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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be scared to have another baby after DH poor show last time.

266 replies

FabricFrog · 08/10/2024 00:08

I had an emergency section with DD, extremely traumatic - block didn’t go high enough, baby high up, swabs lost inside. Put to sleep as could feel it all and screaming in agony on the table.

Post section I was really unwell, related to issues that cropped up, MW gave a private room so DH could help and gave him orders to let me sleep. He slept all night whilst I agonizingly tried to look after baby and when they came in he’d pretend he’d been caring for us both.

When we came home from hospital I was still having a lot of pain, and begged for some help and he took himself to the spare room. I went in and begged and cried for help and he called me a physcopath and shut the door on me.

He says this is because men aren’t made to handle lack of sleep, but I’m too scared for a repeat.

AIBU to say no more.

OP posts:
RawBloomers · 08/10/2024 01:20

FabricFrog · 08/10/2024 00:35

Good really. He works away more days in the month than not. I have a job that I love and a great set up that isn’t reliant on him as he’s not been around enough anyway.

I am in the fortunate position where I solely own my home too.

Show quote history

How long have you been together? Assuming you’re in the UK, if you’ve been together for 5 years (including dating before marriage) then that house, while solely in your name, will still be a marital asset and will be part of the financial pot in any divorce settlement.

If you are close to the 5 year mark get the wheels in motion to split soon so that you can likely keep your assets.

All the best getting free from him - he sounds absolutely vile.

Feckingwrecled · 08/10/2024 01:19

FabricFrog · 08/10/2024 00:32

Thankfully yes, quite a big family around me. We certainly won’t suffer through a breakup, if anything it’ll be the making of me.

Show quote history

well then go girl go!! good luck to you and your baby. Don't look back and don't ever settle for anything like him again,

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 08/10/2024 01:18

Please leave him and make a good life for you and your wee one. What an awful person you're married to!
If by some miracle you're having sex with him make sure you've got contraception very much sorted...

DragonFire101 · 08/10/2024 01:15

Your baby is in danger with him in the house. There will be lots of challenging times from here onwards. It will get worse unless you leave.

Look out for the safety of your baby and yourself. Please stay elsewhere and kick that excuse of a man out of your house.

Oodiks · 08/10/2024 01:13

FabricFrog · 08/10/2024 00:13

To be honest no I don’t think I do love him anymore. I suffered with depression in pregnancy and he said ‘I wish you’d offed yourself when you were depressed’ the day before we went in to have her. After that I’ve struggled to really love him.

Leave him!

Do not raise your daughter in a house with that psycho.

Ilovelifeveryverymuch · 08/10/2024 01:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/10/2024 01:01

WTF?!

I have read some appalling things, and suffered some appalling things at my exhusbands hands but this has even me wondering how the hell you havent put him under the patio.

Get the piece of cruel useless shit out of your house but do be prepared for utter bafflement when he simply cannot see why you are doing it.

Delphiniumandlupins · 08/10/2024 00:56

Do not get pregnant again with this man. Do not rely on him for contraception.

BananaGrapeMelon · 08/10/2024 00:54

Definitely don't have another baby with him.

MaryEllenWaldron · 08/10/2024 00:51

FabricFrog · 08/10/2024 00:08

I had an emergency section with DD, extremely traumatic - block didn’t go high enough, baby high up, swabs lost inside. Put to sleep as could feel it all and screaming in agony on the table.

Post section I was really unwell, related to issues that cropped up, MW gave a private room so DH could help and gave him orders to let me sleep. He slept all night whilst I agonizingly tried to look after baby and when they came in he’d pretend he’d been caring for us both.

When we came home from hospital I was still having a lot of pain, and begged for some help and he took himself to the spare room. I went in and begged and cried for help and he called me a physcopath and shut the door on me.

He says this is because men aren’t made to handle lack of sleep, but I’m too scared for a repeat.

AIBU to say no more.

Why are you still with him? He's vile.

M103 · 08/10/2024 00:35

He is beyond awful. You need to leave him. Get a good lawyer. Good luck .

Original poster
FabricFrog · 08/10/2024 00:35

Daschund · 08/10/2024 00:33

How are you doing personally? Do not get pregnant, but do get planning. I so hope this is a troll post.

