Cutting off MIL...am I in the wrong?

Yes that is my reading of the OP. I think universally anyone would be pissed off with the MiL’s flakiness in those circumstances.

MN does have a very harsh, cold edge to people looking for outside support for pretty normal stuff for many family set ups. It has always puzzled me but then every one is different I guess.

DH and I had to pay for our own childcare as did many of our peers so it was pretty normal but others had grandparents, relatives or SAHP set ups also pretty normal.

I can understand why you are disappointed and why you asked your partners dad instead. You thought it was sorted and then realised it wasn’t and time was running out. I do understand your frustration.

However you aren’t coming across well. You said you have “become a fantastic mum” and that your mother in law isn’t proud of your child. First point is incredibly arrogant and boastful, second point is ridiculous - why would she be proud of a 9 month old? What has the baby actually done?!

You sound very entitled and high maintenance. Not even family are interested in constant social media posts of your child. If this is the way you are coming across to your mother in law then I can see why she asked to be left in peace on her holiday!

There’s no way you should go NC on this. Your mother in law may not be perfect, but neither are you

You know she can't be relied on, so why not go back to Plan A when she wasn't forthcoming?

Surely you & your DH already had a plan when she offered as you were already pregnant.

Why go NC with her just because she isn't giving you the money.....

No family is perfect. She may be a people pleaser who felt she must offer despite not actually being able to afford it.

Forgive her, move on and learn from the experience.
Don't base your relationship on money.
Better to be on your own two feet as a couple as financial help usually comes with strings attached.

OP you need to do 2 things:

1. separate finances and family
2. stand on your own 2 feet financially and get a loan to cover nursery fees until the state hours kick in

The OP is getting funded hours in January, she needs help for the first term only.

If MIL couldn't afford to help then it makes even less sense for her to become abusive when another family member stepped in when she flaked on another one of her offers.

I don't know why ou are getting so much flack on here!
I think if your MIL hadn't been in a position to help you pay the fees she shouldn't have offered to. And if she did want to pay the fees she should have been clear about how that was going to happen so that you didn't have to contact her on holiday about it.
And if she had changed her mind about helping with the fees she should not have got in a huff about someone else doing it.
Basically I do agree she has been a bit shady here. Either say yes or no,don't string someone along then get criss if they sort it out via another method.

I also completely understand why you're upset and it does seem as if she has gone out of her way to make it impossible for you to get this right. I would give yourself a period of time away from her and see if you can pick up contact at a distance when you feel ready.

I've never asked for money she's always offered.

How many times have you borrowed money from her OP? This could be part of the problem, you saying you can't ask your family for money because they are working class, yet you seem to think your MIL is a cash cow because she is middle class is really quite telling of your mindset.

two years into a relationship, I don't really understand why you are the one having these awkward interactions with your MIL anyway, it is 100% up to your fiance to ask for money and arrange payment plans with his mother, he's thrown you under the bus here.

It sounds to me like she was completely supportive in the beginning but has now backed off, there will be a reason for that and you would be very unreasonable to go no contact with her just because she isn't living up to your expectations as a cash machine.

She didn't forget to sort payment for childcare fees.

She first relied on her MIL's offer to provide childcare, which MIL rescinded, and then on her offer to pay for childcare, which she then flaked on too.

Obviously it would be preferable if OP and her DP could pay for it themselves (and who knows, if MIL hadn't offered to provide childcare, maybe they could have saved) but MIL has messed them about then become abusive when they've received help from elsewhere instead.

Apologies, I will try again without the unhelpful formatting

I would always like to know both sides before I reach a conclusion. The OP describes herself as a 'fantastic mum' but forgot to organise how to pay the childcare bills. As someone rightly pointed out MILS are very much mothers too. MN isn't just a 'safe space' for young mums. It describes itself as a website designed to Make parents' lives easier by pooling knowledge, advice and support. Not just for young mums but for parents. Advice for parents note, not just new born babes but children, tweens, teens and adult children.
What MN is against is misogyny , the poster who claims that 80% of MNers hate their MILS ( or SILS, or Stepdaughters) is being sexist ( another thing that MN is against).
There is so much good advice on MN and if a lot of posters are against your proposed actions, there may well be good reason and it is worth considering their advice.

Maybe she is worried that you won’t pay the money back? If you start paying her back for the first term then will you be able to also save for the next one, or will she have to bankroll that too?

But then she just needs to be honest doesn't she, and stop making offers (first an offer to provide childcare, then an offer to pay for nursery) if she can't/won't make good on them.

And, if it was the case that she decided she could no longer afford it, why would she get angry about someone else stepping in?

I would always like to know both sides before I reach a conclusion. The OP describes herself as a 'fantastic mum' but forgot to organise how to pay the childcare bills. As someone rightly pointed out MILS are very much mothers too. MN isn't just a 'safe space' for young mums. It describes itself as a website designed to Make parents' lives easier by pooling knowledge, advice and support. Not just* for young mums but for parents. Advice for parents note, not just new born babes but children, tweens, teens and adult children.*
What MN is against is misogyny , the poster who claims that 80% of MNers hate their MILS ( or SILS, or Stepdaughters) is being sexist ( another thing that* MN is against).
There is so much good advice on MN and if a lot of posters are against your proposed actions, there may well be good reason and it is worth considering their advice.*

I then told my fiance about what had happened and he was very angry. His Mum has a habit of wanting to help but then taking it back.

My first thought when I read this is that maybe she felt a bit backed in to a corner where she felt she had to agree to help, but when she has had time to think about it she realises she can't really afford it. Or doesn't want to risk it - how can she be sure you will be able to pay her back if you already can't afford the nursery.

What a needlessly horrible thing to say.

A person who offered to lend some money when it was due, reneged, then sent abusive messages (to the OP, rather than her son, for some reason) when someone else stepped in?

She sounds awful.

@insomniac1994 , I’m absolutely delighted that on this forum where mostly sympathy lies with the mummies (understandably ) those mummies have resoundingly told you that you are unreasonable. I’m a grandmother and mother in law and I have an absolutely glorious relationship with my DsIL. I already feel blessed with what beautiful, funny, caring and all round fabulous wives my boys picked. I’m so, so grateful that they didn’t pick someone like you.

You are a cheeky pair. Stand on your own two feet and stop expecting handouts from a person you don't even like very much. And she isn't your mil as you aren't married to her son. More like she should have nothing to do with you. A person who pesters her for money when she is on holiday,

Going NC is a massive overreaction. Just let your partner handle communication with his mother (not sure why you were the one messaging her to hassle her for money for your nursery bills - I certainly wouldn't have felt comfortable doing that!) and be polite and pleasant when you see her.

You shouldn’t have been contacting her about this, that’s what her son should be doing.

You certainly shouldn’t be going no contact over this. How melodramatic!

I also think yabu. Also with the holiday - you obviously stress her out and she needed some time without you hounding her for money.

She should not have promised to pay and reneged. The rest is unreasonable of you.

Does your partner agree with all this?

Also she is not your MIL, she is your partner’s mother.

You cannot honestly believe that, you're just getting a kick out of joining in the pile-on.