Cutting off MIL...am I in the wrong?

Edited wrong post quoted

Is he on a proper contract? He might be able to make a claim for unfair dismissal.

She does sound like a dreadful person. I feel sorry for your fiance having such a vindictive mum.

She does sound unreliable. She wants to look like a great grand-mother but first she withdraws the offer to look after your baby and then offers to pay for nursery (with a plan for you to pay her back) and then won't let you contact her when the fees need to be paid.

She's obviously pissed off because your fiance's dad will be paying instead. Just pull back from her for now and see if things settle down.

I'm not making any assumptions. OP has posted that she walked out on her son as a child, and that her DP says that she has form for offering to help and take it back.

As to why she's causing a stink now, I'm not assuming anything, I'm suspecting something, which is why I used the word "suspect ".

But your mother in law is also a mother.
And supporting someone doesn't always agreeing with everything they say.. I am sorry you are finding things difficult but perhaps she is also finding the relationship difficult

You really need to apply common sense before you post.

They can't afford the full fees and funded hours don't start until January so they needed a way to handle it until January while she returns to work.

MIL offered to look after the child a few days a week until January then changed her mind. Then she offered to pay and they pay her back with the agreement for OP to reach out when the invoice was due.

She reached out when the invoice was due and MIL gets upset that she's on vacation and she should not contact her for a few weeks. Obviously the invoice is due and cannot wait while MIL enjoys her multi week no contact vacation so OP and fiancee ask his father to help which he did and MIL then gets upset asking why she is hearing that someone else has paid.

It's not that hard.

And the horrible MIL is not threatening to fire her son who works for her business.

Are you being deliberately obtuse?

The OP and her DP needed money.

MIL offered to lend them money, then didn't follow through when it was needed, so they have now borrowed the money they needed from somewhere else instead.

This is utter bullshit.

Yes it's not grandparents responsibility to pay for nursery but the fact is she offered to pay the same way many other parents offer to help their children with childcare costs, tuition fees, deposit for a house, help look after children etc. The fact she made the offer and they accepted means everything you've said makes no sense.

If as you said she can't afford it anymore then say so. What does "don't call me for the next few weeks I'm on vacation" have to do with her not being able to help anymore?

How the hell is it irrelevant that she said she would help? So she said I will borrow you money to pay nursery fees, let me know when the invoice is due. OP reaches out hey MIL invoice is due and your view is it doesn't matter that she promised to help and OP is wrong for asking her when the invoice was due? And that makes sense to you? And OP decided to reach out to someone else to help and the same MIL who you are claiming maybe she couldn't afford it gets upset that they got someone else to help? Please explain help your post makes any sense.

Yes OP and her fiancee could have been better prepared but she not the point, the point is they thought they were covered until the funded hours roll in and she left them hanging and then and the freaking nerve to get upset that they got someone else to help them.

And the offer to pay came after she pulled out from her original offer to look after the child. And now the same freaking MIL is not threatening to fire her son. What a gem of a woman.

I disagree massively

youre making a hell of a lot of assumptions for sure.

I think you were being very unreasonable and expecting a lot from your mother in law.
Going no contact when she has been trying to help you seems extreme and I am struggling to understand what she has done wrong. Telling you she has limited reception because she is on holiday and not being able to respond to your messages asking for money while she is away seems reasonable.

I'm fine to settle on "nasty messages" rather than "abusive messages", if you like.

What I strongly suspect is going on here is a woman who walked out on her own child when she was a mother, and who has a long history of offering support then not following through, is jumping at an opportunity to paint herself as the wronged party when she lets her child down again.

Ok….

so if my father offers me 2000. But I never once asked for 2000

that means that actually I needed that 2000?

She wrote this. Plus a reply that was just deleted

I've never asked her for money nor ever borrowed from her

Childcare or the payment of it is not for grandparents to manage - you are the parents. Have you checked if you are entitled to Universal credit help? It's irrelevant what she said she would help with things can change quickly my mum helped me out so much for 1st few years of my child's life unfortunately she became unwell and died before my child was school age.
I also find your reason of wanting to cut her off that she hasn't contacted you to tell you how proud they are of baby a little odd - I've never heard of any1 doing that and some people just have busy lives that mean they dont feel need to constantly interact with social media posts

OP is also accusing people on here of being nasty to her..

Just because people don't agree with how she has handled things, or have offered a different viewpoint from MIL point of view.

Just saying...

I mean she told them that she found out they went to someone else from someone else and the fact that that upset her and she doesn’t want to help anymore

shit yes. Abusive? Not so sure myself.

What abuse?

People keep banding that around without any real examples, apart from MIL questioning letting the baby sleep next to plug sockets, not commenting on facebook and asking to be left alone while on holiday.

I'd be very interested to know if the nursery fees were actually due while MIL was on holiday or could it have been dealt with when she got back? it would explain why she asked OP not to keep contacting her about it while she way away and getting annoyed that they then chose to go someone else to get money before MIL got back.

The nasty messages because MIL learned they got help from someone else.

Nasty messages that she was sending the OP, and not her own son, for some reason.

Your MIL sounds nasty BUT you and your husband should have had a plan for this before baby was born. There are always big expenses when having a child. It's not for your PIL to do this.

Yes, you have read that wrong. The OP and her DP need the money. You seem to have got confused because the OP didn't specifically ask MIL for the money, MIL offered it.

@insomniac1994

ahh. There’s a little more to this story and I am so so confused

going NC with someone who employs your fiance that might make things very very difficult for him as you. I’m not saying to put up with stuff. But I think you might need to take a step back and just let him sort it from
now on for a while.

I mean when has she abused them?

I think its more MIL being abusive that's making the OP want to cease contact with her.

I'd be interested to know how you think you're 'sorting it out' OP, sounds like you're making things worse.

Why are you still getting involved? It was you falling out with her in the first place which has prompted this difficult relationship, why can't you just let you fiance handle things, especially seeing as he works for her.

Why can't you just let him sort it?

But your previous messages said you didn’t even need the money. You only took it because she offered?

have I reread that wrong?