To not ask the bride to approve my outfit for the wedding

This is outrageous! All the bride should be worrying about is what she is wearing. I can't remember what my guests wore to my wedding 9 years ago - all l cared about was that they had made the effort to be there!

I recently posted on here about worrying if my outfit was suitable for an autumn wedding. The bride stated she would like guests to wear red/orange/yellow/green/brown. My outfit was navy and l couldn't afford to buy a new one...Well, l went to the wedding on Saturday and my outfit was fine! Many guests hadn't really followed the dress code, even her father wasn't in 'autumnal' colours. It didn't seem to affect her happiness or enjoyment of the day!

I would seriously go in whatever you want and sod getting it 'approved!'

I asked one of my closest friends what I should wear as I was aware she wasn't wearing the traditional 'white dress' but something colourful and modern and was keeping her outfit secret so didn't want to wear similar by accident. She said she didn't care what we wore really.

I think thats the only time I ever asked, as an adult I'm capable of dressing myself so it never crossed my mind to ask.

A good rule of thumb is to compliment the invite colors as thats usually the wedding colors, dress nice (somewhere between office wear and cocktail wear) but don't over dress (its not a red carpet where you show off).

If you follow that I find it hard to go wildly wrong. I follow those rules and have always been fine it seems. I don't think I would deal well with a bridezilla, I just wouldn't go.

She is steeping into bridezilla mode here.
The only time I sent a picture was to make sure I (as the grooms mum) hadn't got the same dress as brides mum. Lo and behold we had. picked the same thing in different colours. So I took mine back and swapped for a different dress.
Both mums similar size and shape and taste in clothes

Well then just don't have two cars available on the day.
Treat this as a moment/month/season of madness from her (to be indulgent and charitable) and tell her now that you won't be able to make it to her house in the morning due to (childcare or other issues) and you're looking forward to seeing her at the ceremony. Tell her you'd hate for her to give you even another moment's thought and it will all be lovely, and you'll all look lovely and that she is the main focus, not anyone else.
And really just don't play along with her any longer.

this is hilarious. please lead her on by either telling her you don't know (lots of people don't until the day!) or by sending photos of awful stuff.

They’ve already had the photos done?! …Is that a thing now? l literally have heard it all now. I can’t believe you are contemplating attending this shit show with this batshit CF, really I can’t! I wouldn’t go, no way - I would be telling her, you are currently infected with the bridezilla virus and it’s not pretty, phone when you have recovered (in a year or two…)

@Cupcakemum79

So it is a small wedding on the cheap that she is trying to make seem a much bigger wedding at everyone else's expense.

I would be wearing what I wanted, and I would not be going to her house before, I doubt I would even go to any part of the wedding.

Have you reached out to the SIL to make sure she is okay as bridezilla was really out of order, she cannot comment on what someone else wears unless she pays for it.

Looks like she wants an Instagram wedding without the funds to do it.

Thank you for clarifiying.

If I was the OP I think I would pass up this lovely invitation and do something else.

You obviously no longer fitted into the box the bride thought you should.
You probably looked amazing.
Well done you for shedding off an insecure and nasty 'friend.'

She has to go and have dinner with her family somewhere and then circle back for a flipping dessert buffet?!

Assume that's so she can help tidy up or other menial tasks the bride doesn't want to be bothered with.

I would have to say something. I think that your long term friendship will be affected by thIs behaviour because even if she reverts to the person you knew, you will still remember how she treated you, and could potentially do again.

Mine was similar and so was my sister's. Such a good day. Decided in March we wanted to set the date, married in June.

Also adding to my comment it’s not easy pulling away and it broke my heart having to say no to being a friends chief bridesmaid but she treated me awful, wanted me to pay for her hen do and asked me to pay for the wedding cars. She said she was having a breakfast in the morning with her family, I was invited along as she wanted us to be there with a couple other bridesmaids but she couldn’t pay for our meal so can we bring our own food.

you can’t control her bridezilla behaviour, but you can absolutely control your reaction to it. Do you want to be a mug?

