Things DP said to me while on holiday

It's not even 9am and this is the third thread I've read today about a 'partner' who is actually a toxic bellend.

Society has done quite the number on Women, convincing us that being shackled to any old arsehole is better than being single.

OP, you don't need to spend the rest of your live with someone who displays absolute disdain for you, and you certainly don't need your children to have this as an example of how healthy and loving relationships look. You all deserve better.

I haven't seen your other thread but he sounds like an absolute prick.
He's 29, you had children young and now he thinks the grass will be lusciously green on the other side, hence commenting on other women and your appearance etc.
I know it's easy to say but I'd leave him now before he inevitably cheats on you (if he hasn't already).

He's an absolute dickhead.

I can tell you for 100% certainty that one of you is punching and it isn't you! You deserve better!

Yes but maybe tape it shut and wheel it off somewhere remote too?

If my husband ever even dared talk to me like that (not that he would) his ball bag would be hung on my mantelpiece. This is such a crappy way to talk to people, not everyone wants to wear gym sets, he's just a pervert with a type.

Bloody hell love. You're only 29. Are you sure you want a lifetime of this? And to have your kids witness it? No-one needs someone else's negative talk in their ear. And I bet he's no Adonis either. 🙄(even if he was, if he truly loved you, he wouldn't be saying horrible things anyway!)

No doubt, he'll have some revolting habits, a beer belly, no muscle tone, smelly breath, dodgy items of clothes etc but you 'put up' with those because you love him.

But are you really sure you want to tolerate this and also have your kids brought up in this environment that it's ok for Daddy to say shit to Mummy? nah. Do you have people IRL you can turn to for help?

The only weight you need to lose is him! You deserve 1000% better.

He is displaying contempt for you.
It’s his problem however you can be in charge of the solution.

I get back aches and it’s hard to imagine my partner being so dismissive and insensitive about them. Your partner should be caring for you not making you feel worse.

Essentially, he thinks you've put on some weight and have 'let yourself go'. Instead of talking to you in a sensitive way, where he could have come across as a husband helping the woman he loves - he's come across as a complete asshole. How old are you? Not being funny, I'm 50 next month but I wouldn't feel comfortable wearing tight leggings and cropped tops! It's clothing aimed at a much younger audience, than me! Comparing you to other women, making you believe he's better than you and you should be grateful he's with you attitude is appalling. I would be having stern words with him and making him aware that he's an insensitive dick.

get him in the sea. life is too short to put up with that bs!

No one needs this. He's already doing a number on you if you're wondering if you're being over sensitive.
Not at all.
There's no love or respect here.

I would urge you to start getting financially independent as soon as you can (I really mean now) because this unpleasant git is clearly on his way, already looking and questioning your relationship.
Also, it is an incredibly poor role model for the DC.

I have to invoke the Mumsnet ducks in a row protocol.
I think you'll be glad you did.

Time for a big relationship talk I think.

I would deal with this head on, directly but v calmly.

Find a time to be out without the kids, maybe walking. Say you want to ask how he is feeling about life and your relationship, tell him how the things he said on holiday made you feel.

He’s about to be 30, lots of us panic about milestone birthdays and aging, and it may be that he feels he spent the last decade of his youth in child rearing etc. (melodramatic but that’s how these birthdays get people).

I’m not excusing him, not at all, but if he is feeling restless and frustrated by humdrum family life then he needs to talk to you about what the two of you can do together to focus on yourselves, your adult lives and your relationship. Not just take it out on you.

Today is a great day to dump him.

Another one who thinks this is the beginning is of "the script".

OP have you got the opportunity to retrain? I'd be looking at getting employment as soon as you can so that you can support you and the DC.

OP, he is going to leave you. It's obvious he doesn't like you very much (not to excuse his shitty behaviour, scumbag!) so you need to get your life in order to live without him.

Start getting some savings together, look for a decent job ASAP, get paperwork in order, check what the childcare provision is like in your area, make sure your housing is secure.

You are in a very precarious position right now, LISTEN to what he is saying and read between those lines. You shouldn't be with him anyway, he's an arse.

Obviously he's rude, disrespectful and insulting but it's more than that.

He's acting like a consumer choosing wares in a shop. Dress you in this or that, compare this or that model.

Does he have any conception of his own humanity? Seriously, we're made of flesh and blood and our existence on earth is a thing of wonder and possibility, you're spending your finite time alive with this grotesque manslug?

Leave him. Next time pick someone grown up with a soul.

Apart from the rest of it, which is also awful, telling you that you're hanging for being on your period is a MASSIVE red flag for misogyny.

Start planning your exit from this relationship is my advice because it's not going to get any better and you're still so so young 💐

Sounds to me as if he is setting up a narrative to give him an excuse to start an affair/leave.

Sorry lovely he sounds like a total prick.

Know your worth

You must find the courage to leave the table if respect is no longer being served.

This. I think there's another woman on the scene also. You are young OP and deserve better, don't waste any more of your life.

This

Is that because that's what he tells you if you say he's out of order?

What an immature prick! The women he was ogling have periods as well! He's a mysoginist. Please dump him ASAP.

Your relationship with him is shaping the way in which your kids conduct all their future relationships.

You have to stop that.