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AIBU?

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Original poster

How much do you need to earn for 3 kids?

581 replies

Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 07/10/2024 09:58

When you don’t live in London and have very average expenses?

for arguments sake, I googled and saw the average mortgage is £1400
average heating for 4/5 people is £200 a month (British Gas website)

assume no ‘bad debts’ and no private school

id love another kid, if possible, but I do see on here often on the cost of a third and that being a large factor, so I’d like to understand what is the amount people think you need to earn pre tax to live comfortably with 3.

OP posts:
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toopytoo · 07/10/2024 17:59

Surely the difference in costs from 2 children to 3, is minimal really.

If you have a frugal lifestyle maybe, but if you holiday abroad, require childcare, are over the threshold for max loans for university, want them to go on school trips, want them to do extra curriculars, it'll all add up. Our high school trips are £1000 per child, I want my children to have that opportunity. Much of that is discretionary which is why OP needs to consider the lifestyle she wants for her family first and foremost.

toopytoo · 07/10/2024 17:56

I think it’s a different scenario as a single parent though, it’s all on you.

I know it's depressing but I do think it's worth considering how you'd cope as a single parent whether due to divorce or death, I know that's morbid, but something to consider as going up to 3 makes that more challenging. Also the risk of something going wrong or health issues, additional needs, of course that can happen with any pregnancy but the risk now is you have 2 other children to consider.

Original poster
Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 07/10/2024 17:54

speedmop · 07/10/2024 17:52

£99 spent on 12 year old dd’s winter coat this afternoon

i used to be able to pick one up for tenner off FB marketplace!

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What brand is that?

i don’t even spend that on my own winter coat?

OP posts:
Oblomov24 · 07/10/2024 17:54

Surely the difference in costs from 2 children to 3, is minimal really.

speedmop · 07/10/2024 17:52

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 07/10/2024 17:50

What I’ll say - and I can’t give a figure, but we have 3 who are now young adults and a teenager - is that the early years and the later years are the tortuous ones financially. Primary school age is the cheapest. Having 3 teenagers who want to go into higher education can be breathtakingly expensive. As is giving them a decent standard of living (breadth of experience being more important in my view than the latest gadget, but even the basics x 3 is hugely costly).

£99 spent on 12 year old dd’s winter coat this afternoon

i used to be able to pick one up for tenner off FB marketplace!

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 07/10/2024 17:50

What I’ll say - and I can’t give a figure, but we have 3 who are now young adults and a teenager - is that the early years and the later years are the tortuous ones financially. Primary school age is the cheapest. Having 3 teenagers who want to go into higher education can be breathtakingly expensive. As is giving them a decent standard of living (breadth of experience being more important in my view than the latest gadget, but even the basics x 3 is hugely costly).

Original poster
Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 07/10/2024 17:50

speedmop · 07/10/2024 17:47

Personally, I have a higher income and i am only one single parent (two children) and i would not be able to spend as i do now if i had a third child.

But you have different outgoings and seem very confident that can afford it… so really i can’t see anything stopping you!

all the best!

I think it’s a different scenario as a single parent though, it’s all on you.

i think i can, I’ve done the maths, at least I think and it seems sufficient but this is where I worry I’ve missed something

thanks for your well wishes ps check out magic breaks in nov for dlp offers

OP posts:
MotherOfCrocodiles · 07/10/2024 17:48

Hm well the main expense for ours is about to be £200k to get a 4th bedroom Shock expensive area....

speedmop · 07/10/2024 17:48

Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 07/10/2024 17:45

Exactly… I’ve been known to borrow worry sometimes it’s nice for me to suss If my worries are valid

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only you and your dh can truthfully answer that and it would appear you have so go for it!

speedmop · 07/10/2024 17:47

Personally, I have a higher income and i am only one single parent (two children) and i would not be able to spend as i do now if i had a third child.

But you have different outgoings and seem very confident that can afford it… so really i can’t see anything stopping you!

all the best!

Original poster
Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 07/10/2024 17:45

speedmop · 07/10/2024 17:40

So DH thinks he’s go for it
and you’re just sussing out the finances?

if that’s the case, this thread demonstrates that you very much think affordable so go for it! 😊

Exactly… I’ve been known to borrow worry sometimes it’s nice for me to suss If my worries are valid

OP posts:
Original poster
Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 07/10/2024 17:43

speedmop · 07/10/2024 17:39

I have one child on 15 funded hrs who does 4 days in nursery and one child who has full wrap 2 days a week, fees went up for the first time in 7 years. And it’s £650 a month before TF childcare.
eldest is in school.

and presumably work from home to have such minimal childcare?

