To not want to go on Christmas light trail?

Well I was going to say that maybe now he's a year older than last year he might enjoy it more.

But then you described your PILs' childish and petty reaction and to be honest that would make me not want to change my mind because it would be giving in to their tantrum.

I'm sure OP would be willing to be flexible if it was something they and their child would actually enjoy.

I honestly can't see what the big fuss is. If my parents ask me and my son to do something and I don't want to I just politely say no thanks and that's that. There's no sulking or anxiety around it because we are all grown ups. They do the same with me if I suggest they join us on an outing and they don't fancy it.

They sound peevish and pathetic, especially if your husband said no in a polite way.

It's only too common isn't it? All about them and not about the child.

You're not being unreasonable- we took my DS to one at the same age and he was tired, cold and found some of the more dramatic areas quite frightening (I think this depends on the display, but the one we went to was quite noisy and flashy in parts).

I can see why they might be a bit put out though depending on how your DH said it. If he said something along the lines of 'thanks so much for the invitation, but DS gets really upset at the moment if he's out past his bedtime. It'll be an absolutely lovely tradition for him but please can we wait until he's a bit older' then YANBU. But if he started saying how awful it was last year, or something like that, I can see why they might feel knocked back.

What I'd do now depends on what your relationship with them is usually like. If they're usually reasonable and you all have a good relationship, I'd assume that maybe your DH could have said it more tactfully and offer an olive branch.

The year after Christmas light-gate, my parents and I took DS for a local walk to look at the lights on people's houses, with the pushchair as backup for when he got tired. Went as soon as it got dark, so he was home in time for his bedtime routine and he loved it. Toddlers are easily impressed and don't need big paid events at this age. Could you suggest doing something like this, so a toddler version of a light walk, with a view to doing the real thing when he's a bit older and less crabby in the evenings?

On the other hand, if they're usually unreasonable, then I wouldn't bother and would let them have a sulk.

But definitely, you're right not to take DS if he's going to find it miserable. Some toddlers can cope with a late night, but for many, sticking to their bedtime and bedtime routine every night is essential!

I agree with this - the ‘they are adults, tough’ comments are depressing. We are so un-family oriented as a nation now. Surely a compromise could be reached, when they are trying to make an effort (not doing would be wrong too).

I agree about light trails but there are other things you could suggest to your PILs instead in a nice way. I loved doing Christmas things with my grandmother and those memories are special now she has been gone 20 years. None involved a light trail or much expense.

It always seems such a British thing to be held to bedtimes and routines so stringently. I do appreciate all kids are different though as my current toddler has been last year and will go again. Does the light trail not have times slots in terms of arrival? The ones around us do and you can go as early as 4.45pm.

On one hand it is nice that they want to do special things with their grandchild but if the child doesn't enjoy it ultimately it is money down the drain. Why can they not do a breakfast with santa type experience instead or lunch? Often these are held at softplay centres or garden centres. You aren't saying they can't do a lights trail ever it just might be more suitable as they get older.

It's not a special thing if the child doesn't enjoy it. The grandparents have to stop and listen to the actual expert on the child - his mother - and make a more appropriate plan.

Absolutely this. If you can suggest an alternative activity I think that is lovely. If they decline, sod them.

I personally think little children would love the lights! Or if not, they’ll just doze in the pushchair. I don’t know what the big deal is. But since you’ve already decided it’ll be a nightmare no matter what, then don’t go, revolve your whole life around the narrow confines of your toddler’s routine.

I think definitely sounds like a fun idea, lovely tradition, worth a try etc. BUT, you have tried it and it didn't work for you so absolutely nbu to give it a miss this year. There are so many things like this that crop up through their childhood that others love that just don't work for you, and that's fine. Dance to your own tune. (That's not a very me thing to say btw, but someone told me that and it helped!)

@thesunisastar

But OP's son won't remember the Christmas light trail last year and he won't remember it this year. They are better off waiting for a couple of years until he is older and not tired and can enjoy it more. In the meantime, they can find a more age appropriate tradition.

I don't blame you for not wanting to go. They are very commercial and a bit shit.

Can you offer an alternative?

I would go, GPs won't be around forever and it's one evening. He's a year older and will enjoy it much more. He will probably sleep in the car home and straight to bed. Making memories with GPs is important.

YANBU but tbf it gets dark at 4pm in December so if they really want to go, let them take him but book it at that time.

They are being ridiculous

I would thank them for their offer and say how lovely it is that they are keen to do something with him. However, this isn't a good option because .... xyz

Then ask them if they would consider another similar option involving Christmas lights which is more suitable for this age and his routine. Maybe a trip to a garden centre's Christmas display (he won't care that it's not dark outside) or even a drive around the neighbourhood after 4pm, looking at the lights on people's houses. It will be dark enough then.

Stand your ground. Those things are too long and boring for young children. I had to spend a fortune on fairground rides and food to make the event I to a happy one.

If he's eg 2 or 3 he probably won't remember it anyway.
It's not unreasonable for GPs to want to treat their GC and do something special with them
It's also not unreasonable for OP to say that particular thing doesn't work with his current routine but could potentially do it next year.

They must be quite unimaginative if it's the light trail or bust, though. There must be 100s of other Christmas experiences that are aimed at toddlers, thst might be more enjoyable for him. Farms, parks, garden centres usually have santa, and some kind of grotto, santa train rides, going to see reindeer, etc or , if acceptable to parents/GPs nativity services or christingle

I do agree op that I can see how they may be feeling knocked back when they were making an effort to be involved grandparents.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to point out that the timing of this particular activity is tricky this year, but I’d advise you against going all in about how last year was a struggle all through December etc etc.

Id just suggest a daytime activity and be enthusiastic. Family is important and can be a real support for you as the Dc get older so I’d be careful how you handle it. But not actually doing that particular activity is perfectly reasonable if you are cheerful and enthusiastic about alternatives.

I'd issue an invitation over email of whatsapp for them to come and see their dgs over Christmas, offer them two dates, and leave them to think about it. Don't get involved in an argument.

If they don't engage they have only themselves to blame.

Keep saying no, suggest an alternative.

Not unreasonable at all, tell them you would love to do something Christmassy during the daytime with them, that is preferably indoors - if they take offence at that then they're being unreasonable.
We went to a Christmas light trail last year and it was such terrible weather we were all soaked and freezing by the end, even with wearing waterproofs. We said we wouldn't bother again.