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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not ask the bride to approve my outfit for the wedding

187 replies

Cupcakemum79 · 07/10/2024 10:22

Well basically this.. apparently all the other friends and family have sent her pictures of what the were planning to wear for her wedding. She made some scathing remarks about her sister in law who wanted to buy a dress she would also be able to wear after the wedding. Apparently that's shameful behaviour, just like wearing a black dress. Also, not realising that I am now also a size 14, she was very insulting about the fact that her sister in law thought that wearing shapewear might make the dress she wanted suitable (of course she didn't get to buy that, but instead had to buy what was deemed suitable buy the bride 'for her size'.

I should say, that me and 2 other friends were regarded by her as 'like bridesmaids' but not officially... well that also means we are expected to be at her house at 8 in the morning on the wedding day watching her get dressed, make up, hair done etc. But even after spending a lot of time and money organising her hen's do (well 2 days actually instead of 1 to accommodate her sister in law, we are expected to organise and pay for our own hair dresser. How we are going to fit in if we have to spend the entire morning a her house I don't know. Also we are not invited to dinner, only the parents and the witnesses.

So I guess the fact that she now expects to approve my outfit just grates with me. Feels like she has one a bit bridezilla to me.

Also - there are no dress rules on the invitation and last year she still said that we should just wear what we like.. (guess that has changed(

So am I unreasonable?
YES you are being unreasonable - this is her wedding and it's normal that she wants to make sure everyone wears something that fits her idea of the wedding.
NO - you are not being unreasonable and this sounds a bit bridezilla

OP posts:
Dotto · 07/10/2024 10:32

Her actions indicate that she doesn't like you very much, you're only there for the photos presumably. Not even getting fed! Fuck that.

KnottedTwine · 07/10/2024 10:32

I have been to dozens of weddings over the decades and have never, ever been asked to run what I intend wearing past the bride. Not even when my sister got married.

Pixiewombat · 07/10/2024 10:31

A couple of people wore black to my wedding as they wanted to have more use out of the clothes. I didn't disappear in a puff of smoke.

This sounds all a bit controlling.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 07/10/2024 10:31

Get some self respect and tell Bridezilla you'll be too busy to attend.

Ridiculous that you'd allow anyone to treat you like that.

Surely no-one's that desperate for friends?

Cyclistmumgrandma · 07/10/2024 10:31

Don't get it approved! Nothing wrong with wearing something you can wear again. Son just got married. Him in highly posh military formal uniform, only allowed for his wedding or meeting royalty, bride in traditional (expensive) wedding dress... Her mother in nice dress she could wear again, me in velvet jumpsuit second hand from Vinted. Only compliments from happy couple on both our outfits! Wear what you a) can afford, and b) feel comfortable in.

speedmop · 07/10/2024 10:30

You need new “friends” OP

speedmop · 07/10/2024 10:30

ah a classic mumsnet wedding scenario

horrible bride
bitchiness
no one seems to like one another let alone love one another
and no doubt a pretty ghastly wedding to boot

shudder

Darby3785 · 07/10/2024 10:29

I've never sent a photo to a bride to be on what I'm planning to wear to her wedding.

If you're a "bridesmaid" then you should have been included in the official wedding party and not put on the outside like a reserve!

Sounds controlling and very much the actions of a bridezilla!

What would be the consequences of not going to the wedding? I'd be tempted to not go if a friend was treating me this way! It is too much hard work!

Allfur · 07/10/2024 10:29

She sounds unhinged

Roryno · 07/10/2024 10:28

Movinghouseatlast · 07/10/2024 10:26

I think it sounds like you don't like this woman at all. If you dislike someone, don't be their 'bridesmaid'.

There doesn’t sound like there is much to like, does there! Definitely a bridezilla.

everythingcrossed · 07/10/2024 10:26

I enjoy a wedding but this sounds too much like hard work. Either brazen it out and refuse to get outfit approval or don't go. It sounds as if you will lose this "friend" whichever option you choose.

Movinghouseatlast · 07/10/2024 10:26

I think it sounds like you don't like this woman at all. If you dislike someone, don't be their 'bridesmaid'.

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