Edited
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they’re out of the house 4 days a week. Eldest plays at neighbours til 4:30 in exchange for us taking her to dance on the weekend.

i do hybrid dh does too

OP posts:
speedmop · 07/10/2024 17:40

So DH thinks he’s go for it
and you’re just sussing out the finances?

if that’s the case, this thread demonstrates that you very much think affordable so go for it! 😊

speedmop · 07/10/2024 17:39

Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 07/10/2024 17:36

My mum does stay with us one week over summer hols.

we both do 10 in 9 so we get a lieu day which is helpful.

im a worrier money wise, so whilst I think it should be fine as does dh, I do worry I’m missing something, esp as I love my holidays

I have one child on 15 funded hrs who does 4 days in nursery and one child who has full wrap 2 days a week, fees went up for the first time in 7 years. And it’s £650 a month before TF childcare.
eldest is in school.

and presumably work from home to have such minimal childcare?

Original poster
Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 07/10/2024 17:36

My mum does stay with us one week over summer hols.

we both do 10 in 9 so we get a lieu day which is helpful.

im a worrier money wise, so whilst I think it should be fine as does dh, I do worry I’m missing something, esp as I love my holidays

OP posts:
speedmop · 07/10/2024 17:31

both full time…. presumably wfh or family help with childcare?

OP… you clearly think you can afford a third comfortably. Have you started this thread because your DH doesn’t agree?

Original poster
Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 07/10/2024 17:26

speedmop · 07/10/2024 16:22

do you both work full time?

Edited

yes but on 10 in 9 basis

OP posts:
Original poster
Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 07/10/2024 17:24

JaninaDuszejko · 07/10/2024 16:56

How is your income split? One earner with a SAHP will need to earn much more than two workers to take home the same amount. I'd say you have plenty for 3DC but you'll need to make choices. But it's all about how you cut your cloth and what expenses are worthwhile to you and which you can economise on.

Dh earns about 10k more than me

OP posts:
Original poster
Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 07/10/2024 17:23

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 07/10/2024 16:31

It’s not what everyone has but what one thinks one would need with the assumption of very average expenses, that’s different.

But nobody can come up with a figure for that because it requires too many assumptions and a person's attitude to risk. I am very risk averse but I'd rather have two healthy children and loads of savings than just about be able to afford three. What if one of you is made redundant/becomes long term ill/the third child has disabilities that will affect your working?

And I'm surprised that you're only saving £50 a month per child, by the time they're old enough to drive that will pay for about one driving lesson a month. And I'm not convinced you'll get enough from a stocks and shares ISA from just paying in CB to pay for Uni. In fact I'm surprised you get CB, from your outgoings I assumed your income would be higher.

And their CB, opened with £1k, after 15 years it’s about 20k not included growth

its about 1400 a year which x 21k

OP posts:
TheaBrandt · 07/10/2024 17:20

We stopped at two thank god we did! Teens are expensive! Then there’s the university fees…

Original poster
Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 07/10/2024 17:19

speedmop · 07/10/2024 16:12

what do you do for all the other childcare needed?

how old is your eldest?

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What other childcare do you mean sorry?

my eldest does 2/3 weeks in club over the summer and it’s £25 a day but that’s the only additional childcare we have :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 07/10/2024 17:16

speedmop · 07/10/2024 17:02

You’re not going to tell us how for family of 4 you got

a 5* AI holiday
and
Disneyland Paris
and
Centre parcs

for £4.5k are you?!

Sorry, my internet went down.

so my 5* was a last minute deal with tui, we went to turkey and paid £2.6k. My DLP break we self drove, and got a magic breaks deal for £800. Cp did a CP eu and self drove also £800. All in all a few pennies above 4.5k

OP posts:
Grinchinlaws · 07/10/2024 17:11

I’m pregnant with dc3 and feel like we will just about be able to afford it in the expensive nursery years.

monthly net pay: £11k
mortgage: 3.5k
childcare and kids activities: 3k
bills and holiday savings: 2k
regular savings: 2k
flex: £500

This is for state primary and a nanny btw.

speedmop · 07/10/2024 17:02

You’re not going to tell us how for family of 4 you got

a 5* AI holiday
and
Disneyland Paris
and
Centre parcs

for £4.5k are you?!

JaninaDuszejko · 07/10/2024 16:56

How is your income split? One earner with a SAHP will need to earn much more than two workers to take home the same amount. I'd say you have plenty for 3DC but you'll need to make choices. But it's all about how you cut your cloth and what expenses are worthwhile to you and which you can economise on.