AIBU to think maybe some people just like this... or is it me??

I thought it was just me…

Some of this I really identify with. I haven't 'done' my hair in decades - never dry it. I ordered professional scissors and now cut my own hair using you-tube videos. I could sing and dance with the joy of knowing I may never go to the hair dressers again. I don't wear make up - never have. I think it's a weird practice. Shower and hair wash every morning though - in fact I can't face the day otherwise. Face cream. Love perfume - like pp - that's my one pleasure. I definitely have a touch of ADHD. Task avoidance reigns if I'm WFH - try to be ready by lunch.

A few things. Yes I'm like this. But I wonder how much of it is in my head. I grew up in a messy house and subsequently, always feel like a messy person. Also, I have depression and I am sure something neurodivergent. To combat this I try to make things easier. I get my clothes out the night before so I can shower in the morning without the stress of working out what to wear (while standing there cold and naked). I always wear perfume so I feel like I smell nicer. I have everything I need for a quick face put together (mascara, concealer and foundation) aster I've got dressed. It's not easy but I try and find ways to make it easier. There's a lot to be said for just being exhausted too.

I have tried it too, and also speed and coke. Did nothing for me at all.

A question about recreational drugs - I have tried MDMA twice - once was in a night club and I actually had to lie down and have a sleep with my head virtually in a speaker. That's not normal is it?

@Ihaveneedofwaternear ADHD doesn't always present as chaotic or impulsive particularly in women, it is fairly genetic so if you have anyone in your family with it then it's more likely. In women ADHD and autism were often diagnosed as other things depending on the prevailing trait whether that be an Eating Disorder, Bipolar, anxiety etc so there is no guarantee you would know and is why so many women are getting diagnosed now, as awareness increases and stigma from "Naughty boy syndrome" which it is not, decrease
When you look into it you don't have to go for any sort of assessment but try the recommended coping strategies.

There is an English social media couple called ADHDlove I think and they make some great content about living with it

The thing with adjustments whether at school, work or home is that what helps those that are ND also benefits others so there is no harm in trying techniques.

You might want to have a little look at Demand Avoidance and Rejection Sensitivity too which often go hand in hand.

Eyes are your priority OP.
Do the eye test.

Don't worry about the rest.

Oh and I'm 37 and only got diagnosed with both of these last year. Back then, I'd have likely yelled at you if you'd said I had either as I wasn't the standard stereotypical presentation of either.

I had close relatives who were the classic hyperactive boys too which did cloud my judgement a bit. You may not be of course, but probably worth looking into. Seems like an executive function / task paralysis thing to me.

I resonated so hard when I really started understanding what ADHD (and autism) really is instead of what I thought it was. But I still don't tick every box despite scoring extremely high - for example bad attention to detail and making mistakes I am the polar opposite of this. I'm also more autistic in my presentation in large social situations so not the 'look at me' dramatic one which I wrongly assumed was how every ADHD person was based on my previous experiences. It was a real eye opener when I really went down that rabbit hole.

Do you hyperfocus on things? Can you be all or nothing? would you say you feel RSD really strongly? So many things to ask but I really think you should take a look into it 😊 it's changed my life finally understanding why I am the way I am and why I've struggled with certsin things!

There is an inattentive type.. and typically, females present differently to males.
I always thought ADHD was hyper-active boys being a pain all the time... so you are not alone in subscribing to the old stereotypes.
A lot of of women get diagnosed around peri-menopause age, as things can get really difficult then.

It's one of those things that affects everyone differently - and I was well into my 40s before I knew. Well I mean I always knew there was...something. I still struggle with the idea, it's only the fact that there are literal physical effects that have made me face it. My solution to insomnia these days is a can of Coke. That's not normal so in many ways it's a relief to have an explanation. To know I'm not 'wrong', I'm just different. It's made my internal dialogue kinder.

Maybe that's not your problem, maybe it's something completely different but it's certainly worth checking.

ADHD / autism

Look up task paralysis

I get it op. I make myself but it's a battle with my head. Clothes aren't an issue now because I can buy online and I know what to buy (seasalt jersey dresses, plus bamboo leggings in winter)

I've just put off having a shower tonight as it's "too late."

Add to the list of things I can't be arsed with - chiropodist. I forgot the last appointment and will have to pay extra this week.

I really can't be arsed to go out the house, fortunately I am retired. I have to take the cats to the vets tomorrow (check up) don't want to go. Gave up Slimming World as couldn't be arsed to go out

I hate the going to bed routine, I just want to fall into bed but I have to clean my CPAP humidifying chamber Every Single Day. I always forget to do it first thing in the morning.

