Things DP said to me while on holiday

FGS the last four threads I have clicked on this morning have been from posters whose partners are complete fucking pricks.

Boorish, rude, lazy, selfish, cruel, entitled, often lazy pricks.

Why is still seen as preferable to being single? Are they that good in bed? I'm betting not. I would say "there are lots of nice men out there, bin him" but sadly it seems there aren't. And society makes women feel pressured to remain in a couple and afraid of the alternative. And yes it is bloody scary when it's just you.

Fucking society. Fucking men.

(edited as I thought of more things to add to my rant)

Thank you. I know what punching above one's weight means, but I have never seen it abbreviated to merely 'punching'.

This is disgusting from someone who is supposed to love you.

LTB. And I really mean it. He's a mean nasty bully who deserves no further consideration from you.

He's a disrespectful, self-obsessed, immature little dick.
Leave him and live a life of not being put down and belittled by a man who clearly thinks he deserves better than you, which in reality is quite ironic because it's the other way around. Don't waste another second of your life on someone so vile.

Is this normal behaviour OP or has it changed? It sounds to me like someone who's trying to justify to himself something he's done or is about to do. Whether or not that's the case, don't put up with it. You deserve better.

In his mind the relationship is over, I wouldn't stay with someone who spoke like that to me any signs he has been seeing someone else ? Has he always spoke to you like this or is it a recent thing? He might want you to be the bad person who broke your family up so he comes off as a victim .

What an arsehole.

He has contempt towards you. He no longer feels attracted and feels justified to treat you badly. It is really damaging behaviour and will continue and get worse.

Dont let it slide. Call him out, tell him you know what his comments mean and if he wants out then go. If he cant have any respect or kindness towards you, then you will leave.

Make your statement clear and without emotion. Then let him consider.

Be prepared to free yourself from this cruel fool of a man

There is a lot to unpack there. Is your relationship good usually?

I have had conversations with my husband about what path our life may have taken if we hadn't met, but that is distinctly different from asking if you would still be together if it wasn't for the kids as it implies they are the sole reason you are still together from his perspective, unless swiftly followed by confirmation that he would still hope to be in the relationship.

As to the comment about "punching" ask him to clarify what his thoughts were on that - no man that truly loves you would make any comment but "I am punching with you", if he dares to suggest its the other way around, then he is not someone who cares about you in the way you deserve.

At the very best he is being very insensitive and unnecessarily cruel. Do not allow him to minimise it, he needs to reconsider how he talks/refers to you.

Once you’ve calmed down, have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Use "I" like "I feel hurt when you say that". Don't let him say you are overthinking or being too sensitive, he needs to think before he speaks about the effect his words have on you. This is on him, not you and make it clear you know that. When he says something, i.e. the punching comment, ask him what he meant and what his reply would be if you had asked that? Don't let him dodge it. Understanding the intent behind the comments can help. Clearly communicate that undermining comments are unacceptable and how it affects you and that there will be consequences if this continues.

Often, such behaviour stems from the other person’s insecurities and I would say don't take it personally, but I know it hurts and he needs to know that too.

Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about what you’re experiencing because sometimes they can offer a different perspective and if his behaviour persists consider professional help i.e. couples counselling to mediate and address underlying issues.

Know your own worth, if you don't they won't. And remember that your kids are growing up in this environment and they learn by example.

Yikes, what a cock! 😳
No you are absolutely NOT being over sensitive. He is 100000% NOT saying these things “for your sake”. And he is disguising how he really feels by saying it’s a “joke”….its not.

I would take a good look at your relationship and work out what you are actually benefiting by staying with him and consider what would happen if he was to just up and leave one day (because it definitely sounds like he is checking out of the relationship so I’d start getting all my ducks in a row ready for WHEN it all ends).

