To not want to go on Christmas light trail?

🤣🤣

I sometimes think parenting could be an utter blast if I didn’t actually care about my Dc!

In truth op you’d be worried about DS feeling overtired and distressed but it’s a funny thought.

Just suggest some alternatives. Day time would be better at his age.

I can kind of see how they were put out if they were offering to pay.

I'd probably say sorry for not being more enthusiastic. There are loads of things he would love to go to and why don't we start the Christmas tradition with them and then can reintroduce lights when he's older.

It'll be more about them wanting to enjoy a Christmas memory than the lights and if they weren't manhandling him around perhaps it seemed like it all went really well.

Roughly where are you and I'm sure we can make suggestions.

If it's the one at pitlochry then Blair Drummond is really good (although I realise the popularity of these has spread so could now be anywhere!)

I'm all for doing lovely things with family and traditions etc., I just think it's not really fair of the grandparents to insist wholesale it has to be this when OP has very valid reasons why it's too much for DS just now based on past experiences :)

However if they'd rather not do anything at all full stop than do something different to the light trail I'd think they were losing their marbles or there's one heck of a back story here!

This

Well they are now refusing to discuss any Christmas plans, so make the most of that. Make your own plans, and decide what you'll invite PiL to once they're ready to be asked.

Obviously they may just keep sulking all the way to Christmas but if they do, that's their loss. Not your job to manage their childishness.

This is true.

He'll be fine doing it in a couple years when he has a later bedtime and can properly enjoy it. He might not even remember this year's, or last year's.

Why are people so desperate to start new "traditions" around Christmas. It's so fake and pretentious. The only traditions worth having are those that are done every year because everyone enjoys doing them. Doing something just for the sake of it just so you can call it a "tradition" is ridiculous.

I find it quite depressing that grandparents who ostensibly love their grandchild would think their desire to do a thing an hour away that will leave their very young grandchild exhausted is more important than finding something that suits everyone :(

It isn’t. As I said. But the toddler will grow into someone who has (potentially) a nice memory of doing the light trail with his grandparents every year.

It seems unlikely that it went like this:

'OP, shall I get tickets for the lights walk this year?'
'no'
'oh, okay' crickets

'AIBU!?'

lol

I think the tone of the replies here are quite depressing.

Obbiously you're not being unreasonable to decline a suggestion that really isn't going to be enjoyable for your DS. But how did you decline? Did you thank them for the offer, acknowledge how lovely it will be when he's a little older, and enthusiastically suggest an more suitable alternative or two? Or was it just a flat no? If it's the latter, then honestly I'm not surprised they are hurt to be relegated to the position of just another chore to be ticked off. They are his grandparents FFS!

Over the whole of the Christmas season it really doesn't seem much to let your child's grandparents take the lead on a little tradition that is clearly important to them, and will almost certainly become an enjoyable part of your DS's Christmas once he is a little older.

Obviously YANBU! There are some kids who are fine with doing anything at any time (the sort that can stay up late on holiday and it doesn't affect them etc.) but for many kids, their bedtime and wind down routine is important and it would be miserable for everyone to try and override it, especially for something so unimportant. When DC was that age we simply declined anything that took place past his bedtime. With friends who now have similar aged kids, we make sure whatever we organise fits around their bedtime and naps, or it doesn't happen. It's not hard. I always think as an adult would I be okay with someone forcing me to stay up past my bedtime for something I might not even be bothered about? No, it's not fair. Sleep is important.

Your family are making this about them and what they want and that's not acceptable, now they're throwing their toys out of the pram. The way you respond to this will set the tone moving forwards.

It's perfectly okay if they no longer want to discuss Christmas plans. You make your own, do what suits you, and if they change their mind and want to see you you can see whether you can fit in them visiting or including them into what you already have planned. Don't pander and go on this thing. Your kid's wellbeing and comfort is far more important.

Sounds like you have things sussed out realising you'd enjoy a more low key Christmas more. It's got absolutely out of hand over recent years. It's so fascinating watching how everything has to become a massive commercial event now. Christmas has to involve multiple ticketed events every year, not just a quick trip to see Santa in the shopping centre but a multi-hour event with a train ride and crafts and walks lol. Each to their own and it's fine if people like those things and can afford them but bear in mind you don't have to do everything every year. I saw the advice to do one special thing each year so it's special rather than becomes expected and boring. Baking cookies one year, elf on the shelf the next year, a light walk the next, you get the gist.

DH and I went to one last year (Windsor) and really enjoyed it. I could imagine it being a bit hellish with a toddler though!

Could you offer a more toddler friendly alternative? I took my little nephew to the local farm park to see reindeers last year, that was really nice

I took my teen last year and I said never again!

It’s expensive, it poured down with rain, they wanted to whizz around as quickly as possible and we didn’t get our money’s worth.

So I don’t blame you at all. I don’t see why your in laws have to be so sensitive.

These things are always awful. Overpriced for what is essentially a load of glorified fairy lights. Always trying to sell light wands and plastic tat to kids who are like magpies for it. Went to one once, never again. YANBU!

Why is their outing more important than a toddlers comfort and well being?

Or just say he’s too young for it and suggest something else? And suggest that next year he’ll be ready for the light trail?

i agree that they need to think about ds’ needs here, but I do also think that ds might have lovely memories when he gets older even if he doesn’t get as much out of it as a toddler.

Stand your ground, otherwise you will be sucked into doing it every year.

I’m on the fence here. I do think it’s a bit sad, they wanted to do this special thing with ds every Christmas. I know grandparents who’ve done the Santa train each year for example. Also, they’re his grandparents, and you’re putting their Christmas outing in the category of ‘lots of different things with different people in December’. As he grows up, ds could always remember going to the light trail with his grandparents.

I also had one toddler who couldn’t cope at all with a late night though and can see that it would have been a nightmare.

Is there any way to make it more toddler friendly / manageable?

You hold firm and put your child’s needs first.

You draw a line in the sand. Your child comes first, their thoughts on what makes Christmas memorable at the very bottom of the list.

Leave them to stew. They are adults for heavens sake.

If you don’t put some boundaries in now regarding your son’s comfort and safety, then you can expect to raise a child that is a people pleaser and puts his own needs and feelings last.

They will continue to assume that their wishes are prioritised, and continue to make unreasonable demands of you and your child. This is much bigger than the Christmas trail.

Those suggesting they make counter offer have you missed the part of the OP where she states that they are now refusing to engage in any conversation about Christmas plans. They seem to be have a big old sulk and employing the silent treatment to try and make OP and her DH feel guilty rather than responding in an adult way to their disappointment and finding a compromise. The most I'd be tempted to do (or for DH to do) would be to say we can maybe look at a daytime alternative if you want to call us to discuss and leave it in their hands rather than go pandering to them when they are behaving like this.

Suggest a few different age appropriate options instead. Your son is not a toy to be wheeled out for Christmas entertainment - he is a small human being with needs of his own. I would have no tolerance for this.

Yes they can enjoy Christmas activities with him - no they must never make him cry/feel uncomfortable/ sad just to suit them!! honesty such selfish entitled behaviour.

Absolutely fine to say no but I would offer a counter offer like a panto or something and probably go for a daytime/ending early evening situation.

Let them take him and have him for a sleepover. Easy