I think the word on my grave will be procrastinator

@MistressoftheDarkSide

Going to the hairdresser is in the same bracket as the dentist for me

I am have uttered the same line on MN on a similar thread. It is horrible, I hate it... I hate being touched, I hate being sat infront a mirror, I hate being the focus of someone else, I hate the small talk.. The first time I went to a salon was in my 30s, and the hairdresser said I "looked terrified".
As a kid, I would cry when I had my hair brushed or cut by my mum.
My hair is ropey and split endy as hell. Last time I had a trim was before Covid.

I just can not relate to someone who sees it as a treat.

ADHD diagnosis here and that's pretty close to how I can get.

OMG I have found my people. I am insanely jealous of Sabrina the teenage witch in the new series who just snaps her fingers to be "ready" for the day or change clothes. Going to the hairdresser is in the same bracket as the dentist for me.

Stupid thing is I love clothes and dressing up, but if I don't have a reason for it I won't. Some of it is definitely due to situational depression and burn out after a few shitty years (widowed, lost business, forced house move etc etc) but I've also always been reasonably low maintenance and tend to not believe I'm worthy of self care. I'd feel like a fraud going for a spa day.

Funnily enough whole pursuing some light mental health support the support worker suggested ADHD but I'm 55 and all I could hear in my head was my late Mum telling me to pull myself together. She was very stoic and we had a good relationship for the most part but there's some unpicking to be done there. One day. When I've stopped procrastinating.

But I can hide it really well. My friends see me as eccentric and Bohemian and glamorous, but scratch the surface and Waynetta is lurking.

I'm hoping I'll grow up one day.....

Yes, I hate all of that nonsense.

I hate showering or bathing, because I don't like getting wet. I wear my hair long and get it cut once or twice a year, because the faff is mind-numbing (fortunately it's naturally curly and kinf does its own thing). Even changing clothes is a pain in the tits.

I am genuinely baffled by people who find things like spa days / manicures / massages etc relaxing. They're my idea of hell.

I mean, obviously I do shower and wear clothes etc because I'm self-aware enough to realise that they're necessary in civilised society, but I wish they weren't.

You're not alone, OP.

This is all very familiar. For a long time I resisted an ADHD diagnosis because I didn't want to jump on the bandwagon of the latest trendy illness or condition, but certain symptoms made it impossible to ignore (stimulants such as caffeine send me to sleep. As a teenager taking speed calmed me rather than wound me up) so I've ended up accepting it. While I (at the moment) refuse to medicate, accepting that it's not 'all mt fault' has relieved some of the self-disgust. Get yourself checked, you may be surprised. You don't have to label yourself but going towards some self-acceptance is helpful.

I feel like this, though less than I used to. Get a waterproof bluetooth speaker (there are cheap ones on amazon) and distract yourself with a podcast or audiobook while you shower. I also like having a 'minimal expectations' version of showering and tooth-brushing, where you tell yourself you're just going to get in, get wet, and soap the important parts, but then sometimes once you're in it's actually fairly easy to keep going and do a hairwash and full scrub. This one sounds silly but I also like saying "Showering - never as bad as you think" when I get out of the shower, sometimes to my partner, sometimes to myself, like a radio jingle. I think I have actually finally convinced myself that showering really isn't ever as bad as you think, and it makes me laugh..

I am the same. I really struggle with any sort of basic maintenance and self care.
With showering/washing hair etc, it is a sensory thing. I have to wear gloves when I wash my hair as I can't stand them being wet.
I wear the same stuff all the time, until it walks itself to the washing machine. And I don't have a summer/winter wardrobe... I just wear the same all year round. Buying clothing is impossible unless it is something simple like socks.
My house the same too. It is a shithole.
Everything just seems so complex and my brain can't seem to see each task as an isolated one. They are all linked. People can say "oh, just put some music on and brush your teeth"... but what music? My radio is in the kitchen and a bit greasy, so I better clean that first. Oh, I ran out of cleaning stuff so will need to go out and buy some first. I can't go out because I need to shower... but I have no clean clothes and it is silly putting dirty clothing on a clean body. Oh, and I need to brush my teeth. Arg.... it is so frustrating. One time, my excuse for not having a shower was that I needed to clean my fridge. It was linked! (several steps inbetween).
I have tried making lists, and I have tried apps like Finch. They do not work for me.
The only thing I do look after properly is my dog.

Yes, this is me. I always assumed it was a sensory/transition thing related to my autism but maybe not if it’s what NT also do.

Hi hate brushing my teeth it’s such a chore I only do it in the morning oops

Also Google executive function.