No one deserves to be spoken to the way he does to you. So, pull on your big girl pants, realise how amazing you are and choose to do better! Step one, ditch the arsehole and start to rebuild your confidence. X

This is classic gaslighting and is not OK! He had no right to be so cruel and nasty to you during your holiday and especially on your birthday. He sounds like a complete narcissist - that ability to be able to twist everything into making you look unreasonable while playing the victim! Having escaped a marriage to such a person, I know how they make you doubt yourself and sometimes even your own sanity!

I wish you well for your talk with him tonight. Try to have some retorts ready for when he tries to twist your words and make you think you are the one being unreasonable. I will be astonished if he acknowledges he's even done anything wrong, let alone apologises!

Don’t listen to anyone who uses the word trendy. He sounds like a utter twat OP.

Hello lovely lady
He is cruel,mean and spiteful. Let him go.literally show him the door and tell him enough is enough. I get totally how hurt,confused and upset you are.Also you could be fearful of how you would manage but I learned very early on that I could manage and have peace of mind and it is so worth it. Waking up and going to sleep is so much better when you do not have to endure this abuse, wondering what they are going to say to destroy you more today. You do not have to endure this any longer and I promise you whatever he says and whatever he does next he feels ok doing this to you, he likes doing this to you. It's not ok. Please be brave,let him go for you not for him.I am so sorry you have to live like this right now it must be very painful for you. Find your courage and go live in peace.

Wannabe Adonis Arsehole. Waa Waa.

It means he is an evil bastard who is trying to subtlety (or not so subtlety) mess with your head and make you feel awful about yourself. And when you question his behaviour he gaslights the fuck out of you.

He is a properly evil piece of shit.

The obvious question is he Brad Pitt lookalike or more a Brad Pitt scrotum lookalike?

It’s so sad to me that you’re on here asking others if you’re being sensitive.

You obviously have very low self esteem not helped at all by being with a nasty bastard who constantly puts you down and compares you unfavourably to others. I’m so glad you’re not married and presumably don’t have kids, it makes it that much easier for you to walk away.

Which is what you should be doing - very quickly.

Everyone who is reading this who has daughters: please bring them up knowing their worth, compliment them on their brains and achievements yes but also tell them they’re beautiful and worthy of being loved. Tell them to leave at the first sign of abuse. I was luckily brought up like this and would never put up with this treatment, I’d much rather be single than be in a relationship with someone who wants to put me down and shatter my confidence. It’s really important to raise girls in a way that they are confident and take no shit - as there’s so many men like this twat out there.

I’m sorry OP but he sounds horrible. He must be eating away at your confidence with all these comments and “jokes”. Do you have a good relationship? Do you truly love him? He doesn’t sound kind, supportive, loving, caring (or trustworthy tbh). This whole holiday would be making me question things with him and wondering if I would be more confident without him and could find someone who adores me

Oh love, he's awful. I've read your posts and you've got kids together so this is hard, but he doesn't respect or value you, and clearly thinks he's a catch (although from the way he treats you, he clearly isn't).

Get a job for your freedom. What price freedom? Well at the moment, it's him - that's the price you're paying.

Fuck that, 'punching' cunt.

Wow. He’s so cruel.

Why the hell are you with this arsehole? Please dump him.

The minute he compared you to other women was when you should have ended the relationship. It's completely unacceptable, he needs to go

He's not a "D" anything - he is a pain in the backside and you DO NOT NEED HIM.

Partners are supposed to support and bolster each pother's ego - they are also supposed to be loving. Is anything he has done or said loving?

If you bought a washing machine and it failed to do the washing you would send it back and get a new one. If you are with a partner who fails to behave like a partner, then send him back where he came from and get a new one.

Tell him if he likes those gym sets so much to get one and wear it himself! Then chuck him, preferably in the bin!

It is not your fault and your not being oversensitive!

Life is too short to be putting up with this type of behaviour. I know OP you won't want to split up with him, if he won't listen to you then you need to consider your options.

My sons Dad did this to me. I eventually walked out, that was 13 years ago and it was the best thing I ever did! He would comment on my appearance, my personality, whatever he could really to bring me down! It's no way to live you wonder what's coming next!