Things DP said to me while on holiday

He's a nasty, mean, contemptible, disrespectful, cruel, gaslighting SOB

You are not over sensitive, you are seeing him for what he truly is

Get your ducks in a row to leave. What's your housing situation - own/rent, whose name?

He sounds absolutely awful. He not only didn’t find you attractive, he actively dislikes you.

Why are you still with him?

Oh and I just saw he’s grossed out by periods - is he 12? 😁he does know how adult women’s bodies work, right?

What a twat.

I presume this prince of a man has the physique of Chris Hemsworth, the charm and charisma of a young Harrison Ford, and the smouldering good looks of Idris Elba? Thought not 🙄

If he doesn’t find you attractive, he’s free to move on and find someone else (if anyone is willing to put up with him) - and leave you free to find someone who will adore you exactly as you are. He does NOT have the right to bully you, chip away at your self confidence, and treat you like shit.

Trust me, there are plenty of men out there who would appreciate you, tell you you’re beautiful every single day, and lift you up. I left a marriage with a man like yours and found a man who does exactly
this for me, and treats me with respect and admiration. I’ve never regretted leaving my ex for a second, and being single before I met now-DP was a joy. I also showed DC that I deserved respect, happiness, and kindness, and that they should never settle for less in their own relationships.

You deserve so much better, and it’s out there waiting for you - you just need to be brave.

I’d also have a think about what conditions you are going to lay down to him about the way he talks to you as well as how it makes you feel. I’d make it very clear what responsibility he will have to take, both financially and practically, for the children if you decide to leave. He doesn’t get to undermine you in order to push you to go without doing his share of care for the children, if that is what he is doing. I see you have one with additional needs and bet you do most of the heavy lifting there. If he seriously wants the relationship to work he needs to make some changes now. You need to make clear you won’t tolerate his comments any longer, whether ‘for your own good’ or not. You could also point out that he isn’t perfect either.

Read "why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft.

If you're punching above your weight that means you're going out with someone who is higher status (probably meaning more attractive) than you

I'm so glad he's a DP and not a DH. Bin him. Take care of yourself.

Get him to buy you a new wardrobe and a glow up “to prove you”re making an effort’” then find someone nicer.

Pressed post too soon......after helping me in the loo, he kissed me and told me I was beautiful. And trust me, I looked absolutely shite!

Dump him now. Find someone who always thinks you look beautiful and who thinks they're lucky to have you in their life.

If he is cheating that's almost the least of her worries- women put up with so much and often only leave when the men cheat. Eveything op wrote is more than enough to leave already.

They don't stay in the bin when you have kids with them they crawl out and use the kids to throw rubbish at you!
Seek advice including legal advice before you leave him op

He sounds terrible!

No need for those types of comments.

Do something to make yourself feel good - go shopping, get hair done, pamper, nice soak in the bath, listen to some ace music, whatever it takes.

read all of this again to lift your spirits and then speak to him and let him know that to continue this relationship this bullying has to stop.

lots of supports required I think. Confide in a friend and also…big hugs!! x

He is a horrible horrible horrible person.

Its verbal abuse he is literally putting you down and making you feel less than. Making you feel worthless.

This is a red flag and you need to run x

Also I hope you are ok, you can wear what you want and be who you want. You deserve love and someone that worships you not a turd wipe like this waste of space

They don’t start off like this… duh!

He is an utter twat. Rude, ignorant, insensitive and with all the emotional maturity of a spiteful 11 year old. He actually thinks periods are 'disgusting' WTAF? After having our DD, DH had to help me in the loo and change my pad

He can't control your feelings. They are what they are.

And you need to emphasise that he is hurting you - and if he doesn't stop you'll go.

And turn it on him. See how he likes it

If that is genuinely true-not an angle for sympathy-then he has already done a number on you.

Of course, by having two children to him without any legal protection makes the situation more difficult. If you had no ties to him, you would have been able to pack a suitcase, close the front door behind you and jump on train going anywhere.

Do you have any rights to the home you are living in? Are you on a tenancy or is your name on a mortgage or deeds? If so, then you are in a better position-investigate how it can be used to your advantage.

I'm afraid that the time for getting paid work is right now, no matter how many twinges you have in your back. At least one of your children is in school so, at most, that leaves only one for you to find childcare for while you work and get enough money to leave.

Find a job by the end of the month-any job-shifting shite by night if needs be.

He is going to leave you. Prepare and make sure that when that day comes, you have money in the bank and can happily put up the bunting instead of sitting in a corner, frightened that you don't know how to put food on the table.

Don't be a mard arse. Take some control. Get a job otherwise, at some point, you will be begging this turd for money for food-money that he will -at best-resent giving you when he is living his new life and may very well end up giving you nothing at all.

Come on OP- get it together!

In future just completely ignore comments or laughing - he wants you to notice and be upset, don't be. And for pity's sake start arranging so you can leave him.
Mine drew a cruel caricature of me on the drywipe board in the kitchen - that everyone could see, including our tween sons, (until I erased it - didn't see it for a while). It was a naked fat woman and he had labelled bits of the body with "wobble". He said he thought it was funny, but he didn't say that he also knew it was nasty and disrespectful.

Op he's abusive. I'm sorry - you're so used to this now that it's the norm to you. My ex of only two years treated me the same when I had back pains while carrying his child and always told me I was too sensitive which meant he could say and do as he pleased without me being allowed to challenge him.
He doesn't care about you.
Please give up the notion that if you just communicate better that he will understand and change. He knows what he's doing and he has no intention of caring about you or changing. He is selfish.
Read two books - why does he do that? By Lundy something, and 'how to annihilate a narcissist in the family court.'
Then make a plan to leave him but don't tell him until it's sorted.
You could call women's aid as this is emotional abuse - perhaps you could get to stay in the home while he has to leave.

He is a poor specimen and treats you appallingly. You have started this thread because you KNOW what you need to do. You need to leave this horrible clown. Think of a happier future without him in it. You can do this. Gird your loins. 💐

It makes me so sad that people post this awful, awful stuff and then say "am I being sensitive" or "is this normal"
NO! This is not normal! It's not normal to go through life feeling shit and being criticised. The only people you should have in this short life are people who add positives not negatives.

He has contempt for you.

It's over. Don't waste your time trying to talk him round, he may well already have someone in mind and he is comparing you to her. Wouldn't surprise me.

He is absolutely out of fucking order. Tell him so, every time. Or turn it around, point out his not so attractive attributes.
But either way, it's done. I'm so sorry.

This man is abusing you - it’s emotional abuse, gaslighting and those are his tactics of coercive control. He’s attacking your self esteem and sense of self worth so that he can continue to abuse you or escalate how he treats you and you will feel like you deserve it.
You should also reach out to Women’s Aid who will provide you with emotional support and practical advice.

Please don't even try talking to this abusive son of a bitch. There is absolutely no point at all. Just get yourself financially sorted. See a solicitor. Speak to women's aid. Get your ducks in a row and get the fuck away from him.