To be having second thoughts about DS staying over at grandparents?

I suppose it depends on who's funeral it is. The last funeral I was at it would have been entirely inappropriate to bring a young child; the deceased's own preschool children did not attend and the widow needed my full attention due to how tragic the circumstances were and how close she is to me.

Maybe someone who died peacefully of old age after a great life, which feels more like a celebration tinged with sadness, would be OK to have a fidgety child with you, but I don't think they'd have much fun even then.

I very carefully said if there is an available option. I recognise that it might not be suitable for everyone. And I followed up with a different suggestion if it is not.

Could you consider/afford renting an air BnB for you and the PIL in the funeral town? That way, you wouldn’t be worried and PIL would not be left alone overnight with DGC.

T V and Smarties go a long way.... Eating Weetabix in bed with Granny and watching Disney Robin Hood together remains one of my daughter's favourite memories and they started young.... She came home exclaiming, Mum I didn't know you could have Weetabix for supper!!

Do you have to go to the funeral? With 2 very young children, I'd probably stay home, send my apologies and flowers! But I hate funerals anyway so I'd be glad of an excuse not to go!

My mother is 70 and had my 2 year old from 3pm Sunday - 5.30pm Monday - she was tired by her own admission but enjoyed games and baking with him and generally loving being a grandparent. He also slept better than at home, although was up until 9pm.
She has my 5yo more often as she's a crafter and sits down a lot more 😂
She won't have both at the same time over night (which is absolutely fine) but she'll baby sit at our house if we've needed to go to a birthday/wedding etc.

I think they'll be absolutely fine, don't worry it's one night. Worst case he's up all night - I'm sure they'll catch up with sleep.

I really do think your DS & PIL will be fine, OP. And even if things don't go swimmingly, it wouldn't be the end of the world.

DD would sleep in the car, and your pil would cope a lot better for the day with a good night's sleep behind them.

But if you can't see how to do it in a day then it looks like you either risk the 24 hour plus stay for your ds, or send your apologies to the funeral. Best of luck.

Personally I wouldn't take my two young children to a funeral, I would worry they would be too disruptive and I'd have to step out anyway. I think in your situation I would have to send my apologies and not go to the funeral.

Could you tweak your planning to give yourself less time away? It would be tiring to do the drive in one day, but it could be manageable and mean you have more peace of mind? 3 hours each way, max 4.5 hours for a funeral, an hours break added onto each the journey for your toddler, is still only just over 12 hours . . .

If they don't want to that's fair enough, but my MIL is 78 and has our five year old overnight occasionally. She does find it hard work but enjoys it.

As long as the grandparents are happy to have DS there is no reason not for him to stay.

Your DS may wear them out but they'll have rest of the year to recover assuming they no longer work

I've looked after grandchildren overnight from very young babies (medical emergency).

I have sleepovers with up to six of them every Friday depending on who wants to come. They now range from 2-8 years old.

You can't plan for what is going to happen during that time. I have taken children home in the middle of the night when they've not settled/been upset - one daughter lives an hour away.

When I've looked after them when a parent is away for a night and they've become upset and want mummy we've had to just comfort them until they fall asleep - there's no reasoning with a screaming 3 year old if they desperately want their mummy. An hour and a half screaming is the most I've had at bedtime.

I don't know whether it's better to prepare a child well in advance of a sleepover and get them used to the thought of staying over or otherwise impromptu where you say 'what a lucky boy/girl you are, you're having a sleepover tonight and it'll be really fun' so they haven't got too much time to dwell on it.

All six of the grandchildren have had their moments when they've had second thoughts about it at some point - the oldest grandchild, who started having sleepovers when she was 2, hasn't missed a week since she was three.

Our 2/3 year olds have been to a funeral and they behaved impeccably during the service - had loads of fun afterwards with relatives who they'd never met before.

It depends on your parents, their health and if they’re happy/want to. My mum’s grandchildren range from my brother’s 2 year old to 28 so she’s had years of having little kids overnight . She’s 76 now and my dad is 80, they love having the younger ones to stay every now and then and my mum is perfectly able to look after them and enjoys it.

I will go against the grain and say it does sound too much for both sides. A day, overnight and full day next day might be too much for IL as well as your ds if he is upset. Is it not an option to get a babysitter travel with you. If IL have always been reluctant then a sudden amount of time like this seems a bit much.

Why don't grandparents stay at your house then your DC has lots of toys and familiarity around them?
PIL may find it a bit much but it's a one off.
We look after our GC regularly and it can be exhausting but the joy they bring outweighs all that.
Look at the positives and the happiness.

I wouldn't. It's a big thing to do to a toddler that only sees grandparents a couple times per year, in a different home, in a different bed, without his parents.

I wouldn't do it to him personally. Or if you really want to, make sure you build up to it by having a few nights there beforehand where you're nearby if needed.

I would also be worried that seventy year olds might not be as clued up or switched on regarding child safety, I've seen it many times where they're loving grandparents and mean well but just have no idea about simple things like slicing grapes, making sure the front door is locked etc., are they really going to be happy up at all hours with a toddler that's screaming for mummy/daddy?

Sounds like a recipe for disaster. This is very different to a child that has spent a night at granddad's house every Friday since 8wk.

We would jump at the chance to spend time with our 4 year old DGS. We have never been allowed to be with him without one of his DPs present and have no idea why.

He's probably ND, but we'd just suck it up and get on with it.

Kids tend to behave very differently for grandparents and strangers. My friend had a little boy who was a complete terror. One day she asked me to stay over as she had an interview early in the morning and needed someone to watch him for half a day. He was as good as gold for me. As soon as she walked through the door, the tantrums resumed.
I am sure it's going to be just fine, especially if you say he is normally OK at the nursery for a day.