Things DP said to me while on holiday

Doesn’t matter what he twists. You know yourself he’s being nasty. You don’t need him to agree with you, for you to be right.

sounds as if he’s either trying to make you break up with him (so that he is not the bad guy), or wanting to take away your confidence so that he can feel alpha and have you asking “how high” every time he wants you to jump.

what nice things does he do to make you feel he loves being with you?

What first attracted you to this wonderful gentleman?

No matter how much he veils this as “joking” or “you being too sensitive” (or however else he minimises this), DP is telling you that he:

• thinks he is too good for you / you’re punching above your weight
• wants you to lose weight
• doesn’t like how you dress
• doesn’t think you’d still be together if you hadn’t had a baby at 21

First response nails it.
You're with a nasty little negger of a man. Such a shame when previously nice and decent partners start belittling and undermining their partners.
Be prepared for it not to get better. If he continues after you have spelled it out to him, then get yourself organised and break up.

I am sorry he ruined your holiday.I think you should now have a holiday for the rest of your life. From him! Honestly he sounds rude and disgusting .WTF! Making comments about other women.your back pain and ,saying that a period is disgusting!Just bin!

Apologies I’ve not read the full thread but the first response is so spot on.
He sounds so awful op, without even knowing you, I can tell you with confidence that you deserve better.

Get rid of this loon.
He is trying to drag you down, destroy your self esteem and then make you feel greatful that you are with him.

You need to reverse this, get shut of him, remind yourself that you are fabulous and be grateful you aren't with a loser.
It will do your confidence a world of good!

have you put on a few pounds? If so, I am not surprised. I would have do some serious comfort eating to be able to put up with what you have been enduring for however long.

I am so sorry that you are with someone who treats you like this. I don't know what to say as telling you to LTB sounds too easy because it sounds as though he has a bit of a hold over you. It also sounds as though your self esteem has taken a proper pounding. I hope others on here have more advice for you, but I offer support and a hug.

I suppose your DH is Chris Hemsworth lookalike with muscles to match or at least a billionaire so that he can outsourse all of your chores, get you a new wardrobe & provide you with a nice life in return for you looking pretty?
no? Didn’t think so… you can change the way you look if you want to but really there are better ways to encourage your partner to take up healthier lifestyle.

First reply nails it.

Why are you with him? He's an arsehole who clearly gets off on putting you down.

Believe me it won't get better, I know from experience. Quite honestly I would leave now whilst you're young. Don't be me and leave it until you are nearly 50 - not that there's anything wrong with that, but if I had been honest with myself and hadn't kept thinking of sunken costs, I could have left at least a decade earlier. In fact, I could have left before having children while I was still in my 20s.

My ex used to say things like - it must be difficult for you, being fat and being married to someone who isn't, people must think it's so odd. Like he was doing me a huge favour being with me (no mention of me being the main earner or driving him around for a year when he lost his licence for drink driving - or other similar stuff).

Whatever you do it will never be enough and it will affect your children. Mine have not had any long-term relationships and are now in their late 30s, so although I thought I was protecting them by staying, in fact I was doing the opposite.

Why are you still with this twat?

I'm really sorry OP, but this set my spidey senses tingling.
This is the first line of "the script" and he's potentially comparing you to someone who may become the OW (if she hasn't already).

Please don't be passive about this. He is beating your confidence down, making you feel "less" and he had no right to say the things he's saying.

Flat out ask him why he is being this way, but be prepared for a showdown.

You tell him how you feel
He tells you you're wrong and should be grateful.

See the problem?

Op he's never going to change. You might as well talk to a wall. There's nothing wrong with you. He'll be like this as long as you accept it, until he can find some other sucker.

Or you can choose to respect yourself and get rid of him.

What outcome do you want from your conversation tonight?

I don't need to ask about his appearance because with a personality like his he is ugly through and through. She saddest part of this post and many like it is that your self esteem is so low you have to check your not being too sensitive when he is clearly vile. You deserve better

Normally you feel better after a holiday but his behaviour has made you feel worse.
He sounds /is awful

Wow OP, that must have been an exhausting holiday for you, what with beating off those stunning twenty year old lingerie models who wanted nothing more than to drape themselves over your husband during the day , and then in the evening making sure the impressively bosomed thirty and forty year old self made millionaires weren’t slipping mickey Finns into his evening cocktails so they could ravish him in their penthouse suites.

It must be so tough being married to a sex god, tell him for the sake of all our exploding ovaries that he needs to start wearing a paper bag over his head in public - that is if he can find a paper bag big enough to cover his head and his ego.

He sounds like a very insecure and spiteful man btw, not attractive at all. I think you could do a lot better.

How would you feel if 10 years down the line one of your children came to you and told you that thier partner said these (or similar things) to them ......

I'm pretty sure you would tell them not to put up with it and leave

Please get rid of this vile man

I think this is more about him than you. I think he’s realising the losses associated with his choice to settle down and to have kids. I also think he’s hitting some kind of “quarter life” crisis, realising that already the beautiful young women of 20, wearing matching leisure wear, are out of his reach.

I think it’s ok to have these thoughts, but to verbalise them, let alone to turn them in to an attack on you is beyond the pale. He sounds very immature and lacking in self awareness.

Life is too short for this nonsense. It’s not you it’s him.

Op he's undermining your confidence, it's very toxic.
Read something about narcissistic people, gaslighting and silent treatment.