Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much do you need to earn for 3 kids?

581 replies

Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 07/10/2024 09:58

When you don’t live in London and have very average expenses?

for arguments sake, I googled and saw the average mortgage is £1400
average heating for 4/5 people is £200 a month (British Gas website)

assume no ‘bad debts’ and no private school

id love another kid, if possible, but I do see on here often on the cost of a third and that being a large factor, so I’d like to understand what is the amount people think you need to earn pre tax to live comfortably with 3.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Thread gallery
5
Asmallburp · 11/09/2026 14:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Asmallburp · 11/09/2026 14:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Veritypls · 16/06/2026 07:20

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 31/01/2026 19:23

Ah I just found out im pregnant! No ivf needed in the end.

job interview for a promo next week too!

ahhh

OP posts:
Roaden · 05/12/2025 07:58

We couldn’t have done it on that income without very big changes. None of which we would have wanted to make.

it is all very personal and family dependent.

Stillpresent · 02/12/2025 14:31

No I categorically wouldn’t have gone for 3 on that salary and nor with those arrangements (the two parents wfh in the conservatory, kids around, family member dependent etc) .

However you have done the sums, and clearly it works for your family given your expenditure so good luck and enjoy the lovely madness of 3!

Headyhead · 01/12/2025 18:34

It would mean us cutting back hugely on that salary with our 3 children, but that would have applied for 2 children too for us, but yes - it is doable. Surely there are lots of families with 3 children that do it on that salary at less.

Original poster
Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 01/12/2025 14:34

Throatsore · 01/12/2025 13:56

Baffling then that both of you decided to go!

Edited

i was pushed to go (non Muslim parents)

DH went for the lifestyle which heavily heavily backfired

OP posts:
Throatsore · 01/12/2025 13:56

Baffling then that both of you decided to go!

Original poster
Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 01/12/2025 13:49

Throatsore · 01/12/2025 13:35

I’m really confused!

i thought you said you and dh came from different cultures from each other and his was against going away for uni.

yours was too?

Show quote history

cultures yes Faith no…

but the reason it was so bad for us was because basically of the ‘haram’ as we’d say. I’m trying to be a bit obtuse because I don’t want this to derail into a faith based discussion

OP posts:
Throatsore · 01/12/2025 13:35

Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 01/12/2025 13:24

Because some of it is quite personal and it was all things that went hugely against our faith and that’s why it was so bad for us

Show quote history

I’m really confused!

i thought you said you and dh came from different cultures from each other and his was against going away for uni.

yours was too?

Original poster
Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 01/12/2025 13:24

Throatsore · 01/12/2025 13:19

And my point about you not being negative about it was because you hated the experience, nothing to do with culture or faith as you said that was the case for your husband

Because some of it is quite personal and it was all things that went hugely against our faith and that’s why it was so bad for us

OP posts:
Throatsore · 01/12/2025 13:19

And my point about you not being negative about it was because you hated the experience, nothing to do with culture or faith as you said that was the case for your husband

Throatsore · 01/12/2025 13:18

Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 01/12/2025 13:04

It’s not negativity it’s a faith based values and it is rare for Muslim kids to move away for uni.

as I said I came from a different community.

but there is a lump sum available or there will be. How that works in practice, may manifest differently. We may end up selling my late GMs house to buy one in the university town they attend. Who can tell

Show quote history

Yes so I’m surprised that your husband went away in the first place!

Original poster
Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 01/12/2025 13:04

Throatsore · 01/12/2025 12:57

I am surprised both you went away in the first place then!

But certainly don’t pour negativity over going away to uni to your own children

Show quote history

It’s not negativity it’s a faith based values and it is rare for Muslim kids to move away for uni.

as I said I came from a different community.

but there is a lump sum available or there will be. How that works in practice, may manifest differently. We may end up selling my late GMs house to buy one in the university town they attend. Who can tell

OP posts:
Throatsore · 01/12/2025 12:57

Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 01/12/2025 10:34

So this is a faith based thing and it’s ok if you don’t understand but the drivers are as follows

the partying drinking culture- which is huge, it’s what freshers week is all about
co ed living
there is also living without a guardian (admittedly less of a thing)

I did go away to uni, but I come from a different background to DH. Tbh in those halls was some of the worst times of my life

Show quote history

I am surprised both you went away in the first place then!

But certainly don’t pour negativity over going away to uni to your own children

Original poster
Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 01/12/2025 10:34

Throatsore · 01/12/2025 08:58

What environment?

and you think universities all have the same environment for all groups of students?

Show quote history

So this is a faith based thing and it’s ok if you don’t understand but the drivers are as follows

the partying drinking culture- which is huge, it’s what freshers week is all about
co ed living
there is also living without a guardian (admittedly less of a thing)

I did go away to uni, but I come from a different background to DH. Tbh in those halls was some of the worst times of my life

OP posts:
Throatsore · 01/12/2025 08:59

You didn’t enjoy your experience going away to uni?

Throatsore · 01/12/2025 08:58

Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 01/12/2025 08:57

Probably not because both of us know the environment

Show quote history

What environment?

and you think universities all have the same environment for all groups of students?

Original poster
Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 01/12/2025 08:57

Throatsore · 01/12/2025 07:57

sounds judgey and unsupportive

hopefully if your child wants to trot off to a uni a few hours away (and it’s not oxbridge!) because wants to have a more fuller student experience - then he will remember their lack of support and be fully behind them

Probably not because both of us know the environment

OP posts:
Runnersandtoms · 01/12/2025 08:07

We have 3, never did the maths. Just figured it out as we went. Biggest things that make a difference is needed a people carrier to fit three car seats in, holidays can be problematic because everything is set up for families of 4 (having said that we've nearly always done camping/caravan/self catering). Also I went part time and had grandparent help so never had the full time nursery costs. If you'll be paying nursery fees for 3 years per child that will make a huge difference. At the other end, bear in mind paying for them to go to uni costs an absolute fortune. The one thing I'd have done if we could is to save up in advance for that. We have one away now and second one from next year, will be skint despite having paid off our mortgage.

Throatsore · 01/12/2025 07:57

sounds judgey and unsupportive

hopefully if your child wants to trot off to a uni a few hours away (and it’s not oxbridge!) because wants to have a more fuller student experience - then he will remember their lack of support and be fully behind them

Original poster
Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 01/12/2025 07:47

Throatsore · 01/12/2025 07:36

And I imagine family was disappointed given what you have suggested re culture

Show quote history

I think and this is a generational thing, they were unaware of the situation he found himself in. Then it was very very taboo to have moved away, so mostly they are happy he came back

OP posts:
Throatsore · 01/12/2025 07:39

Holidays with 3 are fab. We always get interconnecting rooms and the 3 of them go in one room or next year I’ve booked a huge suite.

The extra child does actually add on much more than you’d think! 10 days in Ibiza is costing £12.5k and if we just had 2… £8.5k!

Throatsore · 01/12/2025 07:36

Allthegoodnamesaregonegone · 01/12/2025 07:31

It was bless! But making of him really! Think it takes a lot of self awareness at 18 to realise you’re in a bad situation and remove yourself and then take yourself back to school with kids 2 years below you

Show quote history

And I imagine family was disappointed given what you have suggested re culture