Things DP said to me while on holiday

There is no point at all in trying to discuss this with him. He is utterly horrible. And he does not love you or respect you or want you any more.

Just tell him the relationship is over and leave him. Only be willing to discuss arrangements for the children. Don’t get sucked into debating the relationship.

You will almost certainly need to get a job sooner than you had planned. But it will be so worth it for the effect on your self esteem.

What did you say in response to these things?

@noodlewoo please get some self respect. Don't let ANYONE talk to you this way or make you feel bad about yourself. DH makes me feel like the most beautiful thing on the planet, even when I look like utter shit. That's how it should be. What would you say if a friend, or your mum or daughter was in your shoes?

I would have dumped him at the airport. What a shallow, vile man he is.

In no particular order:

find yourself a job
dump him
decide what you want to do with the rest of your life and go for it.

He’s an absolute wanker and he’s negging you so that your self-esteem is at zero.

Time to prove to him it’s not.

Leave the prick. Leave him. God you're 29, you have decades and decades ahead of you. Don't waste it on this wanker. Also he's a terrible role model for your kid

@HotSource , they do but they hide it really well.

Then, when they have had their head turned or decided that being a dad is too much like hard work, they switch on the ring that the frog will eventually boil on.

None of this is your fault, @noodlewoo . Do not blame yourself. As many have probably posted, it's over unless you want the rest of your life to be like this. He has contempt for you. You deserve better than this, as do your DC.

Gone out with my share of wankers and when they start this sort of shit I just do it back to them. It's the end of the relationship as they are being extremely disrespectful and I don't tolerate that.
He said “you could have made more of an effort. “look at all these girls wearing trendy clothes. You need to start wearing clothes like that”
Wow, doesn't that guy look great. Isn't his hair amazing. God I love those jeans, whhhoooaaaa.
“I like those gym leggings and sets” Don’t you wish you could wear stuff like that”
God that guy looks buff. Wonder how much time he spends working in the gym. Maybe he's just got a physical job - tradies are usually pretty buff from all that heavy lifting.
Then he asked if he thought people would put us together. Wasn’t sure what he meant so I asked him. He said well do you think people would think either of us were punching.
Funny you say that. I've had a few people say to me that you're punching - but I tell them I love your personality, it isn't all about looks..

I've no time for game playing, mind games, evening the score, whatever, op needs to get shut of someone treating her like shit as all he is going to do is escalate his behaviour.
Why spend years or a lifetime putting up with abuse?

I would honestly just leave him and grey rock. No excuse to ever put someone down. Find someone else who loves you for who you are!

Wow ! He is either insecure and knows your too good for him .
Or he’s getting away with treating you like crap so he keeps doing it .
He thinks he can do better let him go OP

Ive put up with more than I should have at points in my life but if a man was so honesty and nasty I would tell him to leave. .
Its hard to see how you’re questioning anything other than him being a nasty disgusting bully .

He's doing these things and gaslighting you and here you are questioning your reality.
That’s why he keeps going them as you stay.

As above what will you get from a conversation ? He backs down and says he didn’t mean it that way and you accept ? Then all is well ?

No he may pretend for a short while but OP you know what he thinks of you . Either that he’s a nasty narcassist who likes head games and thinks every other women would want him .

Yep, like other posters have said, it's contempt.

He's looking at other women all the time and comparing you, very unfavourably.

Thinks he's too good for you: 'punching'.

Doesn't care about your back issues: 'don't start'

Your natural bodily functions like your period disgust him: 'anging'

He's an immature little arsehole who obviously hasn't emotionally developed any further from the 21 year old he was when you were first together. He's even told you that if you hadn't had children so young he wouldn't be with you now.

My father was 20 when my older brother was born, when my brother turned 10 my father went the same way...looking back, I see it as him having a very early mid-life crisis. He was sick of being a parent and the sole provider - my mother hadn't worked since having my older brother - and he had plain fell out of love with her. He ended up not even liking her much.

He sounds like an utter arsehole. I would be evaluation options for the future.

I understand the letting yourself go side and that's a seperate issue.

I "let myself go" a few years aho, but in fact, I was depressed. Depressed by the relationship I was in. He'd met me a size 10 and I was a 14 when I finally left him.

If he wants to stay with you, he's grinding you down so you feel like you're lucky he's even with you.
That no one else would want you.

There's a way of saying things. He could say it in a loving way ie, you have a fab figure and could pull off the legging & top look.
On changing, you're so cute when you change, you make me giggle.

You need to be firm with him and answer back in a non confrontational way.

You do realise periods are natural, would you rather I was a man?

On anything body wise, does it make you love me any less?

Don't allow him to wear you down and don't give him the satisfaction.

@kittylion2 the cartoon makes me want to cry for you. How evil.

Your DP sounds like a giant fucking arsehole and you deserve better!

Also op, I put on almost two stone in a year and a half of a man like this then got pregnant and baby weight etc - he left me just before baby was born and I was back to the weight before I met him in about four months post Partum. Being in an abusive relationship can make us gain weight as he comfort eat and don't take care of ourselves.

So that’s your actual gaslighting, right there.

Please, please don’t stand for it. Get rid of him. Anyone who thinks it’s OK to say these things is not a good partner.

Is he a gorgeous specimen.... I suspect not (and being a prize prick is not a compliment)

Please get this awful man out of your life. Your self esteem must be rock bottom. Seriously, it would be infinitely better to be alone than with this creature.

This is good advice.
Kitty, do you and your kids talk about their growing up experiences now? What do they say about your marriage? (This might be helpful for op and other readers to see). I'm their age and would encourage them to go into counselling to process it all. I hope they are happy and enjoying themselves regardless of LTR which aren't the best all and end all of life!
Don't beat yourself up - you did the best you could with the knowledge that you had at the time x

Gone out with my share of wankers and when they start this sort of shit I just do it back to them. It's the end of the relationship as they are being extremely disrespectful and I don't tolerate that.

He said “you could have made more of an effort. “look at all these girls wearing trendy clothes. You need to start wearing clothes like that”

Wow, doesn't that guy look great. Isn't his hair amazing. God I love those jeans, whhhoooaaaa.

“I like those gym leggings and sets” Don’t you wish you could wear stuff like that”

God that guy looks buff. Wonder how much time he spends working in the gym. Maybe he's just got a physical job - tradies are usually pretty buff from all that heavy lifting.

Then he asked if he thought people would put us together. Wasn’t sure what he meant so I asked him. He said well do you think people would think either of us were punching.

Funny you say that. I've had a few people say to me that you're punching - but I tell them I love your personality, it isn't all about looks...

Another thing, and I’m asking these questions so it can all make sense to me is that when I was getting changed in the room, he’d look and do a little laugh. I’d ask him what he’s laughing at and he’d say nothing you just make me laugh. What does that even mean? I was literally just getting changed
Come on, you must know by now.
He is making you doubt yourself.

You will never be thin enough, pretty enough, dress sexy enough or what ever according to him because he us trying to keep you down.
Life's to short for this shit.

Be happy and dump him while you still have some dignity and self respect. Take time to reflect and when you find someone new make sure he treats you like the best!

This. He's showing you his resentment loud and clear, probably hoping you will leave first. You should for your children sakes if nothing else.

He sounds like a miserable bastard who doesn’t deserve you.

Firstly, I'm so sorry someone has made you feel like this.
Secondly, you sound lovely, you deserve so much better.
Thirdly - Get. Rid. Of. Him