To want to tell friend how her son has treated my daughter…

Both of them need to be a little more mature. She's an adult, going clubbing. If she wants to do that she needs to be able to get herself home without relying on a man.

'Escort her home'

Ive heard it all now. Is her bodyguard or something

Keep out-of it I remember being that age andxgetting my heart broken on more than one occasion, I would have been horrified if my mum had got involved my oldest is nearly 18 they are very young and just finding out about relationships.

It's all crazy and immature. Fighting the urge to tell your friend about something that is not a thing is weird. They were never official so I dont understand the drama- all sounds like one sided affection

You're calling female bashing while simultaneously saying your daughter is incapable of getting herself home (calling a taxi - you never go on a night out spending money on alcohol without making sure you have money for a taxi home) without a man.

You are the one that has failed your daughter here. She's naive because you let her be. Sending her off to university without preparing her to get home safely on her own after a night out is not any 18 year old man's fault. She's fawning all over a boy and isn't making any friends because he's her support network, that's not on him either. He's 18 at uni doing what 18 year olds at uni do.

Let's be clear he did not put her in the situation he isn't responsible for her .

That's a very important lesson she needs to have. You always have in your head how am I getting myself there and back safely. Plan A, B, C.

It is exceptionally naive to not consider it your friend hooks up, male or female how I get home.

You need to be more supportive of your daughter. She's going to be even more devastated when she finds out everyone knew but her. And yes, of course you should tell your friend how you really feel. Support your daughter fgs.

"There is a lot of female bashing on this thread, and a lot of excuses being made for shitty male behaviour"

Agreed. And of course you're right to be upset and worried for your daughter. I'm astonished at some of the reactions here.

I've done worse to my friends on a night out.

It's shitty behaviour and I felt bad, but if their mum spoke to my mum I'd just be embarrassed for them

i would be fine with my son doing this, because he hasn't done anything wrong.

Your daughter is 18, not a child. And you are far too over involved. Get a hobby and let her get on with living her life and expierencing adulthood

he’s clearly a fuckboy. He’s probably trying to flaunt his looks and get sex. He’s not the problem. You’re still codling your daughter. What’s the purpose? Tell him off to his mum so she forces him to be with your daughter? Tell your daughter the facts. He’s not into her, will never be and she doesn’t have to waste her life/time headspace over this. That’s what you should be encouraging. You should be telling her that she’s smart, and she’s gotta great future ahead of her but a smart woman doesn’t believe every word a man straight man says. She needs to be clear and have boundaries and communicate her boundaries. If a man crosses them, than ghost and block.

Did what?

Fancied her, then went off her? Thats life, we've all been there and experienced it on both ends. Thats the nature of human attraction and emotions

Went home on his own after a night out? So what was her back up plan in case of changes of circumstance, she could also have gone to the friends house and called a cab or you from there, you're not answering this point

Why are you so keen to make her a victim, that is not emotionally healthy, I hope you're not giving her those messages to internalise.

I agree with you about the escort home - if he promised, he should’ve seen her home safely. But he’s an 18 year old lad away for the first time. He’s likely immature, excited and probably wanting to party at bit. Which is what you should be encouraging your dd to do. You’re psychologically putting a lot of expectation into a young man barely out of school, who owes your dd nothing.

What, that he doesn't fancy your daughter, or that he failed to walk her home from a night out?

If someone is taking a year to get towards being an official boyfriend it's never getting there. He may have led your daughter on, she may have misinterpreted his action, either way I think you have both been naive about his intentions.

Can you go and see her so she doesn't find out and feel she has no support?

OP, she's off at university, and is in a mental mix-up with a friendship she thought was the beginning of a romance but that has turned out not to be for reasons that neither of you can be sure about. By all means be supportive by phone, but you need to take a step back, and not get involved either in this or in how she gets home from nights out. Get her to download one of the taxi apps with a card on so she always has access to a way home, solo or not. With the best will in the world, when people are newly at university, experimenting with alcohol and/or drugs and living away from home, etc, arrangements about getting home will sometimes fall through, whether someone has vanished to a rave in a field or fallen asleep in someone's bed at a party. These things happen.

It is NONE of your business!

By focusing on him you are not enabling her to move on.

I have sons and I wouldn't be delighted about this - the not walking home that is. However I also have a daughter and I would have been cross that she didn't get an uber or called a cab in that situation.

I wouldn't say anything to your friend. Teenage boys are immature, teenage relationships are messy. I'm not excusing his poor behaviour but I'd keep out of it. I'd have been appalled if my mum was getting involved in my relationships at 18. Your DD will recover

I agree with this. They are 18, they will make mistakes.. he is a young lad probably driven by his hormones. He never actually promised your dd anything and they weren't in a relationship. It's unfortunate that she was hoping for more and unkind of her best friend to move in on him if she knew how your dd felt, but you really can't get involved. What do you expect your friend to say?
At this age emotions run high and unfortunately getting your heartbroken is all part of navigating adult relationships. It happens to all of us at some point in our late teens/early twenties.

Very hard OP to know and not say anything.

Lovely friend or not, I certainly wouldn't want to be around her.
Her son has behaved badly and put your daughter at risk.

I certainly wouldn't be sitting listening to how fab he and life is for him.
No thanks.

I would be busy and unavailable until such time as I got my annoyance under control, if I was indeed able to.

This is very delicate but having spent a good deal of time around 18 year olds fresh off the Uni bus, they don’t all behave with decorum.
He’s probably enjoyed the attention from your daughter because it’s lovely for his ego.
Now he’s possibly meeting up with her friend and having a fine old time.
He is being an idiot if he thinks that won’t affect your DD, but it’s standard behaviour I am afraid for lots of kids at this age.
Of course he is ringing home and telling his mum he’s having a ball - because he is!
Your DD is not for many reasons but please don’t hang a hat on him for that.
Your DD would be so better off making some new friends as well, pursuing her own interests and just in general widening her experiences. She’s pretty new it’s only been a few weeks, OP. Sadly, as a parent you can’t prevent your daughter from being treated poorly but you can’t help build her resilience.
You can speak to your friend without mentioning the situation imploding by simply telling her your DD is struggling to settle in. Please don’t bring her DS into it.
At that age, I was such a romantic and the only I way I learned was through heartbreak and having to get over it.
As for DD’s female friend, she’s free to do as she wishes but she clearly knows your DD is very attached to this boy.
Just be there if she wants to talk.