Things DP said to me while on holiday

I had years of this kind of thing, OP. Your DP is being a prick. It's rude. Doesn't matter if there's a grain of truth in it or not (there was with mine - I was fatter than the people he was comparing me with), it's still fucking rude.

If I ever reacted, it was "do something about it, then!"/all for my own good/only because he loved me and wanted me to be the best version of myself I could. Endless comparisons with other women we knew about weight/style/clothes, but mainly weight. He's always been shallow and appearance obsessed, still is, anything "wrong" with me or our dds he took as a personal insult to him.

Eventually he started showing guys (incl young men who worked for us) photos of me when I was younger, thinner and gorgeous, frequently in front of me and literally telling them "see, she USED to be beautiful". He was always careful to be complimentary about how I looked back then, and was so sneaky with the wording he used so it made it seem unreasonable for me to feel upset but it was so humiliating. The guys he did this to were always mortified for me.

I left him eventually and my now dh thinks I'm beautiful whether fat or thin. But SO many comments from ex still ring in my ears.

He is being a twat and your dc will be learning huge amounts from him about how to treat women/be treated by men. His judgemental attitude to others will trickle through to them and affect their self esteem too. Please get some counselling to raise your own self esteem and ask yourself some hard questions about whether this man is really what you want. X

Omg please dump him.

Omg please dump him.

Sounds like he's demonizing you so that if/ when he finally dumps you he won't feel so bad about it (because -you know- you didnt make enough of an effort and you whinged about your back too much). You probably already know what you need to do.

ABSOLUTELY THIS!!!

Every single comment he made was designed to make you feel "less than", but the comment about your period is truly shocking. He's criticising you for having to deal with something entirely natural that every adolescent girl and woman of child-bearing age experiences. WTAF does he expect you to do when he calls you the equivalent of "disgusting" at that time of the month? I don't think a man could barely be any more misogynistic than this. HE'S disgusting and you deserve better.

What a complete knob. The things he said were very offensive and showed no respect. You should either tell hime to fix it or Foxtrot Oscar. I hope you are ok now.

He’s a grade A a**hole. Get rid.

He’s a grade A a**hole. Get rid.

I really hope you take the overwhelming advice to get rid. He is an abuser. Not physical, no. But mental abuse is still abuse.

What a d☆☆k

I would bet that this loser puts you down because he needs to bolster his own ego. He would do this to any woman who would put up with it. I hope you dump him.

Hm... what would happen if you said to him, "I like what that [young, fit] man over there is wearing. Why don't you work on trying to look like that? [tinkly little laugh]". If he strops about it, say, "I'm saying it FOR you, not being nasty at all", with an enigmatic smile...
Psychological warfare can be a two-way street.
Alternatively, just dump the fucker and move on.

If he speaks to you like that he is modelling his attitude to your son

He is NOT a good dad

You deserve so much better than this. We all do. Xx

I wouldn’t waste my breath explaining how he has made you feel as he will love that. Just fuck him off big time and asap

There is no way this man is a good dad. A good father would respect their children's mother. We usually set the bar too low for whats is considered a good father. Being a good example is essential. Would you be happy for your children learn to behave towards you from him or accept his behaviour as the way to treat a partner? Children observe and learn from the parents behavior . They will register everything. They will notice him misstreating you.
I would leave for their sake if not yours.
Joining the chorus of LTB

Look up gaslighting. I agree this is what he’s doing and tell him your feelings are valid. If he won’t change then you must change, either lose you identity and self esteem and become a doormat or leave him and control your own destiny and self worth

right. he'd probably laugh, say you look ridiculous, like you're trying too hard, or that you're mutton dressed as lamb.
because the point isn't that he wants her to make more of an effort with her looks. it's that he wants her to feel bad about them

So essentially, he's rude, insensitive and gaslights you.
What's the point of him?

You'd be a lot happier without this negativity.

right. my husband slathers my back with deep heat roll on any time I ask, and scratches any itches I can't reach. complaining that you are being unreasonable to even mention you are in pain is a massive red flag on top of all the others.

@noodlewoo 2 things

1. You are NOT being over sensitive, he is actively trying to make you feel bad.
2. Not read your other thread, but I was a SAHM for 10 years, due to our circumstances. Once circumstances changed I went to work PTfor 6 months then FT.

OP, ditch him. Seriously you need to keep your charitable inclinations to Oxfam and not give this tosser one more moment of your life. He is miserable and controlling and you deserve much, much better. Get some legal advice and go and get the life that you want - there are lovely people out there, surround yourself with them. Cut Mr Tosspot loose and be prepared for some whining and backpedalling when he realises what he has lost.

This man sounds truly vile.

That doesn't give him a free license to be abusive to OP. He should discuss things like an adult not like a bully belittling his partner and mother of his DC.

Excellent point. 👏