To not want to go on Christmas light trail?

Missing the point but we tried a lights trail disappointing weather lack of food etc etc now we all multi generations go on a steam train ride where they light up the woods have fake snow etc etc it’s very cheesy but we get to sit down in the warm we sing along to the Christmas music and take our own snacks and alcohol. Win all round for everyone.

So they're sulking. Just ignore them (as you should with any adult who sulks).

P.S. They're not the priority, your child is (as you say yourself). They've had their turn raising little kids. They don't get to ruin bits of your for fun.

Ah, in light of your last update, I’m off the fence and think they’re being silly and spoilt. I had thought it was the only Christmas thing they wanted to do with ds. If you’re doing lots of other things with them that’s different.

Just let them sulk. They’re being silly.

This response is absolutely spot on. Parents are too pressurised into thinking they need to pay for lots of "magical" Xmas experiences when the children are happy to do much more low-key (often free) stuff.

Ah see I love a “whatever you want” (particularly if it’s in writing in a text) as then it gives me free rein to do whatever I want and no one can complain about. I just politely point them back to the time they suggested I do whatever I want.

I have pretty firm boundaries with my daughter and I stick with them. If people want to get offended over such minor things then I’m not too fussed about them being a major part of my life and I’m not wasting my breath on them. Life’s too short for pandering about to people, I just crack on with what works for our family. It’s either join in, suggest something reasonable or see you another time!

Now PIL want to go again and DH declined. They have taken this badly. We are stopping their new traditions and making memories with DGS. They are refusing to engage in any conversation about Christmas plans now

This is a ridiculous reaction from them. Now they are refusing to discuss other Christmas plans. Well that's their loss isn't it.
You had good reasons for not wanting to do the light trail again and they should accept this.

I don't know why there are so many people around like this who can't take no for an answer without being deeply offended and going in a huff.
Perhaps the delivery of the "we don't want to do the light trail again" wasn't great, but even so, they should still accept your decision and that's the end of it.

So Westonbirt was lovely but so so overpriced. Also no seating thoughout the whole trail 😢 (when I last went 5 years ago which was my last ever time!)

Off the point as DS is well past toddlerhood and was very flexible when he was: I don't know where all these rubbish light trails are, but Westonbirt and especially Stourbridge are lovely!

They really are!!!!!

Yuck. We did this many years. The last straw was my final pregnancy and I was so knackered I had to sit down half hour at the end. I said never again. Stick to your guns OP.

Your child your life your choice could you agree to something else christmassy and more suitable for all of you. Fwiw those light trails are over priced rubbish.

Say he's too young and suggest a trip to see Father Christmas at a local National Trust place. You can go in the morning, have a mince pie and run around. Lovely photo op for the grandparents, and it feels more wholesome as it's free (or used to be!) with no crap gift etc. Ours loved it.
The big light evening outings are better for primary school age.

Something that starts at 5pm with a traipse around and then longish drive home is too late for a toddler. Just reiterate you aren't trying to be difficult and if they can find an event that starts earlier in the day say between 10 and 1 or whatever you are more than happy.

IMO you’re right to leave it for now, if your ds is going to be too tired to enjoy it.

We went to one at Blenheim Palace a few years ago - Gds (then maybe 4) - always charging along like a human hurricane - managed to slip and fall literally full-face down in the mud!!

its a shame
its only one evening

As a MIL, we’ve never spent any Christmas with our adult DS’s once they had partners and children. We live some distance away and one DIL always spends Xmas day with mum and Boxing Day with dad since her parents got divorced many years ago. Her mum is quite ‘demanding’ so we tend to go with the flow and see them at other times in the year. I know she appreciates this approach.

The other son works a lot over the Christmas period so it’s more difficult for him to get many days off in a row. I’d love to be with any of my grandchildren at Christmas obviously, but not if it’s going to cause difficulties for my adult children. I’d much rather be seen as a supportive parent/grandparent than a demanding one.

OP, I really think you need to stay home much more during the festive period this year and try to reset expectations all around. They’ll possibly sulk a bit initially but hopefully, they’ll be more accommodating in the future and you’ve got many more years ahead of negotiating expectations…!

This. Why do PILs act like sulky kids themselves?🙄

Okay, now I've seen your update I think you could have handled the messaging a bit better,nI guess in their minds last year set the tone for future Christmases and now they feel they are missing out compared to what they were led to expect. They're being childish and ridiculous about it though.

Worth noting that in 5 of the 6 years I've parented I took have resolved to have a lower key Christmas, but in practice it's been extremely difficult to achieve. There is just so much going on. I just think it's inevitably a very hectic time with young children. So unless you are extremely determined and don't mind putting noses out of joint, I think you do have to accept it's an exhausting month... or maybe I'm a soft touch.

The way to make it more toddler friendly is for the grandparents to choose a different event to attend. The OP is not withholding her child from them over Christmas, they GPs need to be flexible.

I would take this opportunity to set the precedent that you arrange activities and invite them to whichever ones you'd like them to attend. If they are going to be childish, just say you're booking a train today and if they'd like to come, let you know by this afternoon. Once tickets are booked there won't be availability nearer the time. As seems to happen a lot with grandparents, they have forgotten what life is like with small children or feel that they would have been happy with it, so you should too. Stand your ground now or this will be an annual issue.

We love our local Xmas light trail and go every year (DC 5 and 2, but both of them are fine being up late for occasional events and we aren't rigid about bedtime) but if you/DC didn't enjoy it then there's no point in wasting money on it again. Their reaction does seem disproportionate but I'm sure it'll relax in time. There must be some other Xmas activity you could all do together so maybe have a look and suggest something else. They are probably just feeling a bit hurt and feeling like it's personal, not just that the activity wasn't right.

I guess your dc were the kind who were fine when tired. Personally I'd spare everyone's misery listening to a grizzling toddler. More children are horrid when tired. Those who are bouncing around smiling at 9pm are fortunately more rare.

I think they have hurt feelings.

It’s not the most grown up way for them to be handling it, but I don’t think it’s more sinister than that.