To not ask the bride to approve my outfit for the wedding

As pp said she wants you as bridesmaids but doesn't want to pay for them. In your shoes I'd tell her that the only hair appointment you could get means you can't make hers in the morning. Whether you actually have your hair done is up to you. Go to the ceremony and reception (I assume you'll be chucked out when the bridal party have their meal). Then go out for a meal with your friends and partners and don't return.

Is it midweek to save costs as well? I imagine food & drink at the reception might be absent as well so be prepared. Sounds like she would have been much better off eloping.

If the bride pays for the BM dressers then she gets a say, imo.

Otherwise not. I would certainly buy something I could wear again if I wasn't a bridesmaid! What on earth is an unofficial bridesmaid?!

If you are not:

• the hairstylist
• the makeup artist
• the photographer
• an “official” bridesmaid
• the parent of the bride

you do not belong at the bride’s house while she gets ready. The end.

Am I the only one being difficult or angry about this?

Oh come on, you're milking this now OP.

How many replies do you want before you start listening?

My two SILs and all their children wore the bridesmaids colours at our wedding. I didn't know they were going to and I was surprised at the time. I don't think that their intentions were malicious, though.

It made no difference to me or to the day. DH and I still got married and everyone enjoyed themselves.

Exactly this

The only reason to show a bride what you are wearing to a wedding is to say 'Oh, look at the lovely thing I'll be wearing'.

There is no way I would be entertaining any of this 'getting the bride's approval on my outfit' nonsense. She isn't buying it and I am not a bridesmaid. As long as I'm not coming in a bikini/hot pants combo or a white dress, it is absolutely fuck all to do with her.

Alongside the rest of the things you mention, I would not be attending at all.

so yes actually I usually like her very much and we do get on well

Baffling. Completely baffling

Ridiculous, I'm getting married and I'm not asking any of this rubbish.

I'm not paying for hair or make up because they can do their own as far as I'm concerned. They chose own dresses too, not seen them even. I haven't a clue what people are wearing, that's their choice

It's revolting behaviour. You can choose to feed it, ignore it or reject it. I wouldn't want to indulge any of them ever again TBH, and if you only meet up a couple of times a year it's no great loss eh?

Seems to me she wants you 3 really to be bridesmaids but doesn't want pay for it and all that goes with it....so she's therefore trying to control what you wear. Bridezilla on a budget. Up to you how much you want to play along with this.

What the hell. Bridesmaids should be invited to the dinner at the minimum, I hate this new trend of not inviting half your guests to dinner but still wanting to make sure you get presents from everyone, if you ain't feeding me, I'm not going. Like you said it takes the whole day to get up early, get ready etc, and we have to spend money on outfits/accessories/shoes/ and a hen do by the sounds of it. Just wear what you want, she'll be too distracted on the day to care

I honestly think simple and dignified and celebratory is the way to go.

Another thing that has changed is the idea of the bride as Queen Bee. Yes, it was always about celebrating the marriage and of course bride and groom are at the heart of that; but it was a day for family and friends as well. This whole “ MY big day” thing is a complete perversion of the spirit of a wedding.

Honestly, she’s so busy with all of the wedding guff, do you really think she’s going to be focused on you? Just rock up.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Craziness!

FFS OP are you listening to us? Pull out of it!!

Whatever you do, don't overly waste cash on a present as this is all about the wedding not the marriage so it's highly likely to crash fairly soonish

When did asking guests what they are wearing/telling them what not to wear become a thing?

The last wedding I went to to invitation specifically said not to wear white (obvious) or navy blue.

@Cupcakemum79 definitely you'll want to wear it again. Burgundy, plum, dark blue, dark green would all be good for autumn/winter.
I wore a black dress to my mates wedding and I got told I looked nice. Nobody seemed to bat an eyelid. But then again she wasn't a total bridezilla!

How could you like anyone so awful!

I agree don’t be her bridesmaid or friend, she deserves neither!

They have already done the wedding photos?
Say what? That’s just bonkers.
Honestly the whole thing sounds like a bloody nightmare.
Buy what you want to wear, turn up to the ceremony when you and DH are ready and go to the party in the evening. Smile and hand over your gift. That’s it.
If she takes issue with any of the above she’s an absolute CF.

The good thing OP is that you get to choose being treated like shit or not. I would just say no. Not coming in the morning, I have an appointment with my hairdresser. Why are you all trying to please her in every way when she spends a lot of money and doesn't even invite you to the dinner!!! It's outrageous. I think I would be "sick" the day of her wedding tbh. Then you don't even need to buy a dress. She's a cf for sure.

And yes I would have liked to buy something I can wear again later, not the long gala dresses she is now expecting...

Don't do this. Wear the dress you want, and if what you are wearing is more important than your presence it says more about her than you. Besides, if the wedding photos have already been done why does it matter to her what you are wearing?

Or - buy the dress she wants you to wear and tell her that unfortunately you spent what you would have spent on a gift on another dress.

And why does she need "help" on the morning of her wedding?