Things DP said to me while on holiday

The question isn't whether he wants to be with you or not, it's whether he will treat you with love and respect instead of bullying you.

He isn't the one making the decision here, you are - Do you want to be with him? Would you be happy with the relationship if nothing changed? Do you believe he can change?

Of course he'll say he wants to come back, he's used to being with you and doesn't see anything wrong with his behaviour. He thinks you're the one who needs to change (you don't).

But if that is the only reason, then bin him off full stop. Why would you waste your one precious life with someone who does not respect you, who puts you down, and who - in your own words - is only there because it's convenient for him?

Love yourself first.

Why would you get to keep the house? Maybe he’ll want to keep it. Can you afford it on your own? Most SAHM who don’t want to work have to move somewhere cheaper than the joint home.

He is dismantling your feelings of self worth brick by brick. He is being spiteful.

I would tell him to go to his mums and then not take him back no matter what. He's a massive arse

So you have your answer. Don’t let him back. You’ll have a happier life without that constant bullying

He doesn’t like you.

How would you feel if a colleague or friend said these things?

Would you think you were being over sensitive or would you they think they were rude and didn’t like you?

It sounds like you’re together purely out of habit, rather than actually wanting to be together.

I would seriously consider whether this is a relationship you want to stay in and work hard at.

Because gently, I can see him leaving you soon and I think you either need to start preparing for it and/or getting in there first.

Don’t leave yourself in a position where if he left tomorrow you’d be struggling.
Focus on making it as easy as possible for yourself and kids.

Respect is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship . He seems to have forgotten that.
Your husband sounds very immature and abusive.
You are young OP you have choices.
I would start by becoming financially and socially independent . Stop seeing housework and childcare as your sole responsibility and change your language accordingly.Stop acting like his mother and picking up after him , he has children he needs to care for independent of you.
Marriage takes hard work communication and respect. If he isn’t prepared to step up and treat you as an equal and not an ornament he doesn’t deserve you.

Sounds to me like this relationship is in its death throes. You got together young and likely are in fact still together because of the kids. He sounds massively immature and may have had his head turned. He will likely get nastier and nastier so you eventually dump him, so he can say it wasn’t him, you are evil, let yourself go, etc. Sorry op, you deserve better.

When we were on holiday in July my husband noticed we had put on weight - had been so busy working we had lost track - and he did sort of hint we could do with getting fitter which we have started to do since we've been back. However he said it in a tactful way. He meant both of us. He said we could be healthier. He wasn't picking holes in my appearance or clothes or anything else. There is a way to encourage someone to get fit and it usually involves suggesting you get fit together!

He’s terrible. You are being the opposite to a little sensitive. Is he putting you down to keep you or do you think he’s looking around for the next person? None of this is to support you, he’s trying to shame you.

Just saw your last update - don't let him try and twist this into some 'I said it for you, I didn't mean it in a bad way!!' BS. Pointing out other women and asking why you can't look/dress like them, telling you to go on a diet and laughing at you when getting changed is him doing fuck all for you. It isn't encouraging or helpful, it is humiliating, disgusting abuse.

Not only are you clearly a much nicer, respectful, kinder human being I bet anything you are better looking than he is too.

Tell the prick to leave and have at it, I am sure all of these girls in their gym wear will be queuing up because presumably he's absolutely gorgeous with chiseled abs and impeccable dress sense.

Please dont let anyone talk to you like this! This is abuse!

does your husband have a perfect body and wear "trendy" clothes?
does he give you enough time to do things you like doing for yourself?
do you share household responsibility, tasks and income?

He's a nasty mean angin individual OP. Get rid.

He sounds unbelievably immature. What would his reaction be if you kept checking other men out and basically saying you wished he looked like them? It's horrid behaviour...you can do better, I've been with my oh since college..together 14 years and not once has he tried to make me feel insecure! I couldn't cope with a man that is just on the lookout and pointing anyone remotely attractive out from morning till night! X

@noodlewoo this post sums it up perfectly.

He's been deliberately cruel amd nasty. I've been with my DH for 14 years not once has he said anything like that to me and I have ranged from size 8 to size 16 (now a size 10.)
When I have been unhappy about my weight he encourages me but approaches it together and gently if it's what I wish to do e.g. let's go for a walk but it is following a conversation we have had together.

I wouldn't have made it on the plane, he'd have been told to get fucked in the middle of the airport and I would have gone home to unpack my bags and fill it with his shit to leave out front.

Yeah, one of you is punching and it's him. FFS, vile pig. Why do you even care what he thinks of you at this point, how does he not disgust you?

His head's been turned.

Id leave him tbh

Brilliant, sensible advice

Hi OP, he seems brutally insensitive and tactless. I'm unsure if you have gained extra weight that makes you unhealthy ( but that is absolutely no excuse for his actions/words). If that is the case, could he be clumsily addressing this? I'm not saying that makes him right at all and his behaviour and choice of words is inexcusable. Is he normally tactless and abrasive?

DUMP HIM

Tell him to go take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut.