorts and a grubby t shirt....Make plans to leave him.OP you deserve so much better.

Calliopespa · 09/10/2024 19:12

noodlewoo · 08/10/2024 09:00

I know you’re all right but it’s just hard to believe because I know if I have a talk with him and tell him how horrible he’s been and how he’s made me feel, he’ll tell me I’m wrong, that he’s said these things for me, he didn’t mean them in a bad way etc. That’s the fustrating thing because I know who’s right in this situation but he will switch things round on to me. I’m going to speak to him tonight and be forceful and make my feelings clear

So don’t talk to him. Get ready to go and put it all in a letter you leave behind.

Honestly op I am quite forgiving of partners on here ( in comparison to some MNers) as we all make mistakes. But these aren’t t mistakes: he’s telling you how very little he thinks of you in a dozen different ways - and it really isn’t all that subtle.

Im sorry btw. That’s a harsh message but I do think you need to hear it.

The bit where he was ogling other women in leggings and saying it would be good if you could dress like that gave me this bilious sensation and made me think my soup I had for supper was off because I felt so queasy. But no, DH and and Dc are fine. It was his comments made me literally sick.

JAT49 · 09/10/2024 19:10

Out of curiosity is he some fucking Greek god or thinks he is. What a horrible barstard

Jessie1259 · 09/10/2024 19:09

OP he's laughing at how you look when you get changed and insinuating that you're punching above your weight by being with him - how are you not seeing that?
He's then gas lighting you into believing he's doing it out of the kindness of his lovely little heart.
He's a twat OP, life shouldn't be like this. What was your childhood like to make you think any of this is ok? You self esteem must be on the floor.

Also anyone criticising you for being a SAHM when you have a young child with high needs is also a twat.

fiorentina · 09/10/2024 19:06

Dump him. And if you want to, for your own benefit not his, give yourself a glow up. He sounds like he’s had a very negative effect on your self esteem.

Calliopespa · 09/10/2024 19:05

You felt “a bit shitty and unloved?”

I don’t doubt it.

That guy is cruel, insulting and nasty. 👺

Please OP gather your belongings and your self respect and run. Fast and far.

I’m not even going to dissect all the things his treatment of you amounts to because he simply isn’t worth the time or discussion. Just bin him.

user5883920 · 09/10/2024 19:04

Urgh, I had an ex that used to do this. He's an ex for that reason. The most satisfying thing is, I glowed myself up afterwards because he was dragging my self esteem down and years later he now looks like a balding mr potato head, the woman he married after he left me left him almost the second the ink was dry on the marriage certificate and he's been single ever since.

I'm now happily married to a man who resembles a Greek God and is also a wonderful person.

You really dont have to put up with his garbage. There is so much better out there waiting for you x

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 09/10/2024 19:02

Your husband is a dickhead.

pollymere · 09/10/2024 19:02

This is the bit where you draw yourself up to your full height and realise "beach ready" is a state of mind and not something on a diet sheet.

So ... Is he the perfect Adonis then?! 🤣

Or a father of two kids in his late twenties?

And who the flump wants to wear Gym gear at the airport unless it has an actual gym? Comfy clothes and sensible shoes are needed for flying.

I think you need to learn to laugh in his face when he gets like this and be proud you're not like the women he keeps pointing out.

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