Things DP said to me while on holiday

You mean your ex partner don't you?

He doesn't seem to like you much. Time for him to fuck off.

I take it he looks like a Mens Health cover model, yeah? Or absolutely not!

It's usually incredibly average men who treat women like this.

Don't put up with that shit, OP. Tell him he's being a twunt and to shut his face.

Why does it not make sense to you? He’s a twat and that’s the way twats behave. End of.
No point in trying yourself in knots trying to “make sense” of it.

What a horrible man.

he is chipping away at your self esteem.

please kick his ass out. He’s no good.

that's horrible OP - He's a bully. Chipping away at your confidence bit by bit so you expect less and less. Consider finishing with him. for your own self respect

Of course his behaviour/words make you feel unloved and shitty.

Thats the whole point. That is how he wants you to feel. That makes him feel good, in control etc.

SO no, I doubt he will leave and if he does he will assume he can return and will return at the first opportunity.

Get rid of him, he is a disgusting waste of space.

Whilst you are involved with this bellend, he is gradually chipping away at your self esteem in a cruel way and I know there is only so much you should take before you move on without him, a shadow of your former self.

That is why I suggest you talk to him, asap and tell him how he makes you feel and warn him if he continues to undermine your self esteem, like he has been doing, you could/would leave him,

Oh my goodness, please just boot him out then! He is being emotionally abusive to you and do you want your kids picking up on that, really?

My pleasure. I wish you the very best x

Your DP might love you as the mother of his children, but based upon what you've written, he definitely doesn't like you.

You've also admitted that he's mainly still living with you due the convenience of somewhere to live.

You are too young to give any more years to a man that doesn't like you.

If I knew you in real life, my advice would be love yourself more than you love him, raise your boundaries and your standards.

When you do this you'll find the confidence to tell him to kick rocks and get out.

Good luck

I completely understand, I was in fact in this exact situation with my DC when he was young. Couldn’t find a placement with nursery and had an uphill fight to apply for a specialist school placement. Also had to collect him from mainstream school after only two hours a day attendance. I would never have been able to work whilst all that was going on.

Luckily after years of perseverance he was given a placement at the right school to fit his needs and he was able to attend full time which allowed me to go back to work. Don’t take any notice of the comments from some of the few clueless and unsympathetic idiots on here. Your carers allowance will always be a support and safety net for you whilst you’re unable to work and financially you be okay. People have no idea how difficult it can be to be a parent of a child or children with a disability. You will get there. Take your focus and strength from your children, they will guide you through this difficult time. You sound like a wonderful mother who is kind, understanding and patient. You deserve so much more than the person you’re with now.

Please don’t waste your time and life with this man / boy. He doesn’t think your enough for him but will get a shock he you showed some strength and ended things . He ll only get worse if he stays because your allowing him to disrespect, belittle you . Set your bar higher , you deserve it . The fact that he refuses to be accountable about how his cruel ways are hurting you speaks enough volumes. Kick him out .

Get him out asap. And have a much nicer holiday next time without him.
He’s vile. Objectifying women, putting you down all the time. 🤢 Very unattractive traits in a man.

The trouble is OP that he thinks he’s better than you. He thinks he’s more attractive and thinks your punching. You can ask him to change, to not say nasty stuff, to stay at his mums and reflect… but he won’t see you differently. I couldn’t be with someone that thinks he could do better, you have to decide if you can.

Tenancy-wise it’s much more of a complicated matter and would depend on whether or not he’s on the tenancy in the first place. As others have said he’s already emotionally abusing her so she would have grounds there under coercive control. The OP can apply to the courts to have him removed and she would have an incredibly strong case due to the age of her children and the fact that she’s already providing care. I daresay she probably provides the majority of the care anyway regardless of the child’s disability. Doesn’t sound like he’s going to be jumping in any time soon to be the resident parent considering the fact that he has already admitted he wishes he didn’t have children so young. With that in mind a lot of HA tenancy agreements won’t allow for under occupancy. This is assuming that he can be bothered to put up with all that hassle which if he can’t be bothered to want to parent his own children, he’s unlikely going to want a court battle just for somewhere to live to then lose.

Also, not as stupid as you clearly thinking that caring for your disabled child is the same as being wilfully unemployed. You’re just continuing to make yourself look dense by pushing that point. Allow me to break it down for you in simple terms. Given that she claims DLA for her child she would have no requirement to look for work on universal credit. Claiming carers allowance gives you a maximum earnings limit as well that most would struggle to find a job to fit around. Depending on the disability of the child she may not be able to work. Childcare can be a stumbling block for a parent of a child with high needs that may require additional support to meet their needs that regular childcare providers can’t supply.

Only someone who is extremely emotionally unintelligent would try and trample on a young woman stuck in an abusive relationship. Thats you by the way incase you were wondering. You’re showing yourself up here by the way, not anyone else.

Thanks @Unexpectedlysinglemum and I am sorry to say that we haven't talked about it in those terms - and I guess a lot of the reason is probably that I am scared that they think I am to blame.

Apart from not being very nice to me (and tbf apart from the horrible caricature and a couple of other incidents, he didn't usually do this in front of them) he was a reasonably good father to them - did stuff with them, cooked, fought their corner etc, but when he left (they were older teens) he married someone abroad almost immediately and didn't bother too much with them. No birthday or Christmas presents, and limited communication, although he has improved a bit now. He doesn't communicate with me of course, I wouldn't expect or like it.

The younger one in particular has had a lot of problems and has needed/still needs considerable support from me. I found (from exSIL) that Ex was sad when he found out certain things - upset that this was his DC and he didn't know about their struggles. But this was DC's decision as an adult - not mine.

Edited to apologise for derailing OP's thread.

You really think the police will kick someone out of their home for a few comments (albeit cuntish ones)?!

I haven't read all the responses, so apologies if someone has already said something similar.

His behaviour towards you is disgusting. Who does he think he is speaking to you like that and trying to make you feel inferior to other women? As for the period comment, that's just odd. He is being emotionally abusive and you are being gaslighted (no doubt) into wondering if you are being too sensitive!

Best thing is to leave him. How much happier will you be when you close the door when you get home at night and you don't have a nasty bastard waiting for you to knock your confidence even more. You will be so much happier and content without that!

You have your children, you focus on them and take time to take care of yourself.

As for him...let him move on, who cares. I just feel sorry for the next woman he gets with because he will be like that with her too. Making a woman feel lacking is his way of boosting his own ego. What a man 🙄

Tell him to go away for a few days, yes. But tell him it's so that you can decide whether or not your relationship has a future and whether you want to be with him. And while he's gone, make your escape plan. He's gaslighting you and he's an emotionally abusive prick.

I am a few pounds too heavy and don't wear the best clothes. Dh tells me every day how wonderful I am and how much he loves me. Because he's nice and not an abusive prick. This is what normal looks like, op. What you have is not normal.

This one nails it. OP he sounds like a fucking prick

Decided not to work?

I'm not sure that someone in receipt of DLA and carers allowance made a 'decision' about anything. I highly doubt there was a choice