I'm trying to get past you being a close enough friend to pay for her hen do but you aren't invited to dinner.

If she wants a small wedding with dinner with just family afterwards, that is absolutely fine, but she shouldn't have let you organise and pay for her hen do, because that is rude and bizarre.

No I would not ask her to approve my outfit ahead of time because I am an adult, not a child.

She is going to be so embarrassed in a couple of years when she looks back on this.

Odd to shell out money for a wedding planner, then do everything on the cheap. like no bridesmaids, a tiny dinner together etc. Maybe the 'wedding planner' is more of a 'budget manager' and her budget is quite small. Perhaps guilt or embarrassment about not being able to fund the usual wedding expectations has made her try to control the 'free' aspects of the wedding. She didn't want to fork out for bridesmaids dresses, so next best thing is to ensure her 'bridesmaids/ friends' dresses co-ordinate in some way?

Honestly, brides and weddings, who knew they could be so horrible?

They can only be so horrible because people like you and your mates encourage the horrible behaviour, by going along with it and not speaking up.

Your own choices.

Sorry OP I think YABU! I think YABU to spend so much money and allow someone to tread all over you like this.

I can’t wrap my head around being a bridesmaid, but not officially, being asked to pay for everything but then having to disappear for the dinner and return in the evening

I have pulled out of 2 close friends weddings due to bridezilla behaviour. Weddings are a good way to work out who is truly a mate or who treats you like a mug

She might be your friend, but you're not hers.
Take the hint, you're an evening guest with benefits.

It does sound like your weight loss made her feel insecure! Not a real friend but sorry you had to find out the way you did!

Bride sounds awful. The entitlement is obscene.

I can't work out the dynamics of this at all.. so you are going to the ceremony, but not the dinner and then to a party afterwards? It all sounds very odd

I’m can’t believe you are being so wet about this. I had a friend who I liked a lot. She was easy relatively easy going and fun to be around.

During her wedding planning she got worse and worse, until I said “G, you are making everyone’s lives difficult, stressful and expensive, for what should be a happy event.” She went ballistic, I stepped down as a bridesmaid, and didn’t attend the wedding (2 of us did this), the others just rolled over and kept letting her abuse them.

A few months after, she reached out to me and partly apologised. I assumed it had just been temporary Bridezilla fever, and gave her a chance. Turned out she was pregnant and started talking about her baby shower etc and sounded just as awful as she had been about her wedding and hen do.

I knew I needed to cut the “friendship” off and I told her that she had changed beyond recognition and I didn’t feel we had anything in common anymore. I’m sure she thinks I behaved appallingly, but I’ve never looked back (this was about 8 years ago!)

It was quite a bold floral pattern big flowers so I think even if it had appeared white the print would have made it look non bridal? I thought it was a perfect summer wedding guest dress but I was clearly wrong ! I don’t think I looked better that the bride at all but at the hen party a month before she seemed really off with me (we had been friends since uni) I’d been away abroad for 16 months and in that time had lost 5 stone and had more confidence as had always been quite overweight and frumpy and when she saw me she just seemed horrified said I looked ‘unwell’ and was really off then at the wedding the dress issue just made me think no we’ve all moved on here and this isn’t a real friendship now and I haven’t spoken to her since

When did weddings get so ridiculous? Ok, I've been married a loooong time but mine went like this -

Hen night - out to a local pub with friends a week before the day.

Stag night - ditto (different pub)

My dress and bridesmaid s dresses made by a dressmaker in the village.

Reception in the village hall. Catering done by mums and aunties. Bar run by dad and uncles. We did hire a disco.

Wonderful, happy day with our nearest and dearest. No dramas over what anyone wore. Never gave it any thought.

The amounts spent and the 'rules' these days sound miserable.

OP, wear what you like and feel comfortable in. Going on statistics the marriage probably won't last anyway.