Comment at work

He does have a filter: he will never have made any of these comments to his male colleagues.

Good luck, hope they give him a warning. They cannot be unaware of his prior unacceptable behaviour.

Yes and if you’d read my post I said that,

Sexual harassment. You'd be within your rights to report him.

Op was he walking up behind you. A few steps further down? As I do wonder if he has no filter, as if you’re walking up behind someone you are level with their arse. It’s not a typical come on or degrading comment. Unacceptable yes. But more he’s no filter.

In a workplace he needs to learn to have a filter, it’s no excuse whatsoever.

Op was he walking up behind you. A few steps further down? As I do wonder if he has no filter, as if you’re walking up behind someone you are level with their arse. It’s not a typical come on or degrading comment. Unacceptable yes. But more he’s no filter.

I have walked yo the stairs behind people and I always look down or to the side as if I look straight ahead it’s hard not to look at their arse. Even in my head I’m thinking their arse is straight ahead. I’d never ever say it though.

i think you’ve handled it great, and i assume it has triggered some previous trauma as days later yoh still feel sick and can’t eat.

Important to think about intent. And next steps if you go to hr. Hr will keep a record, and speak to him and say it’s not ok to point out he is basically level with your arse.

Well done OP, I would tell my manager as well as HR so if there are any repurcussions you have support.

Well done, OP. Let’s hope this is the beginning of the end of his time sexually harassing women at the company.

I know this is going to be trampled over but…

Is it possible that he could see up your skirt without trying to and he clumsily let you know so you could either avoid going up the stairs with people behind you (go last) or pull your skirt in at the front so it’s against the back of your legs and covering everything.

He shouldn’t have said it because he’s a man. I don’t know if I would tell another woman I had to see regularly that, but I do tell women if their bag / backpack has pulled their skirt up and their arse is on show. They’ve always seemed grateful. I would be.

What a creep. You handled it really well. I doubt he'll do that to you again, but of course he shouldn't have done it in the first place. Horrible man.

he tried to deny it saying that they weren't meant to be taken like that and that he was sorry that it had upset me.

What a bullshit non-apology

Report to HR before he even thinks about trying to make other women feel uncomfortable in the workplace.

Do not ignore his undermining of you - you need to take it seriously and address it face to face. If he says you have done something wrong in a meeting you need to address it there and then in front of everyone. Don't give him an inch. Otherwise he may be building up his own list of 'things you have done wrong'. You need to demonstrate that you will not be bullied. Professionally and politely of course.

Then definitely email HR about what happened. If he decides to try and escalate into bullying, the sooner this is on record, the better.

straight to HR. Start a paper trail.

If he’s not in your team and has no line management responsibility, and if that’s unlikely to change, then you should be fine.

But people do not always handle rejection well, nor being called out on their bad behaviour, and sometimes let their fragile ego dictate their future treatment of a colleague who has had the guts to stand up for themselves. Some can even get quite vindictive and start trying to undermine you to minimise the risk in case you decide to speak up.

Of course that’s not legal, but it does happen and so I would always advise leaving a paper trail of sorts so that if it were to come to it, it doesn’t look like you’re making a spurious claim if you then need to rely on the earlier incident to explain later poor treatment.

You mentioned that he was senior so if he has some power over your position at work and if he has been angered at your standing up for him and if he is vindictive then he might now hold a grudge against you and try to make your life difficult. Hopefully he won't and the matter is closed, but given he is more senior than you, you are more vulnerable in the situation. Logging the incident now allows you to build a strong defence against anything he might do or say about you and if necessary allows you in the future to bring a grievance that is well evidenced. But hopefully it won't come to that. It sounds more like he just tries to get away with what he think he can get away with.

I agree the guy was disgusting and you handled this really well, OP.

Could you contact HR about the incident without mentioning his name? Say that you are doing so to start a record in case of further incidents, in which case you will name him.

Precisely, you have the measure of him here.

Totally up to you whether you report it. Obviously on the one had you should, it’s horrendous behaviour, he knows damn well it is, and unless someone stops him he’ll keep on going. On the other, he’s senior, he was careful to have no witnesses, and if he’s enough of an arsehole to do this then will he deny it and make you out to be the bad guy? Honestly we cannot tell you that, you need to decide what’s right for you. Personally, I would report it, I couldn’t let him get away with that.