Good really. He works away more days in the month than not. I have a job that I love and a great set up that isn’t reliant on him as he’s not been around enough anyway.

I am in the fortunate position where I solely own my home too.

OP posts:
Shyfrog · 08/10/2024 00:34

FabricFrog · 08/10/2024 00:26

He was the one asking for a new baby. I think I was able to ‘bob’ along but the idea of any further commitment to him is too much to overcome after the things he’s said and done.

I think it ‘ended’ for me in those early newborn days. But I do need to put the wheels in motion to leave.

How did he ask? Why did he ask?

Daschund · 08/10/2024 00:33

How are you doing personally? Do not get pregnant, but do get planning. I so hope this is a troll post.

Catoo · 08/10/2024 00:33

FabricFrog · 08/10/2024 00:13

To be honest no I don’t think I do love him anymore. I suffered with depression in pregnancy and he said ‘I wish you’d offed yourself when you were depressed’ the day before we went in to have her. After that I’ve struggled to really love him.

He’s an absolute cunt.
Get rid of this disgusting man and enjoy life with your DD.

Honestly, every woman on earth deserves someone far better than him.

Do not get pregnant to him again.
💐

Shyfrog · 08/10/2024 00:32

Don’t have another baby with him

Original poster
FabricFrog · 08/10/2024 00:32

Peacelily001 · 08/10/2024 00:28

Do you have friends/family for support OP?

Thankfully yes, quite a big family around me. We certainly won’t suffer through a breakup, if anything it’ll be the making of me.

OP posts:
Mamabobogo · 08/10/2024 00:32

Honestly, leave him, he’s vile!

rainbowlou · 08/10/2024 00:31

He is an absolute cunt, and I don’t use that word often.
you deserve so much better x

Peacelily001 · 08/10/2024 00:28

Do you have friends/family for support OP?

Original poster
FabricFrog · 08/10/2024 00:26

He was the one asking for a new baby. I think I was able to ‘bob’ along but the idea of any further commitment to him is too much to overcome after the things he’s said and done.

I think it ‘ended’ for me in those early newborn days. But I do need to put the wheels in motion to leave.

OP posts:
Dotto · 08/10/2024 00:25

whenemmafallsinlove UK law has changed so anybody can get divorced easier, online, without requiring any reason or even the other person's agreement.

Run, OP x

JHound · 08/10/2024 00:25

FabricFrog · 08/10/2024 00:08

I had an emergency section with DD, extremely traumatic - block didn’t go high enough, baby high up, swabs lost inside. Put to sleep as could feel it all and screaming in agony on the table.

Post section I was really unwell, related to issues that cropped up, MW gave a private room so DH could help and gave him orders to let me sleep. He slept all night whilst I agonizingly tried to look after baby and when they came in he’d pretend he’d been caring for us both.

When we came home from hospital I was still having a lot of pain, and begged for some help and he took himself to the spare room. I went in and begged and cried for help and he called me a physcopath and shut the door on me.

He says this is because men aren’t made to handle lack of sleep, but I’m too scared for a repeat.

AIBU to say no more.

YANBU

Men who use the “oh I’m a man we don’t etc.” are excuse making t*sspots. It’s not “men” it’s just him and he is making excuses. I understand wanting all of your children in one place but please be aware he won’t be of any help.

TurquoiseBear · 08/10/2024 00:23

FabricFrog · 08/10/2024 00:13

To be honest no I don’t think I do love him anymore. I suffered with depression in pregnancy and he said ‘I wish you’d offed yourself when you were depressed’ the day before we went in to have her. After that I’ve struggled to really love him.

Jesus Op that’s utterly awful.
Let alone what you write in your original post.
Tbh, I’m echoing what other posters have said. I 100% would be leaving him, not considering having another child with him.

whenemmafallsinlove · 08/10/2024 00:23

Wtf! I think you could probably get a divorce on grounds of cruelty! My daughter just had a baby. My son in law loves his sleep but he has been up nights, taking over at 4am, keeping her calm and working. Because that's what a man is actually built to do.
Leave and don't look back. He could have left your child without a mother by saying things like that to you.