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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be scared to have another baby after DH poor show last time.

266 replies

FabricFrog · 08/10/2024 00:08

I had an emergency section with DD, extremely traumatic - block didn’t go high enough, baby high up, swabs lost inside. Put to sleep as could feel it all and screaming in agony on the table.

Post section I was really unwell, related to issues that cropped up, MW gave a private room so DH could help and gave him orders to let me sleep. He slept all night whilst I agonizingly tried to look after baby and when they came in he’d pretend he’d been caring for us both.

When we came home from hospital I was still having a lot of pain, and begged for some help and he took himself to the spare room. I went in and begged and cried for help and he called me a physcopath and shut the door on me.

He says this is because men aren’t made to handle lack of sleep, but I’m too scared for a repeat.

AIBU to say no more.

OP posts:
Original poster
FabricFrog · 08/10/2024 10:35

LL1991 · 08/10/2024 10:31

Sorry but yes, I'd absolutely not want another kid with this man. How has he been as the baby has been growing up? I bloody well hope he's made up for it since!

He hasn’t been anything other than attentive to the baby, kind and patient with them. It’s me he hates 😂

OP posts:
user98786 · 08/10/2024 10:33

Holy crap. Sorry for your situation. Well done for doing something about it.

LL1991 · 08/10/2024 10:31

Sorry but yes, I'd absolutely not want another kid with this man. How has he been as the baby has been growing up? I bloody well hope he's made up for it since!

Original poster
FabricFrog · 08/10/2024 10:28

When this house was being discussed to be left to me my mum said it was best to put it in her name with lifetime enjoyment to myself. So I think it will be protected?

OP posts:
Original poster
FabricFrog · 08/10/2024 10:27

My mum just said maybe there’s been someone else for a while, as men usually turn cold and distant when there is another woman.

OP posts:
StMarieforme · 08/10/2024 10:21

Are you actually married op? If so did you protect your property?

Lifeomars · 08/10/2024 10:19

Just seen the update and feeling relieved and pleased. Well done OP, upwards and onwards towards a happy peaceful life for you and your little one. "Someone better" oh, they always have another one lined up, she is in for one hell of a shock when his mask inevitably drops.

Lifeomars · 08/10/2024 10:15

AnneElliott · 08/10/2024 07:51

Do not have another baby with this arsehole. My H was no where near that bad but completely useless which is why I've only got 1 DS. Much easier with 1 if you're going to end up doing everything yourself.

Mine was awful too, started having affairs when our baby was only a few weeks old, wasn't interested in our child, left me for a woman he worked with when our baby was 7 months old and never paid any child support and I thought that was bad! This stuff is a whole other level of deliberate cruelty and abuse. One of the most shocking things I have read on here. Really hope OP gets rid and goes on to have a great life. Thing is I reckon he will find another woman to abuse and bully.

viques · 08/10/2024 10:11

FabricFrog · 08/10/2024 09:14

Well that was relatively easy. I sent him a couple of messages this morning explaining that I didn’t see there was much point in him returning to my home when this work trip ends. He said he’s been wanting to leave anyway and there’s someone better for him waiting.

Well you got that sorted easily enough OP. Any thoughts about how to resolve Ukraine, or Gaza?

Lifeomars · 08/10/2024 10:10

is there somewhere you can go with your little one while you get yourself together to organise divorcing this well words fail me to adequately describe his cruelty, selfishness, deceit and downright vileness. What a terrible person he is and what a dreadful role model for your child. Please don't stay, don't make excuses for him, he will only get worse and ruin your life. You deserve so much more than this

Sugargliderwombat · 08/10/2024 10:09

Im so glad you've got rid of him OP. What a horrible person.

Iloveacurry · 08/10/2024 10:09

Well done op.

AegonT · 08/10/2024 10:07

You have left him! Well done! I hope there isn't actually "someone better", she'll have a nasty surprise coming.

TENSsion · 08/10/2024 10:05

FabricFrog · 08/10/2024 09:14

Well that was relatively easy. I sent him a couple of messages this morning explaining that I didn’t see there was much point in him returning to my home when this work trip ends. He said he’s been wanting to leave anyway and there’s someone better for him waiting.

Sorry. Just seen the updates.

GOOD FOR YOU!!!

And as for “someone better”, I highly doubt it. And if they are all that, they won’t be putting up with him for long either xx

AegonT · 08/10/2024 10:04

You need to leave him immediately. How can you be with someone who did that to you?!

TENSsion · 08/10/2024 10:02

Do not have a baby with a man who, in your own words, you struggle to love.

KimberleyClark · 08/10/2024 09:56

Mmhmmn · 08/10/2024 00:12

I think this is the first AIBU I’ve ever seen thats got 100% agreement that YANBU.

It doesn’t - 1% voted YABU! OP you would be mad to stay with him never mind have another baby with him. It’s good that you have realised.

BlackButter · 08/10/2024 09:56

I’m so glad to read your update and strength @FabricFrog Reading what he said the day before you have birth and how he treated you was horrid. Enjoy the planning your new life away from him and the freedom that will bring

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/10/2024 09:52

Sorry just read your update that you've ended it - well done op and enjoy your freedom!!

TinkerTiger · 08/10/2024 09:52

‘Scared’ to have another baby? You’d be stupid to have another baby. He’s shown you who he is.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/10/2024 09:49

Op yabu for not leaving him (I know it's so hard though). Please call womens aid for advice about leaving him safely.

My ex would have been the same if he hadn't walked out a month before the baby was born- it's a blessing that he did, as I was so well looked after by my kind friends and family who helped me all night and nursed me post c section. Thats the kind of treatment you deserved - he was abusive and I'm sorry the midwives didn't see this and help you.

Absolutely don't have another child in this marriage. The ONLY thing I would say though, is I now have a massive broody yearning for baby number 2 but I don't want to do it on my own again with a sperm donor as it would be unfair for one child to have a dad but not the other (in my view - no judgement to women who do do this more power to you) and I also don't want to rush into a relationship while my boy is a toddler but by the time he's older I might be too old for a baby. IF you want another baby, and you have great family support, then you could get pregnant before you leave him and then leave and go to live next to or with family and then have a planned c section that they can help you recover from. Youre stuck coparenting with this man anyway so copareting with one child vs two children won't be very different and it might be nice for the children to have each other to go between houses with. This is only IF you want another baby. If I was in your position (and I would be if he hadn't left) I'd be tempted to do this.
X

Matildahoney · 08/10/2024 09:44

What a great update to read OP, here's to a new happy life for you 🎉

Ohnobackagain · 08/10/2024 09:43

@FabricFrog I’m sorry and glad all at once. Sorry he was just so awful to you at what should have been a wonderful time in your life despite the problems during birth etc. Sorry he’s been so crap after. Glad the creep is going because you deserve better and he’s awful and glad he’s trotted off ‘to someone better’ who we all know 1) is not better 2) hopefully will dump him (does she have her own house too?) 3) he might even have said that out of spite.

Trash took itself out. Awful man. Wish you well OP!

Skyrainlight · 08/10/2024 09:43

Why would you EVER have another child with a man like that. That would be absolute madness.

TheCultureHusks · 08/10/2024 09:39

Well done OP.

But I’m going to focus as everyone else will - you’re married, FINANCES - you may own the house but you need legal advice here! How long have you been married, etc.?

Get good legal advice as an absolute priority.