Fed up of DH wanting to 'talk' about my friends

I hardly ever say this on MN, but time to LTB. He’s called you boring, mentioned including your friends in your sex life and at the same time is undermining you by constantly telling you he could do better. There’s a reason none of your friends are his biggest fan too. They clearly see things that you don’t, and one of those things is that he actually would do something with them if he had the chance. Bringing it up during sex is asking for permission.

What a disgusting pig. I don't know how you can even bear to be in the same room as him, never mind stay married to him. What a creep. Honestly, that's disgusting. And then for him to say he could do so much better? That him being with you is you punching above?

Know your worth. YOU can do far better than remain married to that cretin. And what he is saying about your friends and threesomes is not normal at all. He sounds like a total sex pest and a pervert. No wonder your friends don't like him.

I know he wouldn't actually do anything

he would he is testing the water for permission.

Had a partner like this in my younger years.
He would sell everything to me as ‘this is what all men think I am just brave enough to say it!’
His obsession was a female friend of both of ours. He used to leer at her and it was mortifying. He told me her husband enjoyed all the attention and he loved it, too.

It was just horrible I voted with my feet. He had two young daughters from a previous relationships. He would constantly make sexual comments about women on TV to the point where they would ask him to stop.
It is not normal.
Whatever fantasies people have - and I get that they very widely! - it is up to a couple to decide what they are comfortable with. Him loading you with this when you have said ‘no’ is just as damaging as groping you without you wanting to be touched.

It damaged my confidence took me a while to recover. I couldn’t continue in a marriage like this. It would turn my stomach.

you don’t have to answer these. But I want you to think about this hard and answer to yourself honestly.

Does he get pissed off if you knock him back?
does he nag until you have sex?
do you feel like you have to do it to keep the peace?
do you do it to shut him up for a while?

This isn't okay, OP, and you don't deserve it. If you both had a mutual kink about talking like this, then okay, but you don't. He should respect you more than to act like this. Also, telling you you're punching is incredibly rude, disrespectful and hurtful. In vino veritas - when he's had a drink he's showing you who he is. It'll only get worse. I'm sorry.

This is really disgusting and disrespectful. You deserve better.

Grim. LTB.

I know he wouldn't actually do anything

No, you don't. He would. You've got a wrong 'un there. Get rid. If you insist on staying, use the time to get your ducks in a row. It will all blow up eventually.

I read this and hear negging. I suspect he is looking for one or more of the following

1. you go along with more sex or certain things to take the threesome with friends off the table
2. he gets off on making you feel uncomfortable and being the more powerful one in his mind
3. he generally wants you ground down so you’re more of a doormat and don’t ask for things like I dunno laundry help because you’re so lucky to be with a man like him
4. if he wants out the marriage it is starting the positioning between the two of you that this is all your fault for now accommodating his needs.

This is so gross. Leave him.

Can I also point out that your friends all KNOW- which is why they can't stand him. Even he hasn't explicitly said this to them I can imagine his behaviour round them. *( I was in a similar situation and it's really difficult to tell your friend that actually her other half makes your skin crawl..)
And don't start talking about other men because he'll see this as permission, and probably start trying to pimp you out 🙁He's just GRIM, there's no other way to describe him

He sounds like a douche... maybe make clear he either snaps out of it or you'll be taking your leave.
Remember that being single is better than being in a relationship that makes you feel bad more often than it makes you feel good.

He is fucking gross. I would be completely repelled by this. Not just because it's degrading and disrespectful to me, but because it's embarrassing - he is behaving like a hormonal teen.

No, it's not normal to talk about fucking your partners friends
No it not normal to destroy your partners confidence by telling them that they are 'punching'
No you are not boring by being unimpressed by any of this. You are actually reacting very mildly to something that would be a deal breaker in most marriages.

Please rethink your self esteem OP. You don't have to put up with this.

What a gigantic arsehole! My partner and I sometimes discuss threesomes and fantasies involving other people we know, but it's always a mutual thing and if one of us didn't like it then it would stop immediately. Telling you you're punching?!! Get rid, asap. This man is trying to destroy your self esteem.

I think you should leave so your children are not exposed to this any longer. It's not OK that they think his behavior is normal. And yes they do pick up on it, and it's damaging them.

I have no idea why certain posters think that we need to simply have more sex and be understanding of these utter creeps. Once your brain is repulsed your legs snapping shut tends to follow quite quickly-

That is very strange behaviour. Ew.

Sorry I don’t care if he looks like Brad Pitt and is as rich as Elon musk - he sounds like a creep I am sorry and he was clearly punching above his weight bagging you. You service better

Why on earth would she want to do any of this after being told she is 'punching'?
The last paragraph of OP's post is the main issue here.

Has he succeeded in making you feel grateful that he has deigned to be with you? Are you grateful that although he thinks your friends might come on to him he has said he would decline?

or has be succeeded in making you feel that he is a total bellend and that you would be justified in considering whether or not to get rid of him and enjoy life without such a dickhead in tow?

He's a disgusting, negging creep. She shouldn't be having more sex with him to satisfy his 'normal male sex drive', she should be running for the hills

Tell him all the stuff he's talking about is boring you

He's got a normal male sex drive but is exploring abnormal things. Tell him so. But think about a compromise between once a week and 3 times a day.

This is so far from normal. Think about how long you've been living like this and how long it's taken you to post this. You've got 183 replies that disagree